Insulin is my hard limit

Yes, that's a 50 Shades reference. I think everyone who's trying to get better at something or give up something has their limit... oh once I hit this weight I'll get in shape, I will never drink before this time of day, I'll never cross the line to this harder drug, etc.  For me and my health, my limit has been, "Oh I'll never let myself get to a point that I'm insulin dependent." (That's me believing I have some self-control). For me, diabetes is completely avoidable, or at least medication for diabetes is avoidable.  Eat right, exercise, drop some lbs.  When I fall off the wagon I have my pills to carry some of the load.  And the pills don't bother me much because they are actually good for me for other parts of my health.

But lately I haven't felt all that great. I haven't been exercising regularly (or really at all... I guess), I eat pretty well during the day but at dinner and beyond I act like this could be my last meal. I even stopped taking my medication for a long while (because I HAD been doing everything right so everything was normal). I decide it's finally time to get my body in working order again.  Tests here, meds there, blah blah blah.

I have my follow up yesterday with my physician who informs me that since going back on my medication my blood sugar levels have actually gotten worse.  (In the mean time I did NOT change anything else... partially out of pure laziness and lack of caring, and also because I was curious to see how much of my previous success was due to medication or diet/exercise). Turns out that whole diet & exercise is very important, the meds alone cannot carry this burden. Maybe I needed to know that to make an effort?

The bigger point is that she told me she could pretty much guarantee that if I have children I will be insulin dependent while pregnant. Say what?  Deep down I probably knew that, but again, I had my hard limit so I didn't really think that day would ever come. I know insulin is not the end of the world and I know tons of people have gestational diabetes, and many people are on insulin no matter what they do, but it's my hard limit!  That was a bit of a punch to the gut.

Right now I feel a little bit like a teenager when all the adults are saying how they think they are invincible and it will never happen to them. Yes.  I did not truly see that in my future.  Hopefully hearing that my hard limit is pretty much guaranteed will get me to do the right thing. Ya know some people are very motivated to lose weight by their appearance, I'm not. I'm pretty when I want to be and dress in a way that makes me feel good & look good (when I want to ;). Some people let their weight hold them back... that's not really an issue for me either, I completed a marathon at almost 200 pounds, I trained for a century ride at over 200 pounds, I go hiking, I do 5Ks and ropes courses, I travel, I try new things, that's not the thing to get me.  Some people have no confidence because of their body....Overall I'm a pretty confident person, I do what I want, I'm good at my job, I'm not afraid of much...

You think you have accountability issues?  I will wait until I have to do blood tests and prick my own finger every day to stay accountable. Ugggh. Anyway, the point here is for nothing other than to vent, about myself ;)  Good day.

"When in doubt, choose change"

"When in doubt, choose change."  That could be my lesson or mantra for 2014 I guess.  For years I've been curious about working in a different setting.  This spring I was in doubt, so I chose change.  I chose to leave my comfortable position in a school setting, a position I am good at and pretty happy with.  I chose to work in a clinic and kids' homes to learn a new way of doing things and hopefully find something I liked just as much as the schools.

Fast forward to now, I am again in doubt, and choosing change.  There are a lot of contributing factors.  Some things I learned about myself...how I work best...what really makes me happy, some things I learned about my new position...things that I felt more difficult for me personally...what I like and don't like, and some things I learned about my health...which impacted both me & my new job.

Short story on the health, we all know I have had my struggles with diabetes and let's just say it is ongoing.  I'm making changes with medications and need to get back on track with taking care of myself.  I had new symptoms I've never had before, which my doctor so kindly reminded me I am getting older so things will present in different ways.  I'm getting some more things checked out just to be sure there's not anything else going on, but I'm hopeful with some time, effort, and help from medication I'll be back to my happy-go-lucky self soon.

So yes, here we are, choosing change yet again.  In a couple weeks I will be done with my adventure into my new job.  It was quite possibly the hardest decision I've ever made, even harder than when I chose to go on this adventure in the first place.  I don't take it lightly that these wonderful kids and families have accepted me into their lives and homes, which is something they have to deal with for years... a revolving door of professionals.  I didn't want to be another person waltzing in and then swiftly waltzing back out.  In fact as I'm working with each kid I still catch myself thinking, "no way, you can't leave this little person!"  But when I step back I know it's what is right for them in the long run and what's right for me too.  I want them to have someone who can commit long term and be consistent for them.  So it's been a hard couple of weeks as I accept my decision and tell my families.  They have all been very understanding and I appreciate that.

So what's next?  Right now not much.  I will do my part time work at my nursing home and make time to take care of myself.  We'll see what happens down the road but for now I am feeling less doubt thanks to choosing change.

Kauai

Oh Kauai.  I fell in love.  I know, me falling in love with places I visit isn't a new thing, but feels like it's been awhile?

Rewind:  Mom and Dad flew in 5 days before we left so they could spend some time in Arizona too.  As usual they did quite a few projects around the house including staining the patio, painting a lot of lights, doors, and fans.  (Our house still has all the gold hardware so we've found that painting everything is a cheaper alternative to buying new lights, doorknobs, fans etc).  It was of course great having them here and nice that they like to work too :)

So, that Saturday, which was also Ivan's 32nd birthday (lucky dog), we left for Kauai.  This trip has literally been years in the making.  We talked about it for years before finally settling on 2014 so it could be a 40th anniversary celebration for my parents.  We even bought our flights back in January (smokin' deal!) and have been waiting, waiting, waiting until October.

Ok, so we arrived in Kauai on Saturday around 1:30 pm and I was already in love before we landed.  Seeing the island from the plane window is still one of favorites views from the whole trip.  We grabbed our car and headed to The Outrigger: Waipouli Beach Resort, home for the week.  It's on the east side of the island about 15 minutes north of the airport, which was an awesome central location by the way.  You never really know what you're going to get when you book online.  You're hopeful, the pictures are always great, but ya know, they could be showing you that one great room they have just for pictures.  We pulled up and it had the huge open lobby like you see in the movies.  Where it's all open, easy breezy, view of the koi pond, pool, and ocean.  Good start.  We head to our room and it was just as nice as the website promised.  We had a 2 bedroom/3 bathroom condo for the week.  So you walk into the full kitchen which opens to the living room and a small balcony, then there's a bedroom off to each side with its' own bathroom and balcony.  The balconies overlooked the pool and just past the pool was the ocean.

After we settled in we walked down to the beach for awhile.  Now, I had done my research before going to Kauai regarding the ocean and beaches and what to expect.  The short version is that it's very rocky in a lot of places and the water is pretty rough.  It was true to what I had read!  You could go in the water but the sand was definitely more like small rocks than fine sand you're thinking of, and there was a lot of coral coming in with each giant wave.  (We did buy some water shoes which made it so much better!)  Still, it was beautiful and you could play a bit- mission accomplished.  Our beach was also nice because it had a couple huge pieces of driftwood to sit on, which is where we spent several early mornings and evenings watching and listening to the ocean.  Oh, and looking for crabs which completely freaked me out.  One night Ivan and I were sitting on the driftwood in the dark listening to the water.  I put my flashlight towards the water only to see tons of little and some not-so-little moving blobs aka crabs!  That first night we went to dinner at The Bull Shed which was just a walk down the beach from our resort (although we didn't realize that until we pulled in..haha)  Great food and we were sitting on the water.

Our first day there we kept as a lazy day in case we were too tired to do anything, but the time difference (3 hours behind AZ, 5 hours behind IL) made sure we all woke up early every day!  I was very involved reading "Gone Girl" (highly recommend...if you want a good book that you also hate all at the same time) so I was glued to the beach or a pool chair or on the balcony reading.  Was that the day we ate at Bubba Burgers?  I think so... I think we also went souvenir hunting that day and ate at Bubbas--good food, very popular.

Day 2 we had a helicopter tour of the island.  Amazing.  My Dad has always wanted to ride in a helicopter so that was cool enough to begin with, not to mention the views.  I don't really know how else to describe it other than amazing.  There are times when you are completely surrounded by the mountains and our pilot did a 360 degree turn and it so cool and so disorienting!  I couldn't even begin to count the number of waterfalls and rainbows that we saw.  If you ever go, you need to do the helicopter tour.  Then we can just say "ya know!  I know!" to each other without speaking in full sentences because there are no words.  The rest of that day was more beach, more pool, more eating (poor us).

Day 3 was an open day so we went in search of the "good beaches" and made sure to stop at all the lookout points along the way.  I believe we each would have been happy to sit all day at each lookout point.  It's just that beautiful and mesmerizing.  Our journey concluded at Hanalei Bay on the north side of the island, where the sand and water are a bit friendlier.  We played in the waves for hours, and lets just say there were a lot of laughs, salt water drinks, getting our butts kicked by the water.  Ivan found the sweet spot where you're far enough out that the waves don't break on you but you can just float with them, so we all followed.  It was hours of fun.  Until you get moved to the un-sweet spot and giant waves break on you...hahaha  At one point Ivan and I were sucked under and we were just a pile of feet and hands waiting to be spit out.  Ivan accurately described it as "in the old cartoons when they are fighting and it's just a dust cloud and you see a foot or hand come out every once in awhile,"  Yes, that's what happened.  The ocean also stole my sunglasses, I felt them get sucked straight off my face into oblivion!  Yeah yeah, I shouldn't have had them on, but I thought I was in the sweet spot!  I must add though as we were walking out I saw them stuck in a sandbar!  Only to realize they weren't mine but I took them anyway, figured it was the ocean giving me a break.

Day 4 we headed to Princeville for zip-lining, kayaking, and hiking.  You can choose from a bunch of different tours and activities there-- just zip lining, ATV tours, horseback riding, etc.  We chose this one so we got a little bit of everything (zip lining was high on everyone's list and I really wanted to kayak).  So, the tour started with a little hike to our kayaks.  The kayaking was fun and a great introduction to kayaking because it was a small river--stream actually I think?--so not fast moving, no rapids, nothing to be worried about at all.  It was so much fun!  So we kayak a little ways before we hop out to hike some more.  Hiking sometimes through knee deep water, to our zip-lines!  Mom was a bit worried about this as she is afraid of heights but after one zip she was fine.  We were encouraged to push each other off one starting point... so mom pushed dad, Ivan pushed me... hah :)  After the zip lining we hiked down to a little water hole where we could jump in, float around, play in the waterfall, and have lunch.  Then it was time to hike and kayak back to where we started.  I think we all agreed this was one of our favorite days.  Everything was fun, great scenery, and you get a chance to chat with locals (the guides).  Which gave us more ideas of places to see, things to do, and food to eat!


Day 5 we drove south to Port Allen (near Poipu) for a sunset + dinner cruise on a 65' catamaran.  Put me on a boat and I'm happy.  Put me on a boat with a hammock and it's literally a dream come true. On this cruise we traveled for about 2 hours along the Na Pali Coast-- so all the things we saw from the helicopter we are now seeing from the bottom--before putting up the sail and having a steak & shrimp dinner (yummy) and cheesecake dessert, while sailing back as the sun set.  You can probably paint your own picture on this one right?

Day 6 was left to souvenir shop, beach, pool, and a luau that night.  The luau was pretty cool.  When you arrive a tram drives you around the property and they have different villages set up representing all the different cultures that influenced the area.  Then you can go watch the Imu ceremony where they tell you how the pig was cooked and they remove it from the ground.  After that it's dinner time (all delicious) with some live music and dancing.  Once dinner is done we walked over to the amphitheater for the show, which had various costumes & dances to represent different cultures-- the traditional Hawaiian, Tahitian, Chinese, Japanese, and Filipino.

Day 7 was departure day.  Boo.  We left from Lihue to Honolulu.  From Honolulu back to Honolulu... yes.  We were in the air about 45 minutes I think before the captain came on to say we had to return to Honolulu because something was wrong with the map display.  I had secret hopes that once we landed the incoming hurricane/tropical storm would force us to stay in Honolulu.  No such luck.  We were back in the air within an hour or two, finally back to PHX.

When I spent the summer in the Florida Keys in 2004 I came back knowing my dream job was to drive a snorkel boat.  Like if I just packed it all in and said forget conventional life I would head to the Keys and drive a snorkel boat.  I would now like to add to my list working on a catamaran.  Sign me up.  I will happily go live in a very small overpriced house/apartment to live in Kauai and work on a boat.  Or in a hotel.  Whatever.  Let me just get my affairs in order! ;)

Pinch me??

Last time I wrote I was in a state of complete bliss apparently, pinch me I just finished an amazing summer, pinch me I started a new job where I get a lot of time at home, pinch me I saw tons of my favorite people.

I'm currently in a state of, pinch me...am I there yet?!  I completely underestimated the adjustment to a new job after having worked in the same setting the past 9 years.  I guess I should say, I told myself and others I knew there would be an adjustment.... to a new setting, new kids, new co-workers, new level of work, new hours, new routines... I still know that.  But it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm in the phase where I want to fast forward a few months and be like "oh yeah, old hat, love this, feels like it is what I've always done."  But I'm not there yet.  And frankly I struggle because I don't see that end in sight....!  And it's not in my nature to complain or not always look for the bright side (I still look for the bright side & can clearly identify it....but it certainly doesn't change how I feel.)  I thought, maybe if I write about it and let it out a bit it won't feel so overwhelming...?

If you asked me what was difficult I couldn't really even pinpoint it.  I can only boil it down to second guessing myself and for what reason I have no idea.  My families, kids, and co-workers are all fantastic.

I have moments where I feel like what a recovering addict must feel like... just get through the next moment, the next session, the next day, the next week.  And other times where I am sailing right along like this change is the best thing since sliced bread.

I have been assured that this is normal.  But in this case, normal kinda sucks.  So, in addition to my session to session mantra, I will add, next weekend I get to go to California with Ivan (who I am clinging to because when I feel like this the best way to explain it is that I get a "homesick" feeling for Ivan, I am homesick for Ivan quite a bit these days, yes even though I see him every single day...hah), in two weeks my parents will be here (yay, more people to cling to), and in 3 weeks we'll be in Hawaii having the time of our lives.

Serenity prayer anyone?  Here we go.

Pinch Me

Do you ever have those pinch me days?  Where you just stop and think...this is my life?  I've had a lot of those lately.  Most recently, today.  I got to sleep in.  Watch a movie.  Read a book.  And just float around the pool with Ivan listening to some island jams.  That's my favorite thing in the world.  Those are the moments when I put my book down, paddle from end to end, and just think...this is the best.  I was lucky enough to do the exact same thing yesterday too.  Two pinch me days in a row (one by surprise, as I was scheduled to work but they didn't need me)  Even better...a surprise pinch me day.

And the day before that I was sitting on Santa Monica Beach, one of my favorite places.  Reading a different book and playing in the ocean.  Pinch me, three days in a row.

The day before that Ivan and I wandered around Pasadena where we used to live 7 years ago, went to dinner, and then to see Eminem in concert with about 70,000 other people who love him as much as I do.  Pinch me, four days in a row.

The day before that was one of my "new normal" days where I drive from house to house playing with kids...and since my schedule is still filling up, I saw a few kids, then came home for most of the day to read and nap, before seeing a few more kids.  I'll take that as a pinch me day, 5 days in a row.

Back up a couple more days and we had 10 of our favorite people come visit from California.  We had the honor of housing all of them, grilling out, tubing down the Salt River, and just having a great time...laughing and relaxing.  One of those times where you can just look around at everyone laughing and talking, having fun, and just be happy to know them all and have them in one place.  Pinch me.

Back up another day, my newest nephew arrived!  He is an absolute doll.  Pinch me.

If I look back at July, it was pretty much a pinch me month...spending a weekend in Spokane, WA (it's a breath of fresh, cool, air up there), river rafting in Utah, going to San Francisco and seeing friends, and being at home with all of our family.  Pinch. Me.

River Lesson

Last night as we were flying into Phoenix I was thinking about the extremes of the last week.  One week ago I was spending my last night on the river face painting, sharing belly laughs with people I had only met days earlier, singing and rapping in a talent show, participating in a native ceremony, and sleeping under the stars.  Last night I was flying into Phoenix from Spokane, Washington from a business event named "Family Reunion" where we celebrate all the progress people have made in our business family, all 5000 of us.  Talk about some extremes.  From only thinking about having fun with 32 other people to sitting in an arena with 5000 people.  If I'm being honest it was a little exhausting and kind of a shock to my system in my post-river glow.

 But I also found myself noticing things I may not have noticed before.  We had a connecting flight from Spokane in Oakland.  We were taking off at sunset and the view was so cool.  I may not have mentioned this in my writing about San Francisco but one of the neatest things is watching the clouds roll in.  I have no idea what makes this happen (if you know, please share) but it seems like the land is higher or the clouds are lower..something happens which places you in the clouds or you can sit and look across the city and the clouds feel like they are eye-level.  It is one of the coolest things about San Francisco in my opinion (that and the streets being as steep as they are, when you see them from a distance it is just mind-blowing.)  So, as we're taking off from Oakland with the sky already being that awesome sunset-pink, it's late enough to see the city lights, light enough to see the clouds.  I just thought it was the neatest thing, to peak through the clouds at the city and the horizon.

As we were descending into Phoenix we were racing a storm (we beat it, yay!) so we could again see the clouds, lightning (which I was not fortunate enough to capture a picture of) but what I really noticed was how much I love our grid!  Yes, I actually found some beauty in our streets' grid system....  

Even though I'm not on the river with just the shooting stars (25 my whole trip!!), the canyon walls, or the muddy river, I am still noticing the little things more and seeing the beauty (without even trying) in the every day stuff.  That might be my biggest take away from the river.

River Rampage II

You may remember way back in 2009 I volunteered with a program called River Rampage.  At the time the program was part of the City of Phoenix but now it is run through a nonprofit called Daring Adventures (DA).  DA has a ton of programs for people with disabilities such as kayaking, rock climbing, backpacking, cross country skiing, and hiking just to name a few.  River Rampage (RR) takes a group of teenagers on a river rafting trip on the San Juan River in Utah.  Some of the teens have disabilities or tough life circumstances to deal with, and many are 'typical' teens...all of them complete volunteer work to earn their trip.  My role is known as a "sidekick" which is basically a mentor to a few teens I am assigned to.  I'm their go-to person leading up to the trip for any questions, to help them meet their volunteer hours, and whatever else may come up. I loved this trip and this program so much in 2009 that when the stars finally aligned to get involved again I jumped at the chance.  So here goes...

On a Thursday morning we all met at the Virginia G. Piper Sports & Fitness Center (Spofit for short--Spofit is an awesome fitness center for people with disabilities).  We all packed our dry bags, made sure we had everything we needed, teens said goodbye to their families, and we all climbed onto a big bus to take us to Flagstaff.  We stopped in Flag for lunch and to pick up one of our river guides, then continued on the road for 3-4 more hours before arriving at our first campsite in Utah and meeting the rest of our guides (6 all together).  That night we had dinner prepared for us by the guides and staked our claim on campsites.  Every campsite is divided into boys camp and girls camp, and on this trip we never once set up a tent!  Each of us get a sleep-kit with a sleeping bag, tarp, little air mattress, and a sheet.  The teens all lay their tarps out of the ground and sleep right on that.  Most of the adults use a cot (definitely easier on our old bones than the ground...and for people like me, a little distance between me and the creepy crawlers really eases the mind.). I remember on the last trip I was super freaked out and uncomfortable about this but did it anyway and by the end of the trip loved it.  This time I was able to start out only mildly uncomfortable on night one, but this was eased simply by looking at the sky.  Would you believe I saw 10 shooting stars on the first night?!  It was pretty amazing.

The next morning we're awakened by a guide yelling "COFFEE or HOT CHOCOLATE."  This is our alarm clock, if you weren't already awake from the morning sun.  Then it's time to change, get 'cleaned up' (which I use the term pretty loosely), pack up your own stuff, and then as a group pack up the entire campsite.  We make a bag line to pass everything on and off the boats at each site, which really makes it light work all around.  Which is great because there is so much equipment needed for 33 people total to raft and camp for 4-5 days!  On this first morning we took a short hike to see some petroglyphs, which is always so cool to see.  Then we headed to the boats...  Each morning we are assigned to different boats so you have chances to meet and spend time with different people and try out each type of boat.  We have 5 oar boats which carry equipment and that a guide is in control of, plus 3-4 passengers, except for 1 boat which just carries equipment and in my experience is always run by a kind of guide in training--they are still learning and can't take passengers yet.  Then we also have a paddle boat which has a guide and 6 passengers.  On the paddle boat everyone obviously has a paddle and takes direction from the guide on when and how to paddle.  Finally, we have 3 kayaks, or what they call "duckies" that each hold 2 people.  From this point it's just cruising down the river until we stop for lunch.  I'm having a hard time remembering where we stopped for lunch this day, but there's always time for swimming and playing in the water whenever we stop, and I believe we took a short hike to more petroglyphs.  After lunch it's back to the same boats until we stop for our final campsite of the day.  When we arrive to camp we break out the bag line to unload.  The guides set up the "kitchen" and we all lay our claim...the rest of the night is swimming, playing, talking, and eating before making our way to bed.  I slept like a rock this night until early morning (my best guess is around 3 a.m?  No watches on this trip) when I woke up to the moon, feeling like someone was shining a flashlight in my face, followed by hearing a pack of coyotes howling!  It was pretty cool...even if coyotes are some of the creepiest sounding animals!

That morning after breakfast and packing up the boats we went for a hike to some native ruins.  I will never tire of seeing these ruins and petroglyphs.  It's so cool to see how and where people used to live and try to decode the messages left behind.  After our hike, which was a longer and pretty hot one, we swim a bit to cool down before hopping on the boats.  On this day we would encounter our first rapids, one of which is called "4 foot."  The rapids that are named by a number get their name by how many feet the river bottom descends over the span of the rapid.  Side note- the San Juan River is a pretty tame river.  Most of the time you're floating along, and when you do come upon rapids they are generally class 2, and it's a pretty muddy river.  Last time I went I remember being surprised at it's color (light brown), and this time it was even worse because of monsoonal rains in Colorado, which is where the water comes from.  It felt like swimming and floating in chocolate milk, which I actually really liked (no need to worry about green water and what may be lurking...if I can't see anything then I can pretend nothing is in there..hah)  So, after we went through '4 foot' we pulled over to play.  You can climb out into the rapid and let go to let the rapid carry you down stream, pretty fun!  It's always pretty excellent to sit in the river and just play in the mud and sand... I am a mud puppy!  After we played for awhile we hopped back in our boats (oh, I was on a paddle boat this day) to head to camp.  Our camp on this night was so cool.  We were in the canyon so we were surrounded by canyon walls and girls camp was on top of some giant rocks right next to a rapid.  We could hear the water clearly all night.  I saw the coolest shooting star of the trip that night!  Oh, and on this night, the guides took a night off from making dinner and the sidekicks did the cooking.  We all brought masquerade type masks to wear while serving dinner as a surprise for the kids, and the guides had a chance to kick it with the teens.

The next day I was on an oar boat again with a guide I met on my last trip in 2009.  Now that everyone was pretty used to the river and what to expect the guides let the teens play around with manning the oar boats.  On this day we went to another cool campsite to play called the Ledge (we didn't camp there this time, but we did on my last trip). It's called Ledge because there is a ledge in the rocks on the opposite side where you can catch a rapid and swim to the ledge.  The guides also did a slip and slide by turning over the paddle boat.  So you could get a running start and slide across the bottom of the boat into the river!  After plenty of play we kept it moving to our next campsite.  It was a pretty small camp that night which was kinda cool and cozy.  This final day/night you could look around and see that things had changed.  The group had really come together, became closer, really relaxed, and bonded.  It was a night of painting nails, dressing up in costumes, face painting, and a talent show, which ended with a really special ceremony by two of the native kids on the trip.

The final morning, as you can probably imagine, is bittersweet.  You don't want it to be over when everyone is really starting to find their groove, but you know that it is coming to and end so you may as well look forward to that shower for the first time in 5 days...!  But before we leave we have one very important piece left to complete.  After loading up all the boats we all sit for a closing circle, which honestly my eyes start to burn every time I think about it.  In the closing circle we talk about what the trip has meant to us, what we learned or plan to take with us and because this trip is one of those things where tight bonds are formed very quickly it gets pretty intense.  Just about everyone will cry and some to the point of not being able to speak because they can't even put into words what the experience and the people on the trip have meant to them.  We do some symbolic sharing as well which can by funny or emotional, but completely special.  It's a great reminder of why we all do this in the first place and how important this program is to continue on.  After closing circle, we board our boats for a silent float the remainder of the trip...to reflect and really soak it all in.  Nearing the end of our trip we were greeted by a little family of big horned sheep.  Normally when we see them they just run away up the mountains, but at this instance they just stood and watched us and followed us and it was an awesome way to leave the river.

When we get to our takeout point we unload everything, deflate the boats, clean up, and board the bus back to Flag.  We take our showers (which was pretty delightful), have a pizza party, and sleep inside for the first time.  The next day we make the journey back to Phoenix to meet parents awaiting the arrival of their kids.  As I watch the parents look at their kids I just wonder if they see what I see?  Do they see changes in their kids and this group that are glaringly obvious to me?  The parents want to come rushing out to see their kids (as I would too!) but their kids have work to do.  Without even a directive given the kids know we first need to unload this bus and get equipment where it needs to go...THEN I'll go find my parents.  I'm sure the teens are excited to see their families, but in some ways not nearly as excited as they thought they would be!

I worried that I might be a little jaded about it because my first trip made such an impact, I didn't think it could happen again but it did.  "Every trip is different," you hear veterans say this and you know it's true but you still wonder.  And I can say this trip was very different than my first trip, but equally awesome.  I'm thankful it's something I was able to be a part of not only once but twice.  If I had to compare the trips I would say on my first trip I may have felt more connected to the teens than the sidekicks, and on this trip I felt more connected to the sidekicks than I did 5 years ago.  I had great sidekicks on my first trip, but I think I spent my time differently.  And on this trip I respect these teens and had some great conversations and connections, but I also felt even more connected to the adults.  Which is fantastic.  I'm still in touch with some teens from my first trip and they are adults now doing great things in the world.  And I know I'll stay in touch with some of the teens from this trip.  But I do feel like I found some friends in the adults that I'll stay in touch with, not just pass by in facebook land here and there.  Although I'm so happy to have them all, the passersby and the new friends, in my collection.

San Francisco

"If you're going to San Francisco

Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

If you're going to San Francisco

You're going to meet some gentle people there..."

**This song was on repeat in my head the whole time in SF :)**

When I was volunteering in South Africa back in 2008 I met some very cool people and a couple in particular that I keep in touch with at least weekly, usually several times a week.  One of those is Heather from Scotland.  When Heather told me she was planning a surprise birthday trip to San Francisco for her girlfriend, Kirsty, I knew Ivan & I had to join in!  San Francisco has been on our list of places to visit for 9 years (always somehow getting bumped to the bottom for other places) and meeting up there would certainly be easier than finding the time and money to go to Scotland (although it's very high on the list of places I need to go!)  This trip was in the works for a year or so and about 6 months before I knew it would definitely work out for us to join.  The plan was to keep it a complete surprise from Kirsty until she was on her way and even then to keep the fact that we were meeting them there a surprise until we actually met!

Ivan and I flew in early on a Saturday morning knowing that H & K wouldn't arrive until late that night.  Once we landed and checked into the hotel we went off on foot to find some lunch and then to locate the Full House house--the house they use as the outside shot.  Happy to report that we found it!  We were trying to find another park where you can see the Painted Ladies, or the houses/park you see in the opening credits, but our phones had died, our feet were spent, and we stumbled into a random park for a rest, hah!  Although it wasn't the park we were looking for it had an amazing view of the city.  From there we made the trek back to the hotel, crashed for a few hours, then prepared for H&K to arrive!  The original plan was to meet up at a bar for drinks and I tried, but my head was about to pound right out of my skull so we decided we'd just surprise K right there at the hotel.  Excitement #1 is receiving a knock at the door from H, who I haven't seen in person for 5 years but speak to through voice messages and emails several times a week.  So surreal!  K was waiting for H outside the hotel so we came down and met her there.  I wish we had taken a picture or video!  I can only imagine how it would feel to first and foremost have a trip planned for you with no knowledge, to your favorite city, only to find out you're going to your favorite city when you have a connection in the U.S, and then have two people you've only heard about (although heard about plenty and with lovely info only...ha) meet you on the street after traveling for hours and hours... I can't speak for K but it was great to finally meet someone I've been hearing about for a couple years and felt like I'd known awhile myself!

The following morning we all met up to for K's next surprise, which was a champagne brunch cruise through the bay.  This was so awesome.  We were seated at a table by the window, with a birthday card waiting for K and the champagne started flowing.  They had several buffet tables with breakfast goodies, sweets, and lunch options too.  We cruised around the bay to get incredible views of Alcatraz, the Golden Gate Bridge, Sausalito, and AT&T Park.  I love being on the water anyway, but to be there with great friends, celebrating a birthday, as a surprise, it was my favorite part of the trip, hands down :)  After the cruise was over we ventured around Pier 39 and Fisherman's Wharf, had some ice cream and made the short trek back to the hotel through Chinatown.  After a little rest we met up for dinner at Burger Bar, which happens to be a place we frequent in Vegas too.

Side note, our hotel was this quirky little place in a great location--just across the street from the gates to Chinatown, and about a 10 minute walk to everything else we needed.  The hotel has every room designed by a different local artist.  Our room was the Madonna room which had a huge painting of Madonna above the bed and the other walls with Louis Vuitton patterns.  The bathroom had a claw foot bathtub, and the elevator was so old school you pulled the metal doors open and shut yourself.  A little loud and creaky since it was an old building but overall great price and location and very funky.

The next day we headed downtown to take a ride on San Fran's famous cable cars.  It was quite a line but moved fairly quickly.  Ivan & K took the spots standing and hanging off the side of the car while H & I sat down.  These things were pretty cool and so iconic ya know?  We rode the cable car to the top of Lombard Street, also known as "the crookedest street in America."  This street has 8 turns in one block!  It's so steep and curvy, but also very beautiful!  From here we headed to Ghiradelli Square where you can find the very first Ghiradelli chocolate shop.  After stuffing ourselves with some ice cream and buying lots of chocolate we headed to a little Irish pub where Ivan had his first Irish Coffee-- which is whiskey and coffee!  After drinks we needed to find a corn dog to witness K's first time ever having one.  Not like a corn dog is a delicacy by any means but you should have at  least one in your life...especially if you're in America, right?  Finally it was time for K's next surprise..... An evening tour of Alcatraz!  I was first and foremost happy to be on a boat again...I just love the water!  The view of Alcatraz is very pretty too.  Once we arrived we head inside the old shower room where they give you a headset for the audio tour.  The audio tour is given by former inmates so that adds a lot to it.  You're guided through this whole prison by the inmate's voice leading you from Al Capone's cell, describing every room, telling about escape attempts and murders that happened, and tons of other little details.  Each tour has some extra spaces open to view and for us it was the hospital.  It was really neat, informative, and always cool when you're surrounded by history as well as something as well known as it is, ya know?  Once we arrived back from the tour we headed for some Thai food.

Our final day in San Francisco we headed to Golden Gate Park, which is bigger than Central Park.  First we went to the Japanese Tea Garden which was beautiful and very zen, which you would expect.  We grabbed some lunch next door before heading to the beach.  I can't go to California without hitting the beach!  From there we headed back near the hotel for some final goodbye drinks.  

It was a great trip with some of my favorite people!    

2014 Catch Up

Let's review 2014 thus far...

2014 kicked off with a fun New Year's party at our friends home...complete with yummy food, a midnight toast, watching the ball drop on the big screen, and a night full of Cards Against Humanity.  The following weekend we went to Flagstaff for our friend's birthday for fun on the mountain skiing and snowboarding, and dinner too.  The next weekend my friend Megan and her boyfriend Adam flew in for Megan to complete her first marathon!  She did amazing, finishing right around 4:30 if I remember correctly.  It was a great time to hang out with them, support her, and they squeezed in a lot of hiking as well.

In February we went to the Improv to see Jay Pharoah, which was so cool.  He is one of my faves from SNL and we laughed so hard.  That month I went to my first "Brain Gym" training which has been one of the best decisions I ever made!  I have used that program with so many kiddos and truly seen a difference in them and I've used it for myself as well.

March brought one of the most fun weddings I've been to, and it had a Vegas theme...what could be better? :)  We followed that up with a spring break trip to California for just Ivan and me.  We love traveling with our awesome group of friends but I don't think we realized how much we'd enjoy, and maybe needed, time with just the two of us.  We stayed in Venice Beach and our hotel was literally steps from the beach.  We spent our time playing on the beach, riding bikes on the boardwalk, going to see Chelsea Handler & Gynweth Paltrow 'chat', went to dinner at SUR in West Hollywood (the RHOBV Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant), and to a show taping of Hello Ross...all of it was so much fun.  Just a really special trip!  The next weekend I was lucky enough to go see Chelsea Handler's stand-up show when she came to Phoenix too.  Definitely a month of laughs for us!  And we ended the month with a cornhole competition to raise money for our friend's softball team...let me just say, it sounded like a good idea but we played horribly!!! haha ;)

April was a bit of a slower month for us.  We went to Vegas for a weekend for business--this particular business event is one of my favorites, "Spring Leadership" where we get to learn directly from the leadership guru himself, John Maxwell.  Always enlightening, motivating, and fun too.  We hosted Easter as we usually do and this year had an Easter egg hunt...but the eggs held surprises...some filled with flour, or water, or fortunes!  And yes, some with candy too.  Towards the end of the month I found myself at a job fair.  Initially I went just to support a friend but ended up interviewing and really liking what I saw...more to come on that!

May, my favorite month of the year...brought meeting my teens I would be mentoring for the upcoming River Rampage trip (there's a whole 'nother post about it so you can read all about it there!)  But, I will say I met two of my girls that day and both are super cool.  Remember how I went to that job fair?  Well, in May I surprised myself by accepting a position with a new company!  Leaving the school system after 9 years was a scary and tough decision but I decided I wanted a change.  I celebrated my 32nd birthday in May with a Tim McGraw concert with the girls, followed by a week of end of year/birthday celebrations including a fun retirement party at Macayo's for some very special friends, a martini happy hour with some fun co-workers, going to see another favorite comedian, Fortune Feimster, bowling-laser tag-and arcade games with 20-30 friends, a yummy Filipino Memorial Day meal, graduation for a friend, a quiet Salt River tubing day with just me & Kara, and a bachelorette party!  May was a bit exhausting by the end, but so much fun!!

June kicked off with a graduation/going away party with swimming, movies, and so much delicious Filipino food, followed by wedding dress shopping for a great friend.  I went to dim sum for lunch with friends one week, and hosted a Bal-A-Vis-X training the next week.  Hosting the training felt like a lot of work leading up to it (although it really wasn't all that much, more so just taking up brain space), but I am so happy I did it.  So many teachers and therapists were exposed to a fantastic training.  A few days later we had a wedding for a wonderful couple.  I managed to squeeze in a lot of work in the month of June as well because then came my trip home to Illinois!

Since the summer had been so busy and with a new job coming up I decided I wanted to relax as much as possible while home.  If I didn't have anything planned I did a pretty good job of just relaxing!  During my first week home some of us girls met up for a cook out which turned into looking through memory boxes and old photos until 3 a.m.  It was perfect.  We also had Ivan's family reunion in St. Louis, which is always great.  Ivan's family is a blast...there was dancing, games, a visit to the St. Louis Zoo, and a lot of quality time.  From St. Louis I headed back home for my sister-in-law's baby shower (oh yeah, I should have another nephew any day!)  I was able to see each of my nephews play baseball while home and have a couple sleepovers with my niece too.  This June was also my parents' 40th anniversary!  So we took them out to dinner and planned a surprise party!  When we got home from dinner we had family & friends at the house with cake & snacks & photos from their wedding day out.  It was a great surprise and a really good time with everyone.

Once we returned to Arizona we had a few days before taking off on more travels...which I think I will save for its' own post!  I spent those few days co-treating with my new supervising OT and meeting most of my kids & families for my new job.  This new job will definitely be fun and challenging...ready or not here I come!

2013 in a Nutshell

Better late than never, right?  I come and I go on this blog but the thing that remains the same is that I really do enjoy writing it all down, and when I look back I always appreciate having this great memory-keeper.  So, a re-cap of notable events in 2013...?  Now this will be a test of my memory...!

In February, Ivan and I went to the symphony for the first time.  It was a fun excuse to dress up, bust out the pearls, enjoy some music, and pretend to be fancy!  It was a nice time, but also not quite what I expected and once was probably enough for me ;)  Also in February we went to see P!nk in concert!  She was AMAZING!  She sang live while doing these crazy aerial moves.  So cool.  I was so inspired to get fit just by watching her.  Another biggie in that month was that I earned an incentive in our business to fly to Seattle and spend the day at our coaches home, spoiled with lunch, desserts, and shoe-shopping!  It was a great honor and very cool reward after a lot of hard work.  In March, my cousin Kaleigh came to visit for spring break so we headed up to the Grand Canyon and Sedona, always a beautiful time!  In May we went to Vegas to hang with our Cali crew and of course a handful of AZ friends went to.  Always an awesome time. That same month I did the Glow Run 5k with Kara (which was way cooler to say you did than actually do...maybe it's just me?)  Ivan won an incentive in the business that month and had his turn in Seattle at our coaches home with a trip to the Nike store.  Oh, Ivan and I joined a crossfit gym that month too.  We were very on top of our fitness at that time and totally rocking it.  In June we did a Salt River Tubing trip for our friend Allen's birthday which proved quite memorable...we went to a Mercury game, and to the Improv to see one of my faves-- Whitney Cummings (Hilarious!)  Later that month we took our annual trip home and headed to Tennessee for Ivan's family reunion followed by time at my parents.  If I remember correctly, we had an awesome time geocaching on this trip!  In July, my friend Erin came to visit and we did a girls trip tubing on the Salt River followed by a roadtrip to California!  We went to Santa Monica (my fave), to Laguna Beach, and to a taping of Chelsea Lately where we met Chuy!  In August it was back to school time and then yet another Salt River Tubing trip with our whole California Crew...I love when we all get together and have big kid slumber parties...grilling out, playing in the pool, and playing Cards Against Humanity.  In September we were back at the Improv to see Josh Wolf, another favorite comedian.  We also made a quick weekend trip home in September for my friend Jon's wedding...we really crammed in a ton of fun watching my nephews' baseball practice, another nephew's football game, the wedding, brunch with friends, family pictures (which were SO GOOD!), and cake & ice cream to celebrate fall birthdays while we were there.  The following weekend we headed back to California for a business function...so we were able to spend a little time at the beach, which always delights my heart.  In October, Kara and I went back to California for fall break.  We spent some time at Newport Beach, and got to see P!nk again in L.A.  She was amazing as usual.  We hoped to see a taping of the Ellen show but didn't make the cut, so we headed to a taping of Chelsea Lately again.  For Halloween (one of our favorite times of year you know) we headed to Al's for the annual party.  Ivan was a lightning bolt and I was someone who had been struck by lightning--it was a super fun costume & great night.  In November we did the ROC Race, or "Ridiculous Obstacle Challenge" which is basically the show Wipe Out in the form of a 5k, and it was so much fun (so much fun we're doing it again).  That month I headed to Tucson for a training in a program called Bal-A-Vis-X which has been such a cool program to use with kids (so cool I then hosted a training this summer here in Surprise).  Ivan's mom and her boyfriend came to visit in November also so we took them to a Suns game and spent a lot of good time with them.  We had our traditional Friends-giving dinner and made applesauce & cinnamon Christmas ornaments, followed by a Thanksgiving trip to Vegas!  We went to see KA on this trip, Ivan learned to play Craps (very well might I add), rode the roller coaster at NYNY, visited Fremont Street and just had an all around great time.  December was full of Christmas parties, and our trip home to see family.

Whew!  Ok.  Not as much detail as usual but a lesson learned I suppose.  Either way, when I am older and grayer I will be happy to have it all in one place.

Giving Thanks

It's time for an "I'm thankful" message.  I didn't do the facebook daily thankful thing, although I am thankful, daily, for a ton of people and things, I wanted to take it as an opportunity to write.  So, in no particular order, and with at least a month's worth of thanks....

I am thankful for my family, including Ivan, Charlie, and Lucy.  I am thankful to have them, period, and thankful for their health, safety, and security.  We are fortunate to have family who is supportive of anything we choose to do, who is positive, and that we really truly enjoy spending time with.  To Ivan I am thankful to have my best friend.  We laugh and laugh and laugh every single day.  He is far more considerate and selfless than I am, a great encourager, and best of all loves me just the way I am.  I am thankful we had Lucy as long as we did and that she passed in her sleep so we didn't have to make any tough decisions for her, and I'm thankful Charlie is still here to unknowingly pick up the pieces! :)

I am thankful for the great group of friends we've accumulated throughout the mid-west, California, Arizona, and all over the world :)  Collecting good people is one of my favorite things.  I love keeping in touch with old friends and making new ones.  To our Arizona friends, I thank you for being fun, up for new things, for keeping your word, and for always being supportive.  To our California friends, thanks for always bringing the good times, giving us a place to crash, and for giving us a reason to get back to the ocean every so often.  To our mid-west friends, some of you have been around over 25 years....which just means we're getting old I guess....but thank you too for always being supportive, for making the trips out, for being the same people I became friends with years ago, no matter how long it's been since we've seen each other and no matter how long I've been gone :)  To my international friends, I am so thankful for your perspective on the world, for keeping in touch via email & skype, and for giving me places to travel to :)

I am thankful for our business.  We love our business because we have great products that really do make our life better (I'm thankful for XS which is the tastiest/healthiest energy drink on the planet.  I'm thankful for my light-up lipgloss which has been making my lips purty and providing a mini-flashlight when I need it.  I'm thankful for the meal replacement shakes which are delicious and allow me to have my every 2-3 hour snack even when I'm super busy!  I'm thankful for our skin care products for helping me get my skin in check.  I'm thankful for my lemon flavored "vitality" perfect water, which is yummy, fills me up, and gives me energy.)   We get to help people every day through products or by offering them a new life in starting their own business.  I'm thankful for the mentorship we get in business, from successful people who teach us how to be successful too, and more importantly, value being a good, upstanding, honest person.  I'm thankful that because of our business we get to dream bigger than we knew we could.  I'm thankful for the travel we get to do because of our business, and I'm thankful for the potential we have in our own life and the lives of anyone we want to help.

I'm thankful for our jobs.  While I'd rather not need one, I am happy to be in a position where I get to help people, I get to have fun, I get to make it what I want it to be (to an extent!), where I can change it up from hour to hour, where I can completely change up what I do by walking into a different setting.  I'm thankful my job is in high demand and pays well.  I'm thankful for school holidays & summer break.  I'm thankful for each student & patient I work with.  They at the same time are able to remind me of how good I have it, and also what's possible with some hard work.  And most of the time, make me laugh :)

I am thankful for our house.  I'm thankful we got it for a deal & then refinanced for an even better deal :) haha  I'm thankful our home has exactly what we need from it.  I'm thankful for the neighbors we've become friends with.  Since we're on location... I'm thankful for the Arizona weather, it keeps me happy!

The seemingly more frivolous things...

I am thankful for appletini's, massages, Target & Old Navy & Kohls, Nike shoes, Ho Ho's, pizza, mashed potatoes, my bed (It's the best bed in the world), trashy TV-most of my thanks in this department go to Bravo, MTV and E!.  I'm thankful for Las Vegas, which has become a third home, and the beach, and being only 5 hours from it; I'm thankful for chocolate chips which a handful of will quench my chocolate thirst; for Dirty Dancing-Beetlejuice-Steel Magnolias, DoubleTree beds & comforters & chocolate chip cookies; for my phone & the internet!; for sparkly things; I'm thankful my leader of choice is in office, and that we live in a country that can change leaders without a war; I'm thankful for music & comedy....

That's all I've got for now, although to sum it up I'm thankful for everyone & everything, both good & bad, for I know everything is just as it's supposed to be :)

Dreams, of the sleep variety

I have always been one who has very vivid dreams, but lately they seem even more vivid, and a little strange too...I am on some hormones which I'm guessing may be a contributing factor...haha  I've been dreaming a lot about the past, and people who have passed also.

For example, Friday night I had a dream that I was holding myself as a baby!  Yes, I was talking to baby Chelsey.  It was like I was back in time, my parents as younger selves, dropped baby me off to adult me to baby-sit.  Now, we could say that came partially from just finding out a friend was pregnant and going out to dinner with a friend and her baby earlier.  So, that explains the baby, but it wasn't just any baby, it was me!  I'm sure you could get really deep with meaning there if we wanted to...!

That same night I had a dream that Ivan & I were back in Jacksonville where we met, where Ivan went to college.  In my dream he had year left of school to finish.  So we moved back into the dorms.  I was sharing a room with Megan and Ivan had his own.  For some reason I was 'living' there but still had a job back in Bloomington (like it really was in college), and I was just going to drive down on the weekends to live with Megan & Ivan.  And, Erin Sessions was moving back in too.  She had all of her uncles and her boyfriend there to help her move in, and her Dad!  Erin's Dad passed a couple years ago and in my dream I was so excited to see him, Dave!  So we hugged, it really did feel like a lifetime since I had seen him ;)  Throughout the whole dream I kept saying to anyone who would listen, "I cannot believe I'm 27 and am living in a college dorm!"  Note to everyone-- I'm 30...  so that's weird! :)

Last night I of course had another series of dreams, one of which had my Grandma Spaulding there, holding a baby.  I had a dream about her earlier in the summer and she was holding a black baby.  I really do think she & Grandma Beehn are watching over our future children or something.  I dream about both my Grandmas quite a bit and it seems like every time it takes me a second before I'm like wait, I can't believe I'm seeing you right now!  If anyone reading this knows Grandma Spaulding, the only thing she ever says in my dreams-- because usually she is just there, holding a baby but not saying anything--remember how she would say, "Well."  Like if you told her something exciting or anything at all, almost like you're about to say, "Well I'll be..."....  but just the well?  She was saying that last night when she was holding this baby, trying to entertain the baby.  It's always so good to see them...

I had another dream that our group of friends from California were coming to visit.  Our friend Chad was so excited because he was bringing a box crusher to recycle boxes with this time...  He was advertising he needed a friend to come party and that "the position of box crusher was open from 4 p.m to 4 a.m!"

Lucy Lou the Maltipoo

Well friends, our little Lucy has lost her battle.  She passed in her sleep last night.  I really couldn't have asked for a better way for her to go, but I definitely didn't expect or want it to be this soon.  She's only 6 years old.

For those of you don't know, or want the details, here's what's been going on.  At the end of June it all started with Lucy just being mopey and not lifting her head up for about a day and a half.  This is so unlike her that I was already concerned and took her to the vet.  She was given a mild pain killer because we thought maybe she had pulled a muscle.  Then she started having spasms, losing control of her limbs, not very steady on her feet.  Back to the vet for blood tests (which came back normal), and a new medicine.  Shortly thereafter it turned into seizures.  With the advice of several friends I asked for a certain seizure med and it really did the trick.  After she adjusted to it she was up and walking, albeit with the new problem of low vision, she was eating/drinking, wagging her tail.  I was happy because as long as she was moving, and seizure free that was a good quality of life.  We can deal with blindness as long as she can move & eat.  In the past week she started to regress a little.  She wasn't walking anymore, and started to cry and seize/spasm again.  Although they were very short.  I knew this was a possibility, and if we were going to live with seizures that were only seconds long that was ok with me. 

We had a vet appointment last night anyway for a check-up and to get more seizure meds.  About 20 minutes before her appointment she started screaming, crying, spasming, seizing--I'm honestly not completely sure what it is...it lasted for like an hour & a half-- only started to end by the time we were leaving the vet.  On the way to the vet I was thinking this may be it, but the vet didn't seem as concerned...so we had decided to try a steroid in addition to her seizure med.  Basically give that about a week or 2 and if that didn't help then we would  know we're dealing with something only a neurologist could diagnose.  I had asked if the things a neuro could diagnose are even treatable, some things were, most were not.  So in my mind if we got to that point we'd be looking at how do we make her comfortable or how do we know when it's the end.... I had definitely thought to myself over the past 6 weeks at different points that I would really hate to have to make that decision for her, but I was prepared to if we needed to, but I'd much rather she just didn't wake up....  

When we got home from the vet she had calmed down and seemed realllly tired.  Which I figured she would be after a long seizure (or whatever it was).  We gave her the meds, and she just rested.  Occasionally crying out, but nothing long again.  By the time we went up to bed I told Ivan when I was carrying her up that her breathing was really labored & shallow.... so I was a little concerned, but also knew she was exhausted, heavily drugged, and she had been snoring & things lately anyway.  I held her for a bit, laid her down & then I laid down and about 5 minutes later I couldn't hear her labored breathing.  I watched her and didn't see her breathing, but wasn't sure if it was just my eyes, so then I called up Ivan and after awhile of convincing ourselves we weren't just seeing things realized that was it... so we just wrapped her up in a towel with her head out and let her sleep next to the bed.  Today will bring figuring out what you do with a pet when you don't live on a farm & in the desert!  Back home this is a no-brainer...

I had several dreams last night that we were wrong.  That we woke up and she was breathing, and better than that acting herself.  I really did think I heard her breathing or crying a few times in the night and I would wake up to look at her just to be sure.  We only told a few people last night and I really wanted to text them this morning and say, aw, we're idiots, she was just breathing really quietly and slowly, she's fine! (Still hoping actually).

I do know this much, even if the vet said she probably hasn't been in pain, I think she has, at least in the past week.  I'm a big believer in looking at quality of life, and even in the past week have wondered if this was a life worth living.  So I know she's far better off.  And especially after my dream where she was her happy, spunky, self.  She hasn't been that in 6 weeks.  

So we're going through the things you go through when you lose anyone you love...  I just miss her.  I always had some hope she would eventually be herself again, and even if she wasn't I could deal if I could still talk to her and had some kind of quality of life.  Someone asked me once which dog I loved more, which of course, like any parent I love them equally but I do love them differently.  Charlie I love like a child, she is a perpetual puppy who needs mothering and play.  Lucy I love like a best friend, more like an equal.  I feel so bad for Charlie.  Although she has seemed pretty oblivious through all of this, Lucy was still always there.  And of all the dogs in the world, Charlie was never meant to be independent.  

So, we'll be happy for the time we had, try not to question too much why (although my guess is the episode she had before we got to the vet, she just couldn't recover from.  The vet had given us some valium to give her if another long episode started, but I think that was the one).  

Hold your puppies close, don't get too mad at them! haha  Over the past 6 weeks all I've wanted is for her to do some annoying thing she always did....constantly grooming, licking the carpet, standing underfoot in the kitchen (Charlie has successfully stepped into this role since Lucy wasn't able!)

So last night, she 'slept' next to the bed, we cried, and listened to "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds".... :)

Summer's Over

We go back to work tomorrow (although this came as a surprise, I will accept the challenge in the name of increasing my bank account), and I'm thinking to myself...I did nothing this summer.  I usually go home for a couple weeks and visit friends & family, at the minimum, but I keep thinking, "Man, I just sat around a lot."  So I decided to really look back at the summer and see where it went...

To kick off the summer we had a Memorial Day cookout which was a lot of fun.  We had some new faces in the mix and played a lot of Phase 10.  Later that week we went out with friends bowling at the new bowling alley in Surprise.  This was so much fun!  We went out to celebrate with a friend I haven't seen in 3 years so it was great to catch up and meet some new people.  We really hit it off with all of her friends as well.  The following night we were out for dinner & more bowling for another birthday.  Always a good time :)

As I wrote about in a previous post, I also had the chance to do some volunteering delivering meals to seniors in the area.  It was a great experience and I'm sure I'll help them out when I have time.  I also had a couple favorites, one of which I exchanged numbers with.  I would really like to go visit her from time to time and she really enjoys it too.  What I learned is that although a lot of them are lucky to be living independently, there is a lot of potential to be lonely.  So why not go visit here & there?

Ivan's dad & his wife came to visit, so that was fun.  I do really like showing people around AZ and listening to them go on about the heat! haha 

In June we also grew our business adding a partner and having their grand store opening.  That was a lot of fun.  I'm always happy to have the business grow & am excited to see what it is to come for them!

I also finally caught up with my friend Kametia.  We hadn't seen each other in quite some time so we spent the day together.  Another fun thing is that Kametia was in need of a wedding dress for her upcoming wedding.  I happened to have an extra one lying around...doesn't everyone?  See I ordered it for my wedding (it was inexpensive, and from China).  I loved the dress online but when it came it just didn't fit me right.  I decided to hold onto it and maybe alter it in the future into a party dress or something, but 2 years later I still haven't.  It just so happened to fit Kametia perfectly!  I'm happy to have given her a dress for her special day, and not only that, it's something old (to me), new (to her), and technically borrowed :)  Not too bad!  And she looked great in it!

In July we took our trip to Colorado which I think I already wrote about, and the following weekend we had our 7 friends from Cali visit.

Outside of that, I worked at least a few days a week each week in skilled nursing which has been a great experience.  And, been a nurse to our dog Lucy.  Late in June she started having seizures so it's been a long process to get her back to eating, drinking, moving, and finding the right medication.  She's improved in a lot of ways, but I don't think she'll ever be herself again.  So that is still an ongoing concern that we're dealing with.

I think that's it in a nutshell!  Although I'm heading back to work tomorrow I still consider summer fun until Labor Day....  this coming weekend we're going to Spokane, Washington for a business conference.  That will be fun because I love hotels :)  Especially the DoubleTree.  And, the last week of August my parents are coming to visit & we'll head to Vegas, so still some fun to be had in the next month :)