It's that time again

This year marks 15 years out of high school.  I had a hand in planning our 10th reunion so when a classmate reached out asking if we would be having a 15 year reunion, I thought, well, what the heck.  It will be short notice for some but if you can't make it we'll catch you at the next one.  Reunion time always brings up different feelings for people.

I hear a lot of the perspective along these lines:  I don't care about seeing people from so long ago, we weren't friends then why would we be friends now?, I've moved on, it feels like living in the past, I have a life.  All of that is a valid argument, and I'm not likely to change your mind if that's how you feel.

But I have a different feeling about it.  For starters I've always been a bit of a connector with my friends & people I know, I've always liked hosting & planning, and I love keeping in touch with people.  So duh, high school reunions are way up my alley.

More than that though I think it's so cool and so interesting to think about the shared history and life experience you can have with people you don't even know anymore.  Many of my classmates I've known for almost 30 years!  Whether we stay in touch or not, once every 5-10 years I do think it's fun and nice to see your face and some part of me will at the minimum be curious about your life and always care to some extent about how you're doing. And ya know, there are people going through real things right now.  One night of hanging out with people you've known your entire life, and just focusing on the good ole days, a simpler time, could be a nice break from reality.

Some other random thoughts as I've started digging through old journals, pictures, and chatting with old friends as we make plans:

-High school is funny, most of my memories are of course with my core group of friends, but as I read what I wrote so many different circles overlapped more than I remember

-Thanks to Facebook, I've actually built friendships with people now as an adult more than I ever did in school

-People have a love/hate relationship with small towns...there's definitely the common "downsides" of feeling like everyone knows your business, etc... but there's tons of cool things about it, the coolest being that shared history.  For me personally distance has only made the heart grow fonder. I love my life now and where I live, but I could just as easily be back in Heyworth sitting on the sidelines of every game.  In fact that was my life ambition when we graduated.  To be a super fan!!

-Which leads me to a realization I had looking at my old year book.  I was literally involved in NO activity during high school, and yet as an adult I love to get involved, and here I am planning the reunions. I was a super fan though.  I didn't play sports but I was watching every game.  I kept all the newspaper clippings--loved getting up Saturday morning to see the paper after Friday night's football game!

-I'm so happy I'm still in touch with my core group of people.  I love collecting people and keeping those relationships strong.  I mean, I am still in touch with my penpal from Rhode Island-- we were matched when we were 8 years old!  I still see my girls I met in Africa who live in Scotland & Canada!  I see my hometown buddies that are free every time I'm home; we meet up with California friends as often as possible.

-Going back to high school/overlapping circles... I had more parties than I thought.  Yes, I had sleepovers nearly every weekend but that group of people changed and grew and so many of them I forget ever happened

-I am SO excited for our reunion.  Not only because I think most people are in a similar boat as me-- changing, growing, happy with themselves so we can just enjoy each other & kick back, but also because it helps me forget the real reason I'm going home in June-- because my 3 nephews are graduating from 8th grade!  Thinking on that too long will make me cry myself to sleep, they can't really be this old??!

Seeya soon old friends.

Insulin is my hard limit

Yes, that's a 50 Shades reference. I think everyone who's trying to get better at something or give up something has their limit... oh once I hit this weight I'll get in shape, I will never drink before this time of day, I'll never cross the line to this harder drug, etc.  For me and my health, my limit has been, "Oh I'll never let myself get to a point that I'm insulin dependent." (That's me believing I have some self-control). For me, diabetes is completely avoidable, or at least medication for diabetes is avoidable.  Eat right, exercise, drop some lbs.  When I fall off the wagon I have my pills to carry some of the load.  And the pills don't bother me much because they are actually good for me for other parts of my health.

But lately I haven't felt all that great. I haven't been exercising regularly (or really at all... I guess), I eat pretty well during the day but at dinner and beyond I act like this could be my last meal. I even stopped taking my medication for a long while (because I HAD been doing everything right so everything was normal). I decide it's finally time to get my body in working order again.  Tests here, meds there, blah blah blah.

I have my follow up yesterday with my physician who informs me that since going back on my medication my blood sugar levels have actually gotten worse.  (In the mean time I did NOT change anything else... partially out of pure laziness and lack of caring, and also because I was curious to see how much of my previous success was due to medication or diet/exercise). Turns out that whole diet & exercise is very important, the meds alone cannot carry this burden. Maybe I needed to know that to make an effort?

The bigger point is that she told me she could pretty much guarantee that if I have children I will be insulin dependent while pregnant. Say what?  Deep down I probably knew that, but again, I had my hard limit so I didn't really think that day would ever come. I know insulin is not the end of the world and I know tons of people have gestational diabetes, and many people are on insulin no matter what they do, but it's my hard limit!  That was a bit of a punch to the gut.

Right now I feel a little bit like a teenager when all the adults are saying how they think they are invincible and it will never happen to them. Yes.  I did not truly see that in my future.  Hopefully hearing that my hard limit is pretty much guaranteed will get me to do the right thing. Ya know some people are very motivated to lose weight by their appearance, I'm not. I'm pretty when I want to be and dress in a way that makes me feel good & look good (when I want to ;). Some people let their weight hold them back... that's not really an issue for me either, I completed a marathon at almost 200 pounds, I trained for a century ride at over 200 pounds, I go hiking, I do 5Ks and ropes courses, I travel, I try new things, that's not the thing to get me.  Some people have no confidence because of their body....Overall I'm a pretty confident person, I do what I want, I'm good at my job, I'm not afraid of much...

You think you have accountability issues?  I will wait until I have to do blood tests and prick my own finger every day to stay accountable. Ugggh. Anyway, the point here is for nothing other than to vent, about myself ;)  Good day.