Wedding Weekend!

I haven't written a blog or note in a really long time, which is out of character, but I've been dying for a second to write down how I felt about the wedding & everything leading up to it.

Last Wednesday a lot of friends and all my family flew in, which was great! I never realized how cool it would be to have them all in one place, and MY place to boot. I loved having them all here and getting to show off Arizona to them. Maybe now they see what all the fuss is about! :) (a.k.a--why I am still here :) So Wednesday consisted of pick-ups from the airport and then just grilling out, swimming, etc. Thursday was much of the same, couple more people flew in so Ivan was busy with airport runs again, I went to get my nails done with friends, and that night we all went out to eat at Margaritaville for my mom's birthday. Friday was the day I was feeling a bit stressed-- and I don't even know that stressed is the word--anxious-- there was a lot to do on this day-- more & more people were flying in & we had to get everything to the resort. I can truly say the only stressful parts of this whole process really was just being sure everyone & everything got to where they needed to go. Friday I was in "Let's just get to Saturday mode" because I knew Saturday would be far easier-- all the people & things would be in their places and nothing needed to get done but that whole tying-the-knot thing :)

The rehearsal was quick & painless. Our Pastor had us actually say the vows, which I don't know if all of them do that, but was a very good idea, because that was the part I was nervous about-- tripping over words or something, but after practicing, which we both nailed by the way, I didn't have any worries about that at all. Then my worry came to just being able to stand for that length of time in the heat, etc. I just wanted to be sure I wouldn't pass out :) After the rehearsal I hung out with friends at the resort, and Ivan & the guys all went out.

Saturday couldn't have been a less stressful day for me! Probably because I just transferred the stress to Kara (which we'll get to!) but it was great. My #1 piece of advice is to get someone who's job is to just be there for you in whatever way you need!! Anyway, Saturday morning started with make-up, which was SO relaxing. Just to sit in a chair, by myself, for 30 minutes, was awesome, and exactly what I needed at that point. After make-up I had about 45 minutes before my hair appointment so I had time to come home, watch TV, and play with my dogs! Yet again, just what I needed :) Then it was time for hair, where I met all the bridesmaids (Kara brought them there for me) and we all got our hair done at the same time (no waiting around, yet another good tip I think!), and Kara brought us lunch too-- tummies full=happy people! After this we headed back to the resort where the girls all went to their rooms to get dressed & do their own make-up before pictures. This left me with about an hour or so to just chill. Yup, can you believe that? So I just cranked up the air, turned off the lights, and laid down on the couch for awhile. Eventually it was time for pics, which also went super quickly, which left us all with about an hour before the ceremony to relax again.

This was about the time I started to get a little nervous...mainly again that I hadn't drank enough water or eaten enough, and I was super exhausted at this point because I'd been staying up late and getting up earlier than normal all week.

Finally it was time for everything to start, and at that point I wasn't nervous anymore at all. We headed down the aisle, I don't really remember seeing anybody's faces anywhere, I focused on Ivan and started walking :) All the things I had been somewhat nervous about weren't even factors-- walking in front of all the people, standing up there, saying the vows, might as well have been alone. You're back is to everyone so I didn't feel at all like there were 100 people watching & listening. If you're wondering, No, I didn't cry! Not even close :) Ivan was a little teary and I think him being teary kept me from crying-- he & I tend to take turns on things-- if one of us is pissed, the other just naturally assumes the calming role and so on. Every second of the ceremony was perfect & went off without a hitch! And if you're wondering about any other details-- I walked in to Canon in D, and we walked out to Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling." We really wanted to set the celebratory tone quickly after the serious stuff was over! :) hah

So, just after the ceremony was appetizers & cocktail hour for everyone else, and pictures for us, which I thought went quickly and was fun too. The photographer showed us some pics here & there on his camera and I am SO excited to see them all finished. They were looking amazing already on the tiny little screen.

Then came reception time! We had the bridal party introduced to T.I's "Bring 'Em Out" (which I LOVE) and then switch to Ludacris "My Chick Bad." Again, love both songs, and we thought, set the the tone for how much fun we wanted the night to be ;) Immediately after being introduced we had our first dance to Al Green's "Let's Stay Together." Let me just say, I do think first dance is a little awkward-- everyone just watching you, etc, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the song, being with Ivan, etc, but...once in my life is enough! haha Then it was time for food, which was a buffet catered by Macaroni Grill-- salad, fettuccine alfredo, chicken parmesan, YUM! Oh, and instead of having table numbers we named each table a different place we've lived or traveled to-- and to dismiss the tables the DJ read a little piece of trivia about that place that pertained to us, and then that table got to be dismissed, such as "Where Chelsey was born & raised"... Heyworth, where Ivan popped the question "Las Vegas" and so on. I thought it was fun & a little different, and people got to learn a little bit about us too.

Let's see...then I can't remember which came first, dancing with dad, or the toasts, but both were great. My dad & I danced to the Temptations "My Girl" and Ivan & his mom danced to Jackson 5 "I"ll Be There." And the DJ had all the fathers & daughters join me & Dad, and all the mothers & sons join Ivan & his mom, which was super cute, and I think had some great pictures probably. The toasts were all perfect! Antwone--the best man, Jyll--the maid of honor, Ivan's mom, my Dad, and then Ivan's sister Kim rounded it out. I'll remember those for a lifetime I think ;) Of course we had the cake-cutting, garter, and bouquet toss too. I chose Nelly Furtado "Maneater" for the bouquet, and Ivan chose Lil Wayne "Lollipop" for the garter. (Which I'd like to add, I had no idea people chose all those songs! I thought DJ's just threw on the tunes).

I think my favorite thing about the reception was early in the night the DJ had everyone make a big circle around the dance floor and had me in the middle and would then call out a different guy to dance with, and then the same with Ivan and the girls. It really got people moving, having fun, and again, I'm sure a lot of good opportunities for pics! Later in the night my nephews and some other kids who were there all requested a song and the DJ announced each of them by name and when he did they busted out their little moves. Super cute! And they were so excited out there. I couldn't have had more fun at the reception, I thought the music was awesome, everyone was having a great time that I could see--- which was one of our #1 criteria, we just wanted to be sure everyone had fun and that it was worth the trip for them since a lot of people spent a lot of time & money to come out. I think they did have a great time, at least I'm hopeful ;)

Following the reception we headed over to the pool, which my fabulous friends had worked out with the resort to keep open late for us! Normally it closes at 10 but we were there until after 1:00! Most people, except me actually..., were just swimming in their clothes! We had so much fun.

Let me add, the weather was crazy awesome! A little warm (it's mid June in Arizona, so that's to be expected) but it was cooler than normal for this time of year, and the evening there was a breeze, the sky was so pretty, the lights, everything. Perfect. AND, it was a weekend of shooting stars, every day there were shooting stars. A lot of good wishes for us I think :)

Sunday we were back to the house and had a lot of people over to swim, watch movies, and eat, eat, eat! So much fun to see my friends from home sitting around the pool with my friends from AZ, with my family, and Ivan's family, all under the same roof, all friends now. That is probably the 2nd most special thing (#1 obviously being getting married) about this whole thing. It's likely that will never happen again. It was so nice to see and just to have them all know each other now and putting faces with names and everything. I loved it.

Of course on Sunday it was back to airport trips and getting things back to the house. My parents, brother/wife/kids, and aunt just flew out this morning. So we spent Monday & Tuesday in the pool, they did some sight seeing at a ghost town, a quick trip to Sedona, dinner out, and a bit of hiking.

When I get done writing this I'll be getting the house ready for Ivan's mom & aunts to return from their short trip to California and they'll be here the rest of the week.

We've so loved having everyone here, and I will never say I wish it was any different because once they are gone, they're gone, we don't see them much, so I try to soak up the time when people are here ;)

BUT...it will be a little nice for Ivan & I to finally have a moment to look at each other and go...whoah, we got married! haha That hasn't even sunk in yet because we're so busy. We haven't watched the video tape yet, which we're waiting until everyone is gone so we can watch it for the first time together.

So that's all the logistical things :) Some reflections for you...

Our friends are amazing, family too of course. But I seriously felt like we asked so much of so many people this weekend, and I didn't want to, I hate having to ask people for anything, but everyone was called into active duty! Whether that was transporting people or things (which is what most of it was all about) everybody was ready & willing before even being asked, nobody ever said no, nobody complained, it was amazing. I guess it's amazing how helpful everyone can be when you let them help you! I just can't even express how thankful we are and how much we appreciate everyone, no matter what way it was you helped-- we needed it--and we couldn't have enjoyed ourselves as much as we did if it wasn't for you! All I can hope is that when you need us, we're there for you!

Now, the MVP of wedding weekend goes to.....Miss Kara Kujawa! Kara! I'm crying again just writing this (and I don't think I've cried hardly post-wedding hehe), I don't know how you felt all weekend with all the stuff that you handled so easily for us, but we definitely appreciate you so much and this would have been a completely different experience without you-- and not in a good way! You went above & beyond, never said no to any request from anyone, never complained, never seemed stressed, handled everything exactly as we wanted it, and if there were ever any problems you never let on. Our weekend was PERFECT and in large part due to you. I firmly believe that. I have no idea how we'll ever repay you, I just hope we're always there for you in the way you were for us. And I don't know how you didn't backhand anyone for the amount of times you probably heard, in a whiny voice, from tons of different people..."Kara....??" We love you.

Whew, so in addition to our wonderful friends & family, I have to say we picked some kick-ass vendors if I do say so myself. Which I would like to add another little piece of advice-- let your vendors do their jobs! Nearly every vendor we met with--catering, coordinator, photographer, florist, DJ--we gave them an idea of what we wanted and then said "you're the professional, do what you think works best." They do these things for a living and have tons of experience, just find people you click with & trust and then let them do their thing. It takes a load off you, I'm pretty sure they love it, and everything will be great ;)

My one last little saving grace I think that I did for myself throughout the planning was, leave room for error. I personally found if I didn't say "each little thing needs to be perfectly this way" then there isn't anything that's 'wrong.' Colors-- I had different shades of pinks & oranges, which means no shade was wrong, all the shades 'matched.' Stuff like that :) Build in room for change & stuff.

Oh, oh, oh, I need to add how weird it is to have a husband and trying to start using the name Nicholson! I was making a phone call and had to stop mid "Spaulding" and say "um...I guess Nicholson?" haha It feels like I'm acting! And I can't say husband yet! haha I don't feel mature enough or old enough to have a husband. I feel like a teenager just acting like we're married. This could take awhile folks! haha

So...that's all I got for now I think. It was perfect, perfect, perfect. So much fun and I hope everyone who was there feels the same way. Worth every penny, every stress, and most definitely worth the wait :)

Welcome 2010??

The end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 have proven to be not what I was expecting. But let's back up. I was able to go home for an almost 2 week long visit which was really nice. I never felt like I was rushing here and there but still got to see a lot of people, and spend a lot of time with family. Continuing with the good news, while I was home we had a bridal shower, which was awesome! I'll admit I was hesitant about the whole thing because I didn't really want all eyes on me but it was very nice and exactly as I wanted. Good to gather the girls, spend some time, and I can't complain about the gifts either! I feel like I got to spend more time with niece and nephews than I typically do. I'm not sure what the difference was but it was good. I also saw my cousins a bit more, and we had a Twilight Scene-It game night at my mom's, which was so much fun. I went to St. Louis for a couple days also so I got to see Ivan's mom and sister, as well as meet my new niece, Laela! (Ivan's sister's daughter). She is 9 months old now, and super cute. Also got a chance to see snow, which I do like if I don't have to go out in it!! But by the time I left the temperature was 12 degrees, whereas out here it was in the 70's! So yeah, a nice welcome back :)

Bad news while I was home too though. My cousin, who is in the Army and stationed in Iraq, and his wife were expecting their first baby. My cousin was able to take leave to be home for the birth and for Christmas, so a very exciting time for everyone. Everything had been completely normal in the pregnancy and delivery but they lost the baby during delivery. It was pretty horrible news and I can't imagine how they were feeling. They have both been very strong and positive through it all, which is amazing to see. Although it was a difficult time I am glad I was home while it was happening. It makes things easier to handle I think. In addition to that, my aunt has been ill and was hospitalized. Luckily it was only for 1 day (sucks though because it was Christmas Eve!). She is doing ok now though and it seems the cause of her problems has been found; now it's on to seeking a solution.

My Grandma Beehn (mom's mom) is in bad shape right now too. She has Alzheimer's and was pretty far into it-not really moving independently or speaking, or recognizing anyone or anything. From what I understand just sleeping and eating. Last week when Grandpa went to wake her up she breathing very shallow and didn't seem right. They thought she'd had a stroke but the tests aren't showing it was a stroke. Something happened to cause her sugar levels to drop to zero, which affected her kidneys, which affected her lungs, and caused brain damage. She was hooked up to a ventilator and Friday the decision was made to remove her from support. Everyone had the chance to spend a little 1:1 time with her and I was able to tell her what I wanted to say over the phone. But when they unhooked her she just kept on breathing! So this is where we are right now. She is still in the hospital and everyone is spending time with her, reading her old diaries to her, painting her nails, and just waiting. We had hoped she would pass quickly as this would be easiest on her and everyone else. If she continues to hang on she will either go to a nursing home or back home with hospice care.

I'm so glad I was able to talk to her over the phone. I kept texting and emailing people asking them to please give her a hug for me and tell her I love her and it was really hard to not be there. When I hadn't heard from anyone that they would do that for me I felt pretty helpless. Once my sister said she had done it I felt better but as the time came closer that they would be unhooking the machines I just felt heavy and decided I still needed to say something to her. I'm so glad I did. Even though I couldn't be there I just felt like a weight had been lifted. I just wanted her to know, because I believe she's in there somewhere, that I love her and that even though I couldn't be there I was thinking of her, and that she could let go and everything would be ok now, she could be herself again. I don't know what she's waiting for now. Celeeste told me (she works in nursing homes) that there will be times that they don't know how someone is hanging on but then suddenly a relative will fly in and then the person passes. Like there is something they are waiting for. Who knows? Maybe she's waiting to go back home. Maybe she's just waiting until she feels everyone is at peace. I have no idea. I wish I could be there because there is something cathartic about being with everyone going through that. It may sound weird, but some of my best memories with my Dad's family is when my grandpa passed away. We all spent so much time together, enjoyed each other's company, and just felt close. At the same time though, there are some ways that it's easier to not be there. I will remember Grandma sitting at Christmas dinner, rather than lying in a hospital bed, and it's easier to push things out of your mind for a bit when you're not there. I don't know what is better but I do know it was all harder than I thought it would be. And I don't know how it will be when she actually passes. We were all prepared when they unhooked the machines so who knows if we have already grieved quite a bit or if it will feel the same all over again. I sure hope not. Although it is sad that she will be gone, and even though she hasn't been great company for my Grandpa lately, at least she was there-I am still happy that once she passes she will be herself again. Alzheimer's is an awful disease. Although, I think (or have to believe) that although physically this is happening to them, there is some spiritual aspect or out-of-body type experience that continues long before they physically pass. And not in some torturous way where they know everything that is happening but can say it to us, but in a peaceful way- a way for the person it's happening to, to pass on in a sense, to have peace with their own life, and watch this all from above, somewhat all knowing. They already know everything is fine even if we don't. I just can't believe that 'they' are not awakened again until after dying.

So that's the start of 2010 for my family. Hopefully from here on out it's only good things. We have the wedding to look forward to and turning the corner around Christmas is also good, because that means summer is coming!!