This year marks 15 years out of high school. I had a hand in planning our 10th reunion so when a classmate reached out asking if we would be having a 15 year reunion, I thought, well, what the heck. It will be short notice for some but if you can't make it we'll catch you at the next one. Reunion time always brings up different feelings for people.
I hear a lot of the perspective along these lines: I don't care about seeing people from so long ago, we weren't friends then why would we be friends now?, I've moved on, it feels like living in the past, I have a life. All of that is a valid argument, and I'm not likely to change your mind if that's how you feel.
But I have a different feeling about it. For starters I've always been a bit of a connector with my friends & people I know, I've always liked hosting & planning, and I love keeping in touch with people. So duh, high school reunions are way up my alley.
More than that though I think it's so cool and so interesting to think about the shared history and life experience you can have with people you don't even know anymore. Many of my classmates I've known for almost 30 years! Whether we stay in touch or not, once every 5-10 years I do think it's fun and nice to see your face and some part of me will at the minimum be curious about your life and always care to some extent about how you're doing. And ya know, there are people going through real things right now. One night of hanging out with people you've known your entire life, and just focusing on the good ole days, a simpler time, could be a nice break from reality.
Some other random thoughts as I've started digging through old journals, pictures, and chatting with old friends as we make plans:
-High school is funny, most of my memories are of course with my core group of friends, but as I read what I wrote so many different circles overlapped more than I remember
-Thanks to Facebook, I've actually built friendships with people now as an adult more than I ever did in school
-People have a love/hate relationship with small towns...there's definitely the common "downsides" of feeling like everyone knows your business, etc... but there's tons of cool things about it, the coolest being that shared history. For me personally distance has only made the heart grow fonder. I love my life now and where I live, but I could just as easily be back in Heyworth sitting on the sidelines of every game. In fact that was my life ambition when we graduated. To be a super fan!!
-Which leads me to a realization I had looking at my old year book. I was literally involved in NO activity during high school, and yet as an adult I love to get involved, and here I am planning the reunions. I was a super fan though. I didn't play sports but I was watching every game. I kept all the newspaper clippings--loved getting up Saturday morning to see the paper after Friday night's football game!
-I'm so happy I'm still in touch with my core group of people. I love collecting people and keeping those relationships strong. I mean, I am still in touch with my penpal from Rhode Island-- we were matched when we were 8 years old! I still see my girls I met in Africa who live in Scotland & Canada! I see my hometown buddies that are free every time I'm home; we meet up with California friends as often as possible.
-Going back to high school/overlapping circles... I had more parties than I thought. Yes, I had sleepovers nearly every weekend but that group of people changed and grew and so many of them I forget ever happened
-I am SO excited for our reunion. Not only because I think most people are in a similar boat as me-- changing, growing, happy with themselves so we can just enjoy each other & kick back, but also because it helps me forget the real reason I'm going home in June-- because my 3 nephews are graduating from 8th grade! Thinking on that too long will make me cry myself to sleep, they can't really be this old??!
Seeya soon old friends.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Insulin is my hard limit
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Yes, that's a 50 Shades reference. I think everyone who's trying to get better at something or give up something has their limit... oh once I hit this weight I'll get in shape, I will never drink before this time of day, I'll never cross the line to this harder drug, etc. For me and my health, my limit has been, "Oh I'll never let myself get to a point that I'm insulin dependent." (That's me believing I have some self-control). For me, diabetes is completely avoidable, or at least medication for diabetes is avoidable. Eat right, exercise, drop some lbs. When I fall off the wagon I have my pills to carry some of the load. And the pills don't bother me much because they are actually good for me for other parts of my health.
But lately I haven't felt all that great. I haven't been exercising regularly (or really at all... I guess), I eat pretty well during the day but at dinner and beyond I act like this could be my last meal. I even stopped taking my medication for a long while (because I HAD been doing everything right so everything was normal). I decide it's finally time to get my body in working order again. Tests here, meds there, blah blah blah.
I have my follow up yesterday with my physician who informs me that since going back on my medication my blood sugar levels have actually gotten worse. (In the mean time I did NOT change anything else... partially out of pure laziness and lack of caring, and also because I was curious to see how much of my previous success was due to medication or diet/exercise). Turns out that whole diet & exercise is very important, the meds alone cannot carry this burden. Maybe I needed to know that to make an effort?
Right now I feel a little bit like a teenager when all the adults are saying how they think they are invincible and it will never happen to them. Yes. I did not truly see that in my future. Hopefully hearing that my hard limit is pretty much guaranteed will get me to do the right thing. Ya know some people are very motivated to lose weight by their appearance, I'm not. I'm pretty when I want to be and dress in a way that makes me feel good & look good (when I want to ;). Some people let their weight hold them back... that's not really an issue for me either, I completed a marathon at almost 200 pounds, I trained for a century ride at over 200 pounds, I go hiking, I do 5Ks and ropes courses, I travel, I try new things, that's not the thing to get me. Some people have no confidence because of their body....Overall I'm a pretty confident person, I do what I want, I'm good at my job, I'm not afraid of much...
You think you have accountability issues? I will wait until I have to do blood tests and prick my own finger every day to stay accountable. Ugggh. Anyway, the point here is for nothing other than to vent, about myself ;) Good day.
Friday, December 05, 2014
"When in doubt, choose change"
"When in doubt, choose change." That could be my lesson or mantra for 2014 I guess. For years I've been curious about working in a different setting. This spring I was in doubt, so I chose change. I chose to leave my comfortable position in a school setting, a position I am good at and pretty happy with. I chose to work in a clinic and kids' homes to learn a new way of doing things and hopefully find something I liked just as much as the schools.
Fast forward to now, I am again in doubt, and choosing change. There are a lot of contributing factors. Some things I learned about myself...how I work best...what really makes me happy, some things I learned about my new position...things that I felt more difficult for me personally...what I like and don't like, and some things I learned about my health...which impacted both me & my new job.
Short story on the health, we all know I have had my struggles with diabetes and let's just say it is ongoing. I'm making changes with medications and need to get back on track with taking care of myself. I had new symptoms I've never had before, which my doctor so kindly reminded me I am getting older so things will present in different ways. I'm getting some more things checked out just to be sure there's not anything else going on, but I'm hopeful with some time, effort, and help from medication I'll be back to my happy-go-lucky self soon.
So yes, here we are, choosing change yet again. In a couple weeks I will be done with my adventure into my new job. It was quite possibly the hardest decision I've ever made, even harder than when I chose to go on this adventure in the first place. I don't take it lightly that these wonderful kids and families have accepted me into their lives and homes, which is something they have to deal with for years... a revolving door of professionals. I didn't want to be another person waltzing in and then swiftly waltzing back out. In fact as I'm working with each kid I still catch myself thinking, "no way, you can't leave this little person!" But when I step back I know it's what is right for them in the long run and what's right for me too. I want them to have someone who can commit long term and be consistent for them. So it's been a hard couple of weeks as I accept my decision and tell my families. They have all been very understanding and I appreciate that.
So what's next? Right now not much. I will do my part time work at my nursing home and make time to take care of myself. We'll see what happens down the road but for now I am feeling less doubt thanks to choosing change.
Fast forward to now, I am again in doubt, and choosing change. There are a lot of contributing factors. Some things I learned about myself...how I work best...what really makes me happy, some things I learned about my new position...things that I felt more difficult for me personally...what I like and don't like, and some things I learned about my health...which impacted both me & my new job.
Short story on the health, we all know I have had my struggles with diabetes and let's just say it is ongoing. I'm making changes with medications and need to get back on track with taking care of myself. I had new symptoms I've never had before, which my doctor so kindly reminded me I am getting older so things will present in different ways. I'm getting some more things checked out just to be sure there's not anything else going on, but I'm hopeful with some time, effort, and help from medication I'll be back to my happy-go-lucky self soon.
So yes, here we are, choosing change yet again. In a couple weeks I will be done with my adventure into my new job. It was quite possibly the hardest decision I've ever made, even harder than when I chose to go on this adventure in the first place. I don't take it lightly that these wonderful kids and families have accepted me into their lives and homes, which is something they have to deal with for years... a revolving door of professionals. I didn't want to be another person waltzing in and then swiftly waltzing back out. In fact as I'm working with each kid I still catch myself thinking, "no way, you can't leave this little person!" But when I step back I know it's what is right for them in the long run and what's right for me too. I want them to have someone who can commit long term and be consistent for them. So it's been a hard couple of weeks as I accept my decision and tell my families. They have all been very understanding and I appreciate that.
So what's next? Right now not much. I will do my part time work at my nursing home and make time to take care of myself. We'll see what happens down the road but for now I am feeling less doubt thanks to choosing change.
Monday, October 20, 2014
Kauai
Oh Kauai. I fell in love. I know, me falling in love with places I visit isn't a new thing, but feels like it's been awhile?
Rewind: Mom and Dad flew in 5 days before we left so they could spend some time in Arizona too. As usual they did quite a few projects around the house including staining the patio, painting a lot of lights, doors, and fans. (Our house still has all the gold hardware so we've found that painting everything is a cheaper alternative to buying new lights, doorknobs, fans etc). It was of course great having them here and nice that they like to work too :)
So, that Saturday, which was also Ivan's 32nd birthday (lucky dog), we left for Kauai. This trip has literally been years in the making. We talked about it for years before finally settling on 2014 so it could be a 40th anniversary celebration for my parents. We even bought our flights back in January (smokin' deal!) and have been waiting, waiting, waiting until October.
Ok, so we arrived in Kauai on Saturday around 1:30 pm and I was already in love before we landed. Seeing the island from the plane window is still one of favorites views from the whole trip. We grabbed our car and headed to The Outrigger: Waipouli Beach Resort, home for the week. It's on the east side of the island about 15 minutes north of the airport, which was an awesome central location by the way. You never really know what you're going to get when you book online. You're hopeful, the pictures are always great, but ya know, they could be showing you that one great room they have just for pictures. We pulled up and it had the huge open lobby like you see in the movies. Where it's all open, easy breezy, view of the koi pond, pool, and ocean. Good start. We head to our room and it was just as nice as the website promised. We had a 2 bedroom/3 bathroom condo for the week. So you walk into the full kitchen which opens to the living room and a small balcony, then there's a bedroom off to each side with its' own bathroom and balcony. The balconies overlooked the pool and just past the pool was the ocean.
After we settled in we walked down to the beach for awhile. Now, I had done my research before going to Kauai regarding the ocean and beaches and what to expect. The short version is that it's very rocky in a lot of places and the water is pretty rough. It was true to what I had read! You could go in the water but the sand was definitely more like small rocks than fine sand you're thinking of, and there was a lot of coral coming in with each giant wave. (We did buy some water shoes which made it so much better!) Still, it was beautiful and you could play a bit- mission accomplished. Our beach was also nice because it had a couple huge pieces of driftwood to sit on, which is where we spent several early mornings and evenings watching and listening to the ocean. Oh, and looking for crabs which completely freaked me out. One night Ivan and I were sitting on the driftwood in the dark listening to the water. I put my flashlight towards the water only to see tons of little and some not-so-little moving blobs aka crabs! That first night we went to dinner at The Bull Shed which was just a walk down the beach from our resort (although we didn't realize that until we pulled in..haha) Great food and we were sitting on the water.
Our first day there we kept as a lazy day in case we were too tired to do anything, but the time difference (3 hours behind AZ, 5 hours behind IL) made sure we all woke up early every day! I was very involved reading "Gone Girl" (highly recommend...if you want a good book that you also hate all at the same time) so I was glued to the beach or a pool chair or on the balcony reading. Was that the day we ate at Bubba Burgers? I think so... I think we also went souvenir hunting that day and ate at Bubbas--good food, very popular.
Day 2 we had a helicopter tour of the island. Amazing. My Dad has always wanted to ride in a helicopter so that was cool enough to begin with, not to mention the views. I don't really know how else to describe it other than amazing. There are times when you are completely surrounded by the mountains and our pilot did a 360 degree turn and it so cool and so disorienting! I couldn't even begin to count the number of waterfalls and rainbows that we saw. If you ever go, you need to do the helicopter tour. Then we can just say "ya know! I know!" to each other without speaking in full sentences because there are no words. The rest of that day was more beach, more pool, more eating (poor us).
Day 3 was an open day so we went in search of the "good beaches" and made sure to stop at all the lookout points along the way. I believe we each would have been happy to sit all day at each lookout point. It's just that beautiful and mesmerizing. Our journey concluded at Hanalei Bay on the north side of the island, where the sand and water are a bit friendlier. We played in the waves for hours, and lets just say there were a lot of laughs, salt water drinks, getting our butts kicked by the water. Ivan found the sweet spot where you're far enough out that the waves don't break on you but you can just float with them, so we all followed. It was hours of fun. Until you get moved to the un-sweet spot and giant waves break on you...hahaha At one point Ivan and I were sucked under and we were just a pile of feet and hands waiting to be spit out. Ivan accurately described it as "in the old cartoons when they are fighting and it's just a dust cloud and you see a foot or hand come out every once in awhile," Yes, that's what happened. The ocean also stole my sunglasses, I felt them get sucked straight off my face into oblivion! Yeah yeah, I shouldn't have had them on, but I thought I was in the sweet spot! I must add though as we were walking out I saw them stuck in a sandbar! Only to realize they weren't mine but I took them anyway, figured it was the ocean giving me a break.
Day 4 we headed to Princeville for zip-lining, kayaking, and hiking. You can choose from a bunch of different tours and activities there-- just zip lining, ATV tours, horseback riding, etc. We chose this one so we got a little bit of everything (zip lining was high on everyone's list and I really wanted to kayak). So, the tour started with a little hike to our kayaks. The kayaking was fun and a great introduction to kayaking because it was a small river--stream actually I think?--so not fast moving, no rapids, nothing to be worried about at all. It was so much fun! So we kayak a little ways before we hop out to hike some more. Hiking sometimes through knee deep water, to our zip-lines! Mom was a bit worried about this as she is afraid of heights but after one zip she was fine. We were encouraged to push each other off one starting point... so mom pushed dad, Ivan pushed me... hah :) After the zip lining we hiked down to a little water hole where we could jump in, float around, play in the waterfall, and have lunch. Then it was time to hike and kayak back to where we started. I think we all agreed this was one of our favorite days. Everything was fun, great scenery, and you get a chance to chat with locals (the guides). Which gave us more ideas of places to see, things to do, and food to eat!
Day 5 we drove south to Port Allen (near Poipu) for a sunset + dinner cruise on a 65' catamaran. Put me on a boat and I'm happy. Put me on a boat with a hammock and it's literally a dream come true. On this cruise we traveled for about 2 hours along the Na Pali Coast-- so all the things we saw from the helicopter we are now seeing from the bottom--before putting up the sail and having a steak & shrimp dinner (yummy) and cheesecake dessert, while sailing back as the sun set. You can probably paint your own picture on this one right?
Day 6 was left to souvenir shop, beach, pool, and a luau that night. The luau was pretty cool. When you arrive a tram drives you around the property and they have different villages set up representing all the different cultures that influenced the area. Then you can go watch the Imu ceremony where they tell you how the pig was cooked and they remove it from the ground. After that it's dinner time (all delicious) with some live music and dancing. Once dinner is done we walked over to the amphitheater for the show, which had various costumes & dances to represent different cultures-- the traditional Hawaiian, Tahitian, Chinese, Japanese, and Filipino.
Day 7 was departure day. Boo. We left from Lihue to Honolulu. From Honolulu back to Honolulu... yes. We were in the air about 45 minutes I think before the captain came on to say we had to return to Honolulu because something was wrong with the map display. I had secret hopes that once we landed the incoming hurricane/tropical storm would force us to stay in Honolulu. No such luck. We were back in the air within an hour or two, finally back to PHX.
When I spent the summer in the Florida Keys in 2004 I came back knowing my dream job was to drive a snorkel boat. Like if I just packed it all in and said forget conventional life I would head to the Keys and drive a snorkel boat. I would now like to add to my list working on a catamaran. Sign me up. I will happily go live in a very small overpriced house/apartment to live in Kauai and work on a boat. Or in a hotel. Whatever. Let me just get my affairs in order! ;)
Rewind: Mom and Dad flew in 5 days before we left so they could spend some time in Arizona too. As usual they did quite a few projects around the house including staining the patio, painting a lot of lights, doors, and fans. (Our house still has all the gold hardware so we've found that painting everything is a cheaper alternative to buying new lights, doorknobs, fans etc). It was of course great having them here and nice that they like to work too :)
So, that Saturday, which was also Ivan's 32nd birthday (lucky dog), we left for Kauai. This trip has literally been years in the making. We talked about it for years before finally settling on 2014 so it could be a 40th anniversary celebration for my parents. We even bought our flights back in January (smokin' deal!) and have been waiting, waiting, waiting until October.
Ok, so we arrived in Kauai on Saturday around 1:30 pm and I was already in love before we landed. Seeing the island from the plane window is still one of favorites views from the whole trip. We grabbed our car and headed to The Outrigger: Waipouli Beach Resort, home for the week. It's on the east side of the island about 15 minutes north of the airport, which was an awesome central location by the way. You never really know what you're going to get when you book online. You're hopeful, the pictures are always great, but ya know, they could be showing you that one great room they have just for pictures. We pulled up and it had the huge open lobby like you see in the movies. Where it's all open, easy breezy, view of the koi pond, pool, and ocean. Good start. We head to our room and it was just as nice as the website promised. We had a 2 bedroom/3 bathroom condo for the week. So you walk into the full kitchen which opens to the living room and a small balcony, then there's a bedroom off to each side with its' own bathroom and balcony. The balconies overlooked the pool and just past the pool was the ocean.
After we settled in we walked down to the beach for awhile. Now, I had done my research before going to Kauai regarding the ocean and beaches and what to expect. The short version is that it's very rocky in a lot of places and the water is pretty rough. It was true to what I had read! You could go in the water but the sand was definitely more like small rocks than fine sand you're thinking of, and there was a lot of coral coming in with each giant wave. (We did buy some water shoes which made it so much better!) Still, it was beautiful and you could play a bit- mission accomplished. Our beach was also nice because it had a couple huge pieces of driftwood to sit on, which is where we spent several early mornings and evenings watching and listening to the ocean. Oh, and looking for crabs which completely freaked me out. One night Ivan and I were sitting on the driftwood in the dark listening to the water. I put my flashlight towards the water only to see tons of little and some not-so-little moving blobs aka crabs! That first night we went to dinner at The Bull Shed which was just a walk down the beach from our resort (although we didn't realize that until we pulled in..haha) Great food and we were sitting on the water.
Our first day there we kept as a lazy day in case we were too tired to do anything, but the time difference (3 hours behind AZ, 5 hours behind IL) made sure we all woke up early every day! I was very involved reading "Gone Girl" (highly recommend...if you want a good book that you also hate all at the same time) so I was glued to the beach or a pool chair or on the balcony reading. Was that the day we ate at Bubba Burgers? I think so... I think we also went souvenir hunting that day and ate at Bubbas--good food, very popular.
Day 2 we had a helicopter tour of the island. Amazing. My Dad has always wanted to ride in a helicopter so that was cool enough to begin with, not to mention the views. I don't really know how else to describe it other than amazing. There are times when you are completely surrounded by the mountains and our pilot did a 360 degree turn and it so cool and so disorienting! I couldn't even begin to count the number of waterfalls and rainbows that we saw. If you ever go, you need to do the helicopter tour. Then we can just say "ya know! I know!" to each other without speaking in full sentences because there are no words. The rest of that day was more beach, more pool, more eating (poor us).
Day 3 was an open day so we went in search of the "good beaches" and made sure to stop at all the lookout points along the way. I believe we each would have been happy to sit all day at each lookout point. It's just that beautiful and mesmerizing. Our journey concluded at Hanalei Bay on the north side of the island, where the sand and water are a bit friendlier. We played in the waves for hours, and lets just say there were a lot of laughs, salt water drinks, getting our butts kicked by the water. Ivan found the sweet spot where you're far enough out that the waves don't break on you but you can just float with them, so we all followed. It was hours of fun. Until you get moved to the un-sweet spot and giant waves break on you...hahaha At one point Ivan and I were sucked under and we were just a pile of feet and hands waiting to be spit out. Ivan accurately described it as "in the old cartoons when they are fighting and it's just a dust cloud and you see a foot or hand come out every once in awhile," Yes, that's what happened. The ocean also stole my sunglasses, I felt them get sucked straight off my face into oblivion! Yeah yeah, I shouldn't have had them on, but I thought I was in the sweet spot! I must add though as we were walking out I saw them stuck in a sandbar! Only to realize they weren't mine but I took them anyway, figured it was the ocean giving me a break.
Day 4 we headed to Princeville for zip-lining, kayaking, and hiking. You can choose from a bunch of different tours and activities there-- just zip lining, ATV tours, horseback riding, etc. We chose this one so we got a little bit of everything (zip lining was high on everyone's list and I really wanted to kayak). So, the tour started with a little hike to our kayaks. The kayaking was fun and a great introduction to kayaking because it was a small river--stream actually I think?--so not fast moving, no rapids, nothing to be worried about at all. It was so much fun! So we kayak a little ways before we hop out to hike some more. Hiking sometimes through knee deep water, to our zip-lines! Mom was a bit worried about this as she is afraid of heights but after one zip she was fine. We were encouraged to push each other off one starting point... so mom pushed dad, Ivan pushed me... hah :) After the zip lining we hiked down to a little water hole where we could jump in, float around, play in the waterfall, and have lunch. Then it was time to hike and kayak back to where we started. I think we all agreed this was one of our favorite days. Everything was fun, great scenery, and you get a chance to chat with locals (the guides). Which gave us more ideas of places to see, things to do, and food to eat!
Day 5 we drove south to Port Allen (near Poipu) for a sunset + dinner cruise on a 65' catamaran. Put me on a boat and I'm happy. Put me on a boat with a hammock and it's literally a dream come true. On this cruise we traveled for about 2 hours along the Na Pali Coast-- so all the things we saw from the helicopter we are now seeing from the bottom--before putting up the sail and having a steak & shrimp dinner (yummy) and cheesecake dessert, while sailing back as the sun set. You can probably paint your own picture on this one right?
Day 6 was left to souvenir shop, beach, pool, and a luau that night. The luau was pretty cool. When you arrive a tram drives you around the property and they have different villages set up representing all the different cultures that influenced the area. Then you can go watch the Imu ceremony where they tell you how the pig was cooked and they remove it from the ground. After that it's dinner time (all delicious) with some live music and dancing. Once dinner is done we walked over to the amphitheater for the show, which had various costumes & dances to represent different cultures-- the traditional Hawaiian, Tahitian, Chinese, Japanese, and Filipino.
Day 7 was departure day. Boo. We left from Lihue to Honolulu. From Honolulu back to Honolulu... yes. We were in the air about 45 minutes I think before the captain came on to say we had to return to Honolulu because something was wrong with the map display. I had secret hopes that once we landed the incoming hurricane/tropical storm would force us to stay in Honolulu. No such luck. We were back in the air within an hour or two, finally back to PHX.
When I spent the summer in the Florida Keys in 2004 I came back knowing my dream job was to drive a snorkel boat. Like if I just packed it all in and said forget conventional life I would head to the Keys and drive a snorkel boat. I would now like to add to my list working on a catamaran. Sign me up. I will happily go live in a very small overpriced house/apartment to live in Kauai and work on a boat. Or in a hotel. Whatever. Let me just get my affairs in order! ;)
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Pinch me??
Last time I wrote I was in a state of complete bliss apparently, pinch me I just finished an amazing summer, pinch me I started a new job where I get a lot of time at home, pinch me I saw tons of my favorite people.
I'm currently in a state of, pinch me...am I there yet?! I completely underestimated the adjustment to a new job after having worked in the same setting the past 9 years. I guess I should say, I told myself and others I knew there would be an adjustment.... to a new setting, new kids, new co-workers, new level of work, new hours, new routines... I still know that. But it doesn't make it any easier.
I'm in the phase where I want to fast forward a few months and be like "oh yeah, old hat, love this, feels like it is what I've always done." But I'm not there yet. And frankly I struggle because I don't see that end in sight....! And it's not in my nature to complain or not always look for the bright side (I still look for the bright side & can clearly identify it....but it certainly doesn't change how I feel.) I thought, maybe if I write about it and let it out a bit it won't feel so overwhelming...?
If you asked me what was difficult I couldn't really even pinpoint it. I can only boil it down to second guessing myself and for what reason I have no idea. My families, kids, and co-workers are all fantastic.
I have moments where I feel like what a recovering addict must feel like... just get through the next moment, the next session, the next day, the next week. And other times where I am sailing right along like this change is the best thing since sliced bread.
I have been assured that this is normal. But in this case, normal kinda sucks. So, in addition to my session to session mantra, I will add, next weekend I get to go to California with Ivan (who I am clinging to because when I feel like this the best way to explain it is that I get a "homesick" feeling for Ivan, I am homesick for Ivan quite a bit these days, yes even though I see him every single day...hah), in two weeks my parents will be here (yay, more people to cling to), and in 3 weeks we'll be in Hawaii having the time of our lives.
Serenity prayer anyone? Here we go.
I'm currently in a state of, pinch me...am I there yet?! I completely underestimated the adjustment to a new job after having worked in the same setting the past 9 years. I guess I should say, I told myself and others I knew there would be an adjustment.... to a new setting, new kids, new co-workers, new level of work, new hours, new routines... I still know that. But it doesn't make it any easier.
I'm in the phase where I want to fast forward a few months and be like "oh yeah, old hat, love this, feels like it is what I've always done." But I'm not there yet. And frankly I struggle because I don't see that end in sight....! And it's not in my nature to complain or not always look for the bright side (I still look for the bright side & can clearly identify it....but it certainly doesn't change how I feel.) I thought, maybe if I write about it and let it out a bit it won't feel so overwhelming...?
If you asked me what was difficult I couldn't really even pinpoint it. I can only boil it down to second guessing myself and for what reason I have no idea. My families, kids, and co-workers are all fantastic.
I have moments where I feel like what a recovering addict must feel like... just get through the next moment, the next session, the next day, the next week. And other times where I am sailing right along like this change is the best thing since sliced bread.
I have been assured that this is normal. But in this case, normal kinda sucks. So, in addition to my session to session mantra, I will add, next weekend I get to go to California with Ivan (who I am clinging to because when I feel like this the best way to explain it is that I get a "homesick" feeling for Ivan, I am homesick for Ivan quite a bit these days, yes even though I see him every single day...hah), in two weeks my parents will be here (yay, more people to cling to), and in 3 weeks we'll be in Hawaii having the time of our lives.
Serenity prayer anyone? Here we go.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Pinch Me
Do you ever have those pinch me days? Where you just stop and think...this is my life? I've had a lot of those lately. Most recently, today. I got to sleep in. Watch a movie. Read a book. And just float around the pool with Ivan listening to some island jams. That's my favorite thing in the world. Those are the moments when I put my book down, paddle from end to end, and just think...this is the best. I was lucky enough to do the exact same thing yesterday too. Two pinch me days in a row (one by surprise, as I was scheduled to work but they didn't need me) Even better...a surprise pinch me day.
And the day before that I was sitting on Santa Monica Beach, one of my favorite places. Reading a different book and playing in the ocean. Pinch me, three days in a row.
The day before that Ivan and I wandered around Pasadena where we used to live 7 years ago, went to dinner, and then to see Eminem in concert with about 70,000 other people who love him as much as I do. Pinch me, four days in a row.
The day before that was one of my "new normal" days where I drive from house to house playing with kids...and since my schedule is still filling up, I saw a few kids, then came home for most of the day to read and nap, before seeing a few more kids. I'll take that as a pinch me day, 5 days in a row.
Back up a couple more days and we had 10 of our favorite people come visit from California. We had the honor of housing all of them, grilling out, tubing down the Salt River, and just having a great time...laughing and relaxing. One of those times where you can just look around at everyone laughing and talking, having fun, and just be happy to know them all and have them in one place. Pinch me.
Back up another day, my newest nephew arrived! He is an absolute doll. Pinch me.
If I look back at July, it was pretty much a pinch me month...spending a weekend in Spokane, WA (it's a breath of fresh, cool, air up there), river rafting in Utah, going to San Francisco and seeing friends, and being at home with all of our family. Pinch. Me.
And the day before that I was sitting on Santa Monica Beach, one of my favorite places. Reading a different book and playing in the ocean. Pinch me, three days in a row.
The day before that Ivan and I wandered around Pasadena where we used to live 7 years ago, went to dinner, and then to see Eminem in concert with about 70,000 other people who love him as much as I do. Pinch me, four days in a row.
The day before that was one of my "new normal" days where I drive from house to house playing with kids...and since my schedule is still filling up, I saw a few kids, then came home for most of the day to read and nap, before seeing a few more kids. I'll take that as a pinch me day, 5 days in a row.
Back up a couple more days and we had 10 of our favorite people come visit from California. We had the honor of housing all of them, grilling out, tubing down the Salt River, and just having a great time...laughing and relaxing. One of those times where you can just look around at everyone laughing and talking, having fun, and just be happy to know them all and have them in one place. Pinch me.
Back up another day, my newest nephew arrived! He is an absolute doll. Pinch me.
If I look back at July, it was pretty much a pinch me month...spending a weekend in Spokane, WA (it's a breath of fresh, cool, air up there), river rafting in Utah, going to San Francisco and seeing friends, and being at home with all of our family. Pinch. Me.
Monday, July 28, 2014
River Lesson
Last night as we were flying into Phoenix I was thinking about the extremes of the last week. One week ago I was spending my last night on the river face painting, sharing belly laughs with people I had only met days earlier, singing and rapping in a talent show, participating in a native ceremony, and sleeping under the stars. Last night I was flying into Phoenix from Spokane, Washington from a business event named "Family Reunion" where we celebrate all the progress people have made in our business family, all 5000 of us. Talk about some extremes. From only thinking about having fun with 32 other people to sitting in an arena with 5000 people. If I'm being honest it was a little exhausting and kind of a shock to my system in my post-river glow.
But I also found myself noticing things I may not have noticed before. We had a connecting flight from Spokane in Oakland. We were taking off at sunset and the view was so cool. I may not have mentioned this in my writing about San Francisco but one of the neatest things is watching the clouds roll in. I have no idea what makes this happen (if you know, please share) but it seems like the land is higher or the clouds are lower..something happens which places you in the clouds or you can sit and look across the city and the clouds feel like they are eye-level. It is one of the coolest things about San Francisco in my opinion (that and the streets being as steep as they are, when you see them from a distance it is just mind-blowing.) So, as we're taking off from Oakland with the sky already being that awesome sunset-pink, it's late enough to see the city lights, light enough to see the clouds. I just thought it was the neatest thing, to peak through the clouds at the city and the horizon.
As we were descending into Phoenix we were racing a storm (we beat it, yay!) so we could again see the clouds, lightning (which I was not fortunate enough to capture a picture of) but what I really noticed was how much I love our grid! Yes, I actually found some beauty in our streets' grid system....
Even though I'm not on the river with just the shooting stars (25 my whole trip!!), the canyon walls, or the muddy river, I am still noticing the little things more and seeing the beauty (without even trying) in the every day stuff. That might be my biggest take away from the river.
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