Last time I wrote I was in a state of complete bliss apparently, pinch me I just finished an amazing summer, pinch me I started a new job where I get a lot of time at home, pinch me I saw tons of my favorite people.
I'm currently in a state of, pinch me...am I there yet?! I completely underestimated the adjustment to a new job after having worked in the same setting the past 9 years. I guess I should say, I told myself and others I knew there would be an adjustment.... to a new setting, new kids, new co-workers, new level of work, new hours, new routines... I still know that. But it doesn't make it any easier.
I'm in the phase where I want to fast forward a few months and be like "oh yeah, old hat, love this, feels like it is what I've always done." But I'm not there yet. And frankly I struggle because I don't see that end in sight....! And it's not in my nature to complain or not always look for the bright side (I still look for the bright side & can clearly identify it....but it certainly doesn't change how I feel.) I thought, maybe if I write about it and let it out a bit it won't feel so overwhelming...?
If you asked me what was difficult I couldn't really even pinpoint it. I can only boil it down to second guessing myself and for what reason I have no idea. My families, kids, and co-workers are all fantastic.
I have moments where I feel like what a recovering addict must feel like... just get through the next moment, the next session, the next day, the next week. And other times where I am sailing right along like this change is the best thing since sliced bread.
I have been assured that this is normal. But in this case, normal kinda sucks. So, in addition to my session to session mantra, I will add, next weekend I get to go to California with Ivan (who I am clinging to because when I feel like this the best way to explain it is that I get a "homesick" feeling for Ivan, I am homesick for Ivan quite a bit these days, yes even though I see him every single day...hah), in two weeks my parents will be here (yay, more people to cling to), and in 3 weeks we'll be in Hawaii having the time of our lives.
Serenity prayer anyone? Here we go.
