Hey all

Hey :) I haven't written in awhile, not much to say I guess, at least not much eventful. Let's see...since I last wrote, I turned 25! Luckily I had been thinking about it long before the actual day, so I didn't really care much about it. But, a few months earlier, I really thought I was old. Anyway, for my birthday we went out to eat at Olive Garden (duh!) and we went to see Wicked. For those who don't know, Wicked is a musical about the witches of OZ, prior to Dorothy. It was so great. The acting, the singing, the story, the set, it was wonderful. I totally recommend it, in fact it is playing in Chicago as well so GO SEE IT!

Hmm...what else? Lucy's hair has grown out some so she looks a little bit normal now. Although I still much prefer her fluffy. Maybe by the time we're home this summer she'll be fluffy again...

This summer- I can't remember if I posted this or not, but I will be staying in California longer than I thought. I got talked into working summer school, so that will be done on July 20th and we'll head home that weekend. We'll only be home for 3 weeks. But that's ok.

My Aunt Deb & Uncle Stan came to visit last week. We had so much fun. They did sightseeing during the day, at night we went to dinner, I showed them where I worked, and the last night they were here we went to the Dodger-Cub game. I'm not even a baseball fan, but it was a good game, and a pretty crazy crowd. The Dodger fans were ruthless with the Cubbie fans...it definitely crossed that line of friendly competition. Security was all over the place that night. When we got home from the game we played the Wii for awhile.

The Wii--can't remember if I talked about that either...if I didn't, it's basically a virtual reality game, the new Nintendo. However you hold/move the remote is what it does on the screen--so if you are playing baseball you hold it like a bat & swing, bowling--you bowl, etc. It's really really fun. Especially for all ages. Adults can definitely enjoy it. Try it!

Hmm....not much else I guess. I just went through my closet & dresser and got rid of some clothes...5 garbage bags! Who knew. Ivan & I really don't want to move much with us to AZ. That's my contribution to lessening the load. Ivan has a TON of stuff he needs to get rid of. He has clothes that were never even unpacked, not even unpacked when we moved to Rancho!! A tub of junk that has just been traveling with him from college that needs to just be dumped. We're finally going to do it this time when we move.

Anyway, guess I'll get going.

Lucy's Hair...

So, Lucy is nearly bald right now! Her hair got matted in some places pretty bad so they had to shave her down nearly to the skin. She looks ridiculous. It's punishment for Ivan & I guess for not taking care of her hair better...I've been saying she looks like Nicole Richie or the Olson twins or something, with this giant head and tiny body, like a bobblehead!

It's working...

The Secret is working! So, in the secret book & movie they talk about just believing that things will work out, act as though you already have something and it will come to you, etc. Things like that. Well, when I found my South Africa trip and knew it was the one I wanted to take, I couldn't decide if I should put the deposit down or not since we were coming into summer and I didn't plan on working. I planned on probably baby-sitting for my friend and just kicking back. I figured that I shouldn't spend money on a deposit, what if because of that I wouldn't have enough money saved for my bills over the summer? And then I thought, I am going to trust in the secret, put the deposit down because that is what I want, and just trust that I will have the money somehow for the summer. The day after I did that, I was offered to extend my contract through summer school...could be a coincidence, could be the law of attraction...who cares? It doesn't hurt to believe that the secret is in motion. So, once I was offered summer school there were still some hang ups to get through--- the fact that my housing might not be taken care of by my company, the apartment might not even be available to extend the lease, I couldn't abandon my friend who I was going to baby-sit for... and all of those things have worked themselves out! The company decided to cover my housing even though I won't be working full time, the lease is able to be extended for those 5 weeks, and the day care I used to work at is able to take my friend's son so I don't need to worry about leaving her high & dry! Everything just fell into place. Pretty awesome. If you know anything about The Secret, choose to believe it or not, it's a classic example I think.

Ivan & I are going back to school in the fall! We met with a counselor at University of Phoenix-- the online & night school that has become pretty popular. In the fall I'll start the Bachelor's in Human Services (like sociology) and Ivan will start his Masters in Counseling. We're both so excited. It'll be my way out of O.T if I choose that someday, or I'll be ready to get my masters in O.T. if that's the route I end up going. And Ivan will be ready to get to what he wants to do-- guidance counseling. Plus, Ivan will be looking for a new job when we get to Phoenix, and there are a ton of positions for Admissions Counselors at UofP. Which would be really great experience for him for the future, he'll need a job, AND employees tuition is free! So hopefully that works out. It'd be the perfect job for him, but free tuition?? Pretty awesome icing on a really good cake! ha Hopefully that works out, we'll see. Even if it doesn't, getting back to school will be great. I always feel like I have more of a purpose when I'm going to school. I'll be that person who is going to school and changing careers forever. I'm still not even entirely sure what I want to do anyway-- but I know I want to be helping people in some way, and I think being on the social work end of it, getting people the services they need is more appealing to me than actually providing the services like I am now. I think it'd be cool at some point to help with disaster relief or something like that, with the Red Cross or the Peace Corps or something. Who knows!

South Africa here I come!

Ok, well not right away. I will be going to South Africa for a 6 week volunteer trip in June 2008! YAHOO!

Ok, so for a few years now I have been looking into international volunteering, with my focus on South Africa. Mostly because I have a strong interest in the AIDS epidemic and all that has been affected by that. I don't know what made me interested, but especially since I gave a speech about it in December 2003, I have wanted to get over there and just have been waiting until I found the right opportunity and the money! And I finally think I have. I made the deposit!

The organization is called AVIVA. They are located in Cape Town, South Africa, and only do volunteer work in South Africa. So that was kind of nice to me, the headquarter's local, the people in charge are close by and therefore know exactly what goes on in their volunteer locations and visit them frequently. Comforting.

Plus, they're the cheapest place I found. Yes, you have to pay to volunteer. There's a lot of reasons for that-- what you pay helps with their operation costs, some goes as a donation to where you're volunteering, they provide your housing and some meals, and they include some fun tourist stuff as well.

Another thing I liked about them is that you're housing is like a dorm for all the volunteers. Some other places you stay with a host family or in a hostel-- for my first visit to a whole nother continent I'm a little bit more comfortable with having a nice little place to stay!

So, with all of that said-- where I have chosen to volunteer is called "Home of Hope." It's an orphanage, which has children from infants to 3 years old. Some kids have parents who can't take care of them, some have been abused, some have HIV/AIDS, some have lost their parents to HIV/AIDS or other reasons. Basically, my job there will be like working in a day care. Taking care of the kids, feeding, playing with them, giving their medications, all the basic stuff kids need. From what I read on the website, I think you work 3.5 days and then are off 3.5 days to do tourist stuff. And there is so much to do! I'm so excited :)

So I just wanted to share that with everyone. It's not until next June, but I will already be planning and saving up for that trip. If anyone wants to donate any money for me to take with me to give to Home of Hope, I will glady do that as well. But that's all for now. You'll hear much more about it the year ahead! Check out the website www.aviva-sa.com And if you want to come too I'm sure you won't regret it!

Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm Yours!

Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours...school district in Phoenix. Yes, I signed the contract, signed my life away from August 13th to May 22nd, to a school district in El Mirage, AZ...which is just the outskirts of Phoenix. I think it's like 45 minutes to downtown Phoenix. I'm very excited because now I don't have to think about it anymore. I know exactly where I'll be in the fall and I can concentrate on finding a place to live, AND having an awesome summer. Yahoo!

Visitors

**I wrote this a week ago but it wouldn't post**

Hey :) My parents came out to visit last week. Let me back up, last Friday night was Lucy's 1st birthday party. Breigh & a date, and Mari & Jeff came over to celebrate. See, we never do anything, so it was a great excuse for me to be social! Anyway, it was fun, we ate, we drank, I drank, I drank, we played a couple games. They left, and I was hungover the next morning. Thing is, I didn't think I drank that much, and I purposely didn't because I had to get my parents from LAX Saturday morning...I was throwing up, driving to LAX with a bag just in case. Felt like crap, thought I was going to pass out. But it was ok. So, my parents came, Saturday I just showed them around Pasadena, Sunday we went to Santa Monica, Monday we went to the San Diego Zoo, and Wednesday we did Hollywood. It was all a good time. It was fun stuff, good to see them, and it's always nice to have visitors you know? Oh, and while in Hollywood we saw "White Boy" from "I Love New York," we pulled up next to him and he said that he was in town filming the reunion show (which should be on Monday I think) and we also saw Will Ferrall's son playing in the driveway while on our tour of the stars' homes.

This week was my spring break, so after my parents left I still had 3 days off work (plus this weekend). I don't think anyone could have been less productive than me in these 3 days. I did some laundry, picked up a few things from the grocery store, got a couple little errands done, and took Lucy to the park (keep in mind, that is over the course of 3 days), and other than that, I've done nothing but lay on the couch :) Which is nice...I guess...I slept until noon today. YAY! I also watched a lot of movies, which is actually out of character for me, I prefer TV to movies because there's not as much attention involved. Anyway, this week was the first time in my life I'd ever bought a movie off the cable (I know...I'm a bit behind). Thursday night Ivan & I rented "Babel". It was good...but in a different way. So Friday, I found that I was addicted to renting movies from the TV-- I watched "Stranger then Fiction" (liked it), "Little Miss Sunshine" (liked it), "Employee of the Month" (could have done without it), and "Running With Scissors" (it was ok...not sure how I feel about it really). See...very productive!

I did have my interview for Phoenix on Thursday. I think it went ok. You never really know with those things you know? You could answer great, but it's all relative, what are they looking for? Now it's just a wait & see. And if this one doesn't work out, I'm not worried. There are always jobs to be had. And it's still very early in the game. Last year I didn't sign my fall contract until mid-August. I wanted to get it done early this year so I wouldn't change my mind!

What else...nothing I guess. I'm looking for a summer job. I can't decide if I want to try & get an O.T job because the money will be good, or try & go back to the day care, because I love it there :) I think it will be kinda hard to get an OT job though because if I go the OT route, I don't want to work the whole time I'm home, only 4-5 weeks, and take 3-4 off. If I work at the daycare, I'll probably work the whole summer. Who knows. Financially, makes more sense to do OT, but I'd also like to enjoy myself, and I'm not that comfortable in nursing homes & hospitals, so I'd be a little bit unhappy everyday...I dunno!

Sadness

So, I work for a contract company. In that company I have my recruiter, Allison. She is the person who I call or email when I need to bitch, am happy about something, need help with something, have any questions, etc. I first got in contact with Allison in the fall of 2004. We started talking and and actually created a friendship, even though I didn't work for her company my first year in California. We still stayed in touch, and this year I worked for her company. I have a loyalty to Allison, not so much to the company, but me & Allison had an instant connection; although I think she's just a people person so I'm sure she has that connection with everyone she meets. Anyway, she called me yesterday and told me that she is quitting to stay home with her kids...good for her right? I tried to pretend to be happy for her but it makes me sad. I kinda feel abandoned and like, how am I supposed to feel about a new recruiter? It's an odd lonely feeling. In the world of travel therapy, you need someone you can count on and someone you are confident has your best interests at heart, and someone you feel has your back, and really, someone who knows what it's like. Not everyone knows about this business. I've had my share of complaints and everything between me & Allison, sometimes I thought we were too much of friends instead of a professional relationship, and so that made it hard. But now I'm seeing that it was a good thing to have.

My new recruiter called me tonight. She seems nice. But she's not Allison :( And we won't have that same connection. And it's hard to just immediately trust that someone is going to do everything they can for you. I had grown to know that Allison could understand where I was coming from, whether I was being irrational or not, I think she listened, and tried to understand where I was coming from. And whether she could change the situation for me or not, that is ultimately what mattered. She at least listened and would chime in with me while I was bitching. Ya know? I think it's kinda rare to find someone who will just chat with you. Maybe not. It was just natural for us. And now I'm scared! Allison knew how I was obsessive about things and might possibly email and call several times a day when I was excited about a job or a move or some minor detail...can I do that with a new person? I dunno. Anyway, I'm just a little depressed, I'm not going to lie.

It's so hot in Arizona...

As we prepare for the move to the Phoenix area...oh yeah, we're moving to Phoenix in the fall. I love California but I am ready for something different. Have to keep me interested in life you know. Anyway, any time I say that's where we're moving, people say "It's really hot there" or something along those lines. Yeah, thanks guys. I realize that it's really hot there. Maybe I haven't experienced the actual heat, but yes, I understand it's incredibly hot. With that said, here's some one-liners about the heat in AZ:

• the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
• the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
• farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
• the cows are giving evaporated milk.
• the trees are whistling for the dogs.
• you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
• you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
• you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
• you can make instant sun tea.
• you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
• the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
• you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
• you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
• you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
• The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
• you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
• you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
• you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• hot water now comes out of both taps.
• it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
• you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
• you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. work.
• no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
• your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
• you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
• a sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."

**Some of these I have experienced in the So-Cal heat...or because of the humidity in Key Largo! Although, I'm sure AZ is still worse**

And this...which could quite possibly end up on my blog in my own words... "Diary of Moving to Arizona"

May 15th: Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 108 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, work in an air-conditioned office. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days of work; what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 25th: Dry heat, my butt. Hot is hot! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the A/C repairman charged $250 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,600 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4th: 115 degrees! Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $1,200 and gets the temperature down to about 90. I hate this [expletive deleted] state.

August 8th: If another wise a** cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear his [expletive deleted] throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and no deodorant works well enough!

August 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and Sunny. It's been too hot to sleep for two damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert? $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the [expletive deleted] pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.

August 14th: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 120 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the [expletive deleted] windshield out of the BMW. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,600 house payment to bail me out of jail.

August 30th: Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The [expletive deleted] monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The BMW is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500 windshield. nobody told me about staying out of the washes during a "flash flood" warning. That does it. We're moving back to California and buying a house next to the freeway for some peace and quiet.

Puppy stuff...

Well, I am always thinking about getting another puppy. We will be celebrating Lucy's 1st Birthday on April 6th...yes we're having a party. Complete with homemade dog treats, party guests, and some doggy themed human treats...it's mostly an excuse for Ivan & I to have people over for drinks, and then go out, but we'll call it Lucy's Birthday party!!

So like I said, I've been thinking about another dog since about a month after I got Lucy...but I've been patient, haven't got one. I keep checking the website where I got Lucy just to eye their pups and see what's available. I used to think I wanted a black one, so we'd have one white & one black. But when we go to the park and I see Lucy playing with the other white maltese & poodles, and maltipoos, I think, that is so cute! They look like little twins. Anyway, there are some white maltipoos on the site right now...they are 4 weeks old, by the time I got them they'd be too old. So I emailed the breeder to see what she's got coming up this year, and if it'd be possible to get the same parents. Bad news...Lucy's mom died a couple months ago. Her name was Whodeanie. I guess she died a few days after giving birth to a new litter. I'm wondering if her litters were just a little too close together and that's what happened. They say to keep an eye out for breeders who breed their dogs too much, without a break in between. She had almost a year, I did some research and they say at least a year is good...so almost. Whether it's too much or not, I'm not really that concerned by it, maybe I should be. Pound-puppy lovers would say I should not buy from this place, but I can't argue with the fact that I got a very healthy, very socialized, well taken care of, and I believe, well loved puppy :) That's good enough for me, and I think the breeder means well. Maybe I'm naive...oh well.

So, she does have a couple of litters coming up this year...who knows. Ivan's a little bit opposed to another dog...but he was opposed to Lucy and I know he wouldn't change that. My thing is, I can't decide if it's good for her or not. I think she'd truly enjoy the company, she loves playing with other dogs, nonstop if we're around them all day even. BUT, when we're all just laying around I think...will she miss having us all to herself? Will I miss it being just her? I'm guessing this is a little bit of what parents-to-be go through when deciding to expand their family? I dunno...

Hey

Hey all :) Not much going on, just thought I'd post. So let's see...the marathon is over and so I thought I'd be able to sleep more now but that hasn't been the case. I had a conference for work the first weekend after and I've been working quite a bit at my second job so I've been busier than ever. The second job is good. I'm getting the experience at least with the old folks, but at the same time I'm not learning a ton of necessary things I think, not enough to just walk in somewhere and know exactly what to do. I know enough to get by. For now, that's ok I guess.

For me regular job the next 2 weeks are going to be really busy with meetings and things and so I want to get through that as fast as possible, but also because after that it's spring break!! So I won't have to work, YAY! Plus, my parents are coming to visit, so that will be fun too. And Ivan's mom might come out for a weekend right after they leave so it'll be busy. Which will make time go by faster, which is cool because 1. then it will be summer!!! and 2. because we're coming home for the summer! Yes, my contract here is done on June 15th, so within a few days of that, we will be home until after Labor Day! I'm working on getting a job for at least part of the summer if not the whole thing. Hope that works out. Ivan's not sure what he's doing yet, he might go home to St. Louis for the summer or he might stay in Heyworth too, we dunno! Depends on if/where he can find a job too.

We've pretty much decided that we're moving to Phoenix in the fall. It was always between staying in California or moving to Phoenix. About 2 weeks ago I would have said I'm 90% sure we're staying in CA, but now I'm 90% sure we're moving... I just need a change. I still like CA, I just want to see something new and Phoenix supposedly has more money, bigger living space (yay) and it's still warm...ok it's hotttt! I've looked into the city a little and there's tons to do, lots of dog parks, our gym is there. I've loved living in Pasadena, having that downtown city-life experience. It's been fun, but it's not me. I'm so looking forward to a suburban feel again! Kinda funny.

Gotta go, Ivan just brought home Popeye's & I'm starving...by the way, if you've never had Popeye's it's the best fried chicken you will EVER eat. Guranteed.

Lucy Lou-Hoo

Just thought I'd post a couple of pics of Lucy. The first one is of Ivan & Lucy having a very serious conversation... and then the next one is from today, Lucy just got her bath & haircut.

And yeah, her full name is actually Lucy Lou the Maltipoo...but I like to call her Lucy Lou-Hoo.

Post-Marathon Blues :(

They said "you might be a little depressed during and after the marathon." I thought they were crazy...but just like usual, they were right. No I'm not sitting here with tears streaming into the keyboard, but you get this "now what?" feeling. Since late September we (my team) have spent our Saturdays together hanging out, getting to know each other, and every weekend pushing ourselves just a little bit farther than we thought possible. Throughout the week we'd have Wednesday night practices and emails galore from coaches & mentors. All you (I) think about is oh man, I can't wait until I can sleep in on Saturday, stop taking ice baths, and give my feet a break! Can't wait until I can stop asking people for money :) Ok...so now's that time? Why aren't we all shouting from the rooftops? 'Cause now we don't know what the hell to do with ourselves, at least I don't, and I know several other teammates shooting around the emails saying the same stuff.

I was telling my aunt and a friend of mine-- it is really nice to hear how people are proud, or can't believe you did it & all of those wonderful things because to be honest, you're not really thinking it. Only until I was in the marathon did I realize how much it wasn't even about the marathon. You feel like the real accomplishment was signing up, begging people for money (actually getting all the money!), raising awareness, making new friends, and just getting to the start line--nothing at all about the finish line! The job was already done! Not to mention, you already knew that quitting wasn't even an option...so why should finishing be a surprise or feel good? And for me...it wasn't that great. So let me take you through it-- you cross the finish line, you're immediately corralled to the side where they cut your timing chip off your shoe, keep walking to get a congrats and a medal thrown around your neck, and then what? If you're me, you stumble around downtown L.A. frustrated that you can't remember how many blocks away your hotel is, and talking to people on the phone but not really remembering what you had said! The finish line isn't this glorious moment of running through the tape with Chariots of Fire playing!! That's pretty much only for the first guy! hahaha Aside from the immediate 'then what', you have to think about --what am I going to do without these people? without Saturday mornings? without the encouraging emails? without the "I'm curing cancer"? without your coaches, teammates, mentors & survivors constantly telling you that you're a hero and such a wonderful person? (yeah, it's easy to get used to hearing that one all the time! haha)

They also tell you, once you do this you will start to get this "Wow, I can do anything attitude." And yeah you kinda do. Name it-- I'll probably say yeah, you could do that. All you really need is the want, and crazily enough, you'll do it. (I don't even like to run! Still don't guys. But I like to cross a finish line...uneventful as it is!)

So...you're asking, what is it that she wants to do now? Would she do this again? Yep. Team In Training trains people for endurance events...not just 1/2 and full marathons. We're talking Triathlons and Century Rides--riding a bike for 100 miles! For people who complete all three of these, you are a Triple Crown winner!

I'm shooting for the Triple Crown!! Stay tuned 'cause I'll need your help once again. The problem is that I have such loyalty to the marathon team, parts of me doesn't want to do TNT without them, but I'm sure I'll be back to it, maybe even before I move to the triathlon. In the meantime, while I recover, I might go out and cheer on the summer team and hand them their PB&J and gatorade.

L.A. Marathon finsher right here!

So, about the marathon. Let's start at the beginning. Saturday I checked into the hotel that TNT provides, we were on the 22nd floor, that alone was exciting, right in the middle of L.A. Plenty of pictures of that. That night we had a pasta party and one of my favorite people, Sara, came & I didn't know she was going to be there so that was like a major highlight & boost!

Sunday, we wake up at 4:00 a.m., get ready, go downstairs, take a bus to Universal Studio's and let the chaos begin. We go to the starting line...I can't even explain what this looks like. Just imagine blocks and blocks of streets filled with people. I hope someone has pictures of it. Music is playing, although I could barely hear it. I did hear for the first time "I Love L.A" which I put as my profile song so you can hear it and because I have a little L.A. pride right now because of the marathon.

We finally start moving, there were soldiers giving us all high-fives, which anything soldier-related makes me tear up for some reason. Anyway, it was steady uphillish for 1.5 miles, then downhill or flat for about 20 miles! (YAY) My teammate Rebekah and I were together for about 11 miles until she wanted to go faster, so I let her go because I thought I needed to save what I could for the second half you know? Well I don't know what would have been better--running fast in the beginning so you get done faster or going slow & kinda steady. Because by mile 15 it started getting rough. Oh-- around mile 11 the fat guy from Borat--his sidekick, was handing out the water, that's a highlight I guess! I would say 15, 16, 17 were really hard and I was alone. Well obviously there were thousands of people around me, but no teammates. Then out of nowhere, at 17ish, my teammate Billy came up behind me and we stuck together until mile 25. Lifesaver right there! Once you are out there for awhile you just go through all the emotions, you want to quit, you want to cry, it's crazy. At mile 18 & 19 there were more teammates who weren't running that day, just there to cheer us on. They stuck with us to the end!! You get to a point where you don't even want to talk to them, but you're so happy they are there. Around mile 20 I wasn't sure how my feet were still moving but they were, very slowly though! At mile 25 my wonderful teammate and another favorite person, Mari, showed up to cheer me on. I cried. It's so emotional and you're almost to the end and I was so happy to see her. Not to mention, I walked a lot faster once I got to her! So Mari got me from 25 to 26, then my coach came in at about 25.5 and kept me company until that .2 and then I finished!!! 8 1/2 hours later!!!! I finished 19,622 out of over 25,000 people. Which is kinda weird to think that I took 8.5 hours to finish and there were still like 6,000 people behind me!

Oh-- so the course started at Universal Studio's, went by the Hollywood Bowl, down Hollywood Blvd, through Hancock Park (rich folk sitting on their comfy lawn furniture watching you go by..jealous!), by the Colliseum, then some...not so nice neighborhoods...south centralish & East L.A., back across the bridge (where I literally felt like I was walking to my death...it was a low moment!), back to the tall buildings and that's where we stopped! There were bands along the way, tons of people cheering you on from their porches, handing out cookies, water & gatorade. Lots of ambulances flying by, firemen letting the hydrants spray into the streets, I think I may have seen someone have a heart attack...yeah so all exciting stuff!

Long ass day my friends! I have blisters, I have chafing in places I didn't know could chafe...I still can't figure it out, my face is so burnt I thought maybe I had some kind of sun posioning! My lips are chapped and I can no longer walk...I shuffle around. Although I do have to say that I have come a very long way. I remember the day of our 3 mile training in October...I literally laid on the couch for like 2 days and ached all over...and I can honestly say that I feel better after 26.2 than I did after 3 five months ago!

I talked to my veteran teammates about how it was for them and they all had a rough day. People were injured and had to walk most of it, and these are the ultra-prepared people. It was about 83 degrees which I think played a big part in everyone having a hard time- it was the 2nd hottest L.A. marathon in its' history. One teammate said if it had been her first marathon, she didn't know if she would've done another one...so I guess that's kinda good in a way, to know that future marathons could be easier, that it was hard for even the veterans.

So, thanks for the support! Pictures to come soon!

Old folks are cool!

So I got a part time job doing therapy in the nursing homes. What I enjoy the most is just chillin' with these old people. It's a nice change from the kids, being able to have a regular--ok fairly regular conversation--with someone. And I'm only there for 2-3 hours at a time, so that's nice too. You don't have time to get sick of anything.

So today, one of my patients was a deaf woman, who could read lips like nobody's business, and she could speak very well too-- I think she just was given the title of legally deaf recently. Anyway, you know what she wanted to talk about? Celebrity gossip. She's right up my alley. We talked about Mel Gibson, Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz & Justin Timberlake...it was hilarious.

Then I saw a guy who was from Hungary, a senator from Hungary-- so imagine a wonderful Russian sounding accent ok. I meet him, and he tells me several times that he thinks I'm an angel, that heaven sent to help "learn him" things--things about his arms and things for his mind. He's so thankful to meet me and have me help him. Do you think my kids say this to me? Let me help you out...they don't. They might kick and scream and cry on the floor, refuse to walk, or they'll run away. Yea, sometimes they love me, sometimes they don't, but they never say I'm an angel that they're thankful for! A nice change. And we talked about politics & traveling. And I actually spoke to his daughter on the phone...weird.

What I'm Learning...

As you know I'm learning more about "The Secret," which is the law of attraction-- like things attract like things. Meaning, good thoughts attract good things, bad thoughts attract bad things. I ordered the DVD, and Ivan bought me the book. I can't put it down! I am feverishly note-taking, and writing down what I want, what I'm gratfeul for, and what makes me happy! Notice how I didn't say anything about what I don't want... :)

What I've learned is that when asking for things, negative words aren't recognized. So for example, if you were to say "I don't want to get sick." You can just take the don't right out of it (I want to get sick) and that's what you'll get! Not because you might truly want that, but because the negative word isn't acknowledged! So what should have been said there? "I want to be healthy!"

There are 3 steps. 1. ASK...ask for what you want (I want a million dollars!) 2. BELIEVE...believe that you will receive it, and believe that you already have it. This is the tricky part I think because obviously if I had a million dollars I'd be on a shopping spree. But what they say is to believe you have it, so maybe you can't really go on that spree, but you can be picking out what you want! Or you can be on the spree and just believing that the money will come and so you don't need to worry about buying that stuff! 3. RECEIVE...be happy, be giving off the good vibes, and you will receive what you asked for.

Sounds like some hokey poke nonsense huh? So what if it is...What do you have to lose by believing? What do you have to lose by choosing to be happy? What do you have to lose by having faith that life will be good and you will receive the things you want? Nothing...or everything depending on how you look at it :)

I'd say, read the book or watch the DVD and decide for yourself. The worst that happens, is that you are happy and have faith and are grateful...Not so bad.

"The Secret"

If you know me, which if you're reading this, you do...you know that I am a faithful Oprah viewer and I really think her shows and her life are a good example of what people should strive to be like...

Anyway, did anyone see the episode about "The Secret"? And they talked about it again yesterday. Ok, I was literally taking notes as I watched so I could remember the phrases that really spoke to me. Whether you believe in anything that they talked about or not, some things that were said just seemed like good words to try & live by. To re-cap-- basically what they said is that the energy you put out to the world is what you get back-- so if you're a negative person, you will continue that cycle of negativity, and vice versa with positive energy-- what got more complex is that they are saying how we are all "energy" so it's literally the energy that you put out there. Anyway, that's not important to get into to get the key things that I really liked...so here they are:

*Life is not meant to be a struggle.
Now, I can honestly say that my life isn't a struggle. I have the issues that anyone has with money or weight or whatever, but overall I have it good. But I liked hearing this because 1. I think people sometimes make things worse than they need to be or overdramatize a lot of things, and 2. the people who do have a real struggle, well it's kinda hopeful and could show them that it's all about choice.

*Trying is failing with honor.
The example they gave was if you ask someone to a dinner party and they say "Oh I'll try to make it." We all know that means they're not coming. There is only doing and not doing. Sometimes I like to say "Well all I can do is try" or something along those lines...and when I think about that, I think I'm really saying "I'm not doing all that I need to do, I know I'm not trying my hardest." Think about it :) There's no need to say you're "trying" something, if you already doing it, say I'm DOING IT!

*Mediocrity always attacks excellence.
We all know this...it's jealousy. Whether you are feeling that towards someone else who is doing well and you wish you were too, suddenly you find yourself wishing them harm or bad mouthing them (I know I do this...I'm changing) Or whether you are the one is doing great and find someone being negative to you...
P.S.-I made a conscious effort to write "I'm changing" instead of "I'm trying to change"...you either are or you aren't. And I think looking at it that way makes you believe it faster too :) Mind over matter.

*Unforgiveness is a form of self abuse.

*True forgiveness is "giving up the hope that the past could have been any different" and being able to say "Thank you for giving me that experience."

*Unwillingness to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
There was a lot that they said about forgiveness that I liked. I've heard a couple of those things before. Along the lines of "you don't forgive for the other peson, you forgive for yourself." Odds are in most cases, whoever you are mad at doesn't even know you are, or care, so being mad isn't punishing them at all! Only yourself.

*Gratitude.
This is the biggest thing I think. To be truly grateful for what you have. Focus on what you want in life, not what you don't want. For example-- saying "I want financial freedom" instead of saying "I don't want to be broke." They say, unless you are grateful for what is already in your life, you can't invite anything new/good into it. To get what you want, you need to appreciate what you already have.

They also talked about maybe heaven & hell are happening right now, it's not some "place" you go to. Whatever choices you make in your life, whatever you create for it, makes your own personal heaven or hell right now! They quoted some stuff from the bible too to kinda back that up but I can't remember it right now :) It was interesting.

So anyway, I am really anxious to learn more about "The Secret" and just try to keep it's priniciples in mind on a daily basis...thought I'd share it with you. And if you want more info you can go to www.thesecret.tv

What to Do...

I can't figure out what to do after this contract is up on June 15th. I have no idea! We could basically do whatever we want...and that makes it hard. Ivan isn't much help, being the super laid back person that he is, he's fine with just about every scenario I come up with! Doesn't really have an opinion one way or another. So here's what's running through my head:

1. Move to Orange County for the summer, get like a 10 week contract because I need to be home Labor Day Weekend for Erin Springer's wedding...anyway, move there and do the beach thing, and then see what happens in the fall (although we are leaning towards staying in California again...that always happens, even though a month ago I swore I needed the heck outta here!)

2. Come home for the summer until after Erin's wedding, and then come back to California-- either get a job or not, but just be at home for about 11 weeks.

3. Go somewhere else...like Miami for the summer, come home at the end for a couple of weeks for Erin's wedding/visiting, then come back to California.

4. Take a month off work and just rent a beach house here or in Florida and just be bums.

5. Take a volunteer vacation that I've been wanting to do for years now... I really want to do one in South Africa, but it's super expensive, so there are some in Mexico that could be a good time. Meanwhile, Ivan would be homeless or have to go back to St. Louis... :(

If we're doing a pros/cons thing... the best financial option is to move to the OC, this way I have an income, Ivan would most likely be able to drive to his same job.

The downside of Miami is that Ivan wouldn't have a job probably. We talked about him getting an internship or something so then it wouldn't just be a complete wash for him. If it was unpaid at least he'd get some experience.

The downside of home is that again, Ivan's income would be questionable, BUT we wouldn't have living expenses to worry about.

The fun factor though... duh, is taking time off work and just being bums here, Florida, or at home...at home we have all our friends & family, but the other places have the ocean and stuff that we haven't done before. I dunno!!!

I was daydreaming about my internship in the Keys a couple years ago and thought, there is no reason why I can't do that again-- just not with the internship. Just rent a condo and lay out & boat & all that stuff all summer. Especially if I make a decision now and save up money for the summer.

Then there's always that responsible voice saying...you need to just work or else you'll never be able to buy a house and settle down. Boo! I am only 25. So I need to do the fun stuff now. Thanks for pointing that out :) But WHERE? Do I skip the Mexico volunteering to keep saving up for South Africa? OR do I go ahead and do Mexico to get a taste and satisfy that urge until I have money for South Africa? Do I have fun in the OC where I will make better money than in Florida and Ivan still has a job?? OR do I head to Florida for a change and give Ivan the summer off... Or do I come home and be a bum and drink a lot for 3 months, but live cheap?

Please give me your opinions on this one...Because I don't know what the heck to do. I tell my recruiter like every other day about a different idea I had and in about a month or two I will actually have to make a decision...scary!

Yo Yo

So I need to get myself motivated again. Yes, I'm training for a marathon...but you know, I need to do more than that. I'm thinking back to last year when I had my trainer and I was going to boot camp 3 days a week...I loved it! It's pretty pathetic that at this point in my life I can't start something & stick to it (as far as exercise/eating habits go). I have done so much, tried so many things, taken so many classes, had multiple trainers, tried different "diets" and I know exactly what works, what doesn't, I know the science behind things, I could train people at this point. And yet, when I get to a point that I'm happy with, I stop. And you can't do that. Duh! I know this as well. And I actually enjoy the work outs, I enjoy the sweat, I enjoy the benefits...why quit? A psychologist might say that I sabotage myself, that maybe I think I don't deserve to look & feel good. That's not it!! I deserve it! I work my ass off!! And then I reward myself with taking a "break." Which doubles as punishment when I gain it back and start to feel gross again, and each time gets a little worse than the time before.
For the past let's see...since I think 2002 is the first time I ever really lost weight, at least it's the smallest I remember being...well that's when the cycle began. I lose about 30 pounds...feel great, gain it back, spend 6 months losing it, and 6 months gaining it. That has truthfully been the cycle since 2002! And it's February now, right about the time I start to think "I need to do something about this." Right on schedule... :)
I'd love for all of this cycle stuff to stop. Because it really doesn't make sense. I actually love being active. The eating...ok no, I don't like to eat right. But at least if I got the exercise part down I'd have a bit more freedom on the eating side of it... Anyway, like I was saying, if you were to ask me what things I enjoy or what I want to try or what goals I have in life-- they all have to do with some activity...so what's the problem? I like hiking, I want to try rock climbing, I like kayaking and want to do it more, I want to do a triathlon...I would love to join a soccer league... so why do I end up on the couch? Crazy...
It's one reason I'd like to stay in California. The weather allows you to be outside all year and the environment offers any type of activity you could think of. It's a great place to be if you want to be active.
Anyway...I will let you know how this all goes...I might turn to you for motivation..or at least to keep me honest. That's what my trainer was always good for. I had to write down what I ate, weighed in with her, and we always had scheduled times to work out you know? I had to be accountable to someone besides myself. Obviously the goal would be to not need someone else...but clearly I'm not there yet...

1/2 Marathon

Last weekend I had my half marathon (13.1 miles) in Huntington Beach. It was good. I felt great until about mile 10-- then I started getting some aches & pains, blisters, so I walked most of the last 3 miles. It was a beautiful day, about 80 degrees, sunny (my face got burnt) and running on the Pacific Coast Highway looking out at the ocean. You really can't get much better than that, especially in February! After the race, as a team we took the ice bath in the pacific. We all walked in, fully clothed, and took a beating from the waves (about 50-60 degrees) for 15 minutes. It was one of the funnest things ever! It just proved that it doesn't matter how cold the water is, you can still have fun at the beach. And that is my favorite thing to do anyway-- just stand there and jump into the waves. And the undertow that day was crazy! It was great. If you want to look at pics of where we ran and race day info you can go to this website: www.psmarathon.com

Then we went over to Breigh & Joe's for the superbowl...YAY COLTS!! Very happy camper right here. And the food was so good, so good, so good!

I got that second job I've been talking about getting for 2 years now. I start on Monday because we have school off on Monday. Very excited about it too. I'll be working in a nursing home. I'm just ready to learn something outside of the schools so I'm not trapped. It'll be great experience and also nice to meet some more new people. Not to mention, the extra money is always wonderful.

Oh, Nike is starting this thing here in L.A...they might have it in other big cities but I don't know, I've only heard that it's here. Anyway, they have the Nike Top 20 running locations in LA county. I heard about it from my TNT coach and planned to go on Thursday before work but it didn't work out. So then I found that they do it 20 different trails in the area all at different times, so I can find ones that are closer to me (his is in west L.A.---coming back to East L.A. would be very difficult in the morning!!) and in the evening, so I don't have to get up at 5:00 to run...not my cup of tea really :) So, hopefully I'll start doing that, and Ivan can too. Once again, another way to meet people! And I've been wanting to find more trails out here, and there are tons! So without even knowing it, apparently I have started to seek out running opportunities. I have to be honest though, it's not the act of running itself that I like-- some people get the runner's highs and all this stuff. That is NOT ME! I enjoy completing a course, I enjoy the challenge, I enjoy seeing new places, and I really enjoy the people. And apparently running has turned out to be the way to get all those things. In a team sport, there's too much pressure for me. I can't take letting anyone down if I didn't do my job, but with running/walking, there's no pressure from anywhere, there's no let down, it's only what you can do. I like that it's individual, but at the same time, you still feel like a team when you're with the other people. During my race on Sunday, I spent those first 10 miles walking/running with a TNT person from a different team, just talking and keeping each other motivated. We joined up with other people moving at our pace and by the end of the time you've met some great people you didn't know before you started! That's what I like about it. I keep saying that I'd like to continue doing 5k's & 10k's, but I will never again feel a need to do a marathon or 1/2 marathon...the other day I found myself on a website about to sign up for a 1/2 in San Diego...what the heck?

Hey there!

Hello! Today was a good day :) I don't know why. It was just one of those days where I was driving down the street and thought, you know, I do like California. Some days, I can't say that. I think it's partly because Ivan and I are planning a vacation (trying to plan one) and so that's exciting. And when we're trying to figure out where to go, there's so many choices nearby that it made me re-appreciate California...we could drive to Mexico, Catalina Island (ok we have to take a boat for this one), Las Vegas, Yosemite, San Francisco, Lake Havasu, Lake Tahoe, the Grand Canyon-- they are all within 2-7 hours away. AND, a flight to Hawaii is a few hundred dollars and about 6-10 hours less of flight time from home! Kinda amazing really. Not to mention, there really is a lot to do right outside our door, people could spend an entire vacation in L.A. and that's where we live...and clearly take for granted. Anyway, we are thinking about Rosarito, Mexico. It's just about 20 miles across the border, so we could drive--or rent a car, or take a bus from San Diego, whichever, it's still only about 2 hours away. And the resorts are dirt cheap. We can't even stay in a hotel across the street from our apartment for that cheap, and in Mexico you are beach front. The massages & spa services are cheaper. I told Ivan, I just want to stay somewhere drinking cheap fruity drinks, laying by the pool or on the beach. Preferably, not in this country, just so it feels like a real vacation. So 4 nights across the border sounds fabulous. My parents are coming to visit on spring break, so we're thinking that after we take them to the airport, we'll head south :) Hopefully it all works out, we'll see!

Sunday is another training race-- a half-marathon in Huntington Beach. That's 13.1 miles, 8 of which are on the Pacific Coast Highway looking at the ocean! Another reason I'm appreciating California right now. I'm so looking forward to that race. Plus, I guess it's tradition to run in the freezing Pacific afterwards for a little natural "ice bath." And yes, I'm pumped for that too. I will have Ivan take pictures.

After the race we're heading to Breigh & Joe's (friends from Rancho) for the superbowl...which again, I'm oddly excited for. I have a crush on Peyton Manning, so you know, I am rootin' for the COLTS! I love him :) Not to mention, Breigh & Joe love to make food for people, and they are awesome cooks! Yum!

What else...Lucy started day care this week. Thus far, we haven't had anymore complaints from the bitch upstairs, but I dunno if that means Lucy's not barking or just that the woman is giving us a chance to fix it. Whenever I come home I knock on the door and ring the bell and Lucy doesn't bark, she runs to the door and kinda wimpers, but doesn't bark when she has the collar on. So anyway, I decided to take her to day care a couple days a week too to give her some play time, excerise, and a break from the citrinilla! She is so pooped when she gets home. It's great. Just to see that she has gotten to play so much.

Well...I guess that's about it. LET'S GO PEYTON!!

Neighbors Suck!

So my upstairs neighbor sucks a fat one. She has complained that Lucy has been barking during the day...during the day when nobody is sleeping... so if a dog is going to bark any time, shouldn't that time be when it's ok? Not to mention, during the day when I am at work and can do nothing about it. Oh, and keep in mind that Ivan is home on Mondays & Tuesdays usually, so that only leaves 3 days a week that the dog could be barking during waking hours. And not to mention she's never alone for more than 7ish hours, and is not barking when I get home SO that means she stopped at some point during the day, correct? AND this horrible soul who lives above us, actually has a dog! Aren't other dog-people supposed to know/understand that there's this thing that dogs do sometimes, called barking!

So here's my list of questions/comments/concerns:

**Is there any protection for the pet owners who live here? I was home until 11:00 yesterday and a complaint was made at 11:30; if the dog started barking the second I walked out of the door, which she didn't, that would have her barking for 30 minutes. Is that classified as unreasonable? I don't think that should be counted as one of the "3 strikes." Dogs will bark. I don't think it's fair to say that a 30 minute barking occurrence is enough to count as a 3rd strike. At least wait it out, see if she was actually going to bark all day, ya know?

**We do in fact live in a place that allows dogs. Residents moving in should be aware of that and not complain every time they hear a dog bark, because it will happen from time to time. At this point, I am trying to correct the problem and now I can't even do that because my three strikes are up, 2 in the matter of one week. That didn't give any time to even correct a problem. There should be a reasonable amount of time for a pet owner to attempt to train their pet. Two complaints in a week's time is not sufficient to correct the problem.

**I think there should be more chances. Correcting a dog barking is a trial & error process. So now I know what I was doing wasn't working, I need a chance to try other things. The only way I do know if it is working or not is getting a notice stuck to my door saying one more chance is gone. I would like to be able to work together with the management and/or neighbors to assist in this problem and solution. Let me know in a less threatening manner that my solution didn't work. Ok, I will then try something else. I think the tone and implication of the letter is unnecessary and not a pro-active way of dealing with the issue.

**Did we get new neighbors? Why was there no complaints for 3 months and in the last month my 3 strikes are up? Again, it is unreasonable for a behavior to be changed that quickly. One week between complaints does nothing.

**Do you ask your residents with children to leave or get rid of their children when they cry? I assume not. This is the same thing.

**Also, we pay for this pet to live here (a $500 deposit and $50 each month!). Going back to the first bullet point- doesn't that buy us some right or protection against neighbors who can't deal with pets in their building?

Yesterday I was pretty much distraught because if she complains one more time, Lucy's out. I will have to send her home to my parents until this lease is up (June 15th!!). Clearly that would be really hard to do. I love Lucy and need her around and would miss her too much. I might just throw myself into the mall off the balcony if they make me do that...maybe not, but you know, she is my baby :) People couldn't just get rid of their children, and I can't understand how people just get rid of dogs!

So, I am doing my best because I want Lucy here, and as much as I'd like to march upstairs and kick this lady's face in, I can't. I have to live here. And you know what else-- she's the only person complaining! Out of hundreds of people in this building, and 4 other apartments directly beside us, she is holding all of the power because she is a miserable little bitch...with horrible acne by the way. Yes now I'm getting petty, but she's out to get my baby, you would too! I told Ivan I was going to leave some Pro-Active on her doorstep.... :)

So anyway, like I said, I'm trying. I have been on constant contact with the management to let them know my side of the story. I used to gate Lucy in the bathroom during the day-- now she runs free in hopes she won't start barking. The radio is left on for her to have company. She is wearing a ($120!) collar that sprays citrinilla in her nose if she barks, tomorrow she is getting more shots & on a flea program so she can go to an overpriced day care 3 days a week, all because 1 pimple faced whore is a little annoyed that a 7 pound dog, 1 floor beneath her barks 3 days a week. A little ridiculous don't you think? I thought so.

And now we live in fear of any noise ever being made in our own apartment. It's like we're in prison...no really, we have concrete floors and walls...it really is like prison right now!

"Don't you think you deserved that?"

Crazy story...

Today I was crossing the street, yes I was jaywalking. There was only 1 car coming on this 4 lane one way street. It was in the far opposite lane from me. I start to cross the street because by the time I would get to the 3rd lane, the car would have passed...right? I do this several times a day, so ya know, I know this. Well this bastard decides to slow waaay down so then I'm standing in like lane 2 thinking "are you stopping for me to cross or what the hell?" And on top of slowing down, he switches to lane 3. He has forced me to cross in front of him at this point, which means he has to stop. Please keep in mind that this is all his fault, because if he had just stuck to the plan of staying in the 4th lane and driving at a normal speed, none of this would have happened. Anyway, I'm crossing, as I cross, he starts driving towards me at like 1 mile an hour!! I look at the car and yell "What the f$@# are you doing!!???" He rolls down his window and says "Don't you think you deserved that?" What? I said "No because if you had stayed in your f*ing lane this wouldn't have happened." He goes "But Madame" and then I flipped him off and walked away.

So, is that one of the most F*ed up stories you've ever heard? Is this man so againist jaywalking that he had to make an example of me? Did he think I expected him to stop for me? Did he think he was funny? I'm not sure. What I know is that he was a dumbf*ck.

So bizarre.

Shopping Cart

So we were really excited tonight about the new shopping carts at Ralph's. You may have seen them before but we hadn't...all four wheels turn independantly. So you can push it sideways and do sharp turns. Very exciting. Actually the shopping carts are from Gelson's (the overpriced grocery store downstairs). See we go get groceries at Ralph's, come home and park, come into our building to get a grocery cart, go back to the car, load up & come back in. This is actually much easier than trying to just carry everything in-- across the street, up the elevator & down the hall to our place. Anyway, we took pictures & video! The video is actually good to see our apartment. I think I will make another just to show you what it looks like.

My Horoscope today:

Review & reflect. Yes, you're still the best. A superior attitude shouldn't keep you from being considerate. Everyone is their own hero.

I love it! ha

Nancy Grace

Do you ever watch Nancy Grace? She's this lawyer who has a show and discusses court cases and just different stuff. She acts like she's just trying to find out the facts from experts regarding the topic, but all she does is speak her own opinion and yell at the experts who are just providing facts and have nothing to do with the case. Anyway, last night I was like yelling at the TV, I couldn't take it. She was discussing how this family of a special needs child (the girl has the capacity of a 3 month old and will never have more than that) are stunting her growth so that she is more manageable to care for as she ages. Ok, form your own opinions. I think it's fine. The people who have to deal with caring for adults who can do nothing, absolutely nothing for themselves, let alone even tell you what's wrong--it's not like these people are just elderly, they can't even communicate with you!-- well, it can't be easy and nobody should be able to judge their decision to do this. That's how I feel. So if that didn't just get me mad enough because she's trying to say that these parents should be charged with something, etc. You know what she was most concerned about?? That her uterus and breast tissue were removed. Grace went on & on about that, "why'd they have to remove that?" Why should she need to keep it? It won't make her life any better-- she's not going to pro-create, what's the purpose in putting her through PMS and menopause and all of that for no reason? Let alone, the parents who have to deal with that as well. AND, I'm sure she's not the first special needs female to have a hysterectomy, I'm sure it's more common than you think. Because yes, it saves her discomfort and it saves caregivers from having to take care of it. I was so mad. This woman pisses me off big time. Don't act like you are just trying to get the facts when you already have your mind made up, and how can you speak for something you've never had to do? She did say that in her life she has been a caregiver for a grown man...I bet he didn't have the capacity of a 3 month old, I bet whatever made him this way didn't happen as a child, and I bet your just pissed off that you didn't have the option!

Anyway, one article about it is below in case you wanted to read it.
I do agree with the article in that there aren't good enough options for caring for these people, but I don't think you should hold it againist some people who found a different option.

CHICAGO -- In a case fraught with ethical questions, the parents of a severely mentally and physically disabled child have stunted her growth to keep their little "pillow angel" a manageable and more portable size.

The bedridden 9-year-old girl had her uterus and breast tissue removed at a Seattle hospital and received large doses of hormones to halt her growth. She is now 4-foot-5; her parents say she would otherwise probably reach a normal 5-foot-6.

Some ethicists question the parents' claim that the drastic treatment will benefit their daughter and allow them to continue caring for her at home.


The case has captured attention nationwide and abroad. "Offensive if not perverse," wrote one person on an online bulletin board. "This smacks of eugenics," another wrote.

Right or wrong, the couple's decision highlights a dilemma thousands of parents face in struggling to care for severely disabled children as they grow up.

"This particular treatment, even if it's OK in this situation, and I think it probably is, is not a widespread solution and ignores the large social issues about caring for people with disabilities," Dr. Joel Frader, a medical ethicist at Chicago's Children's Memorial Hospital, said Thursday. "As a society, we do a pretty rotten job of helping caregivers provide what's necessary for these patients."

The case involves a girl identified only as Ashley on a blog her parents created after her doctors wrote about her treatment in October's Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine. The journal did not disclose the parents' names or where they live; the coupld do not identify themselves on their blog, either.

Shortly after birth, Ashley had feeding problems and showed severe developmental delays. Her doctors diagnosed static encephalopathy, which means severe brain damage. They do not know what caused it.

Her condition has left her in an infant state, unable to sit up, roll over, hold a toy or walk or talk. Her parents say she will never get better. She is alert, startles easily, and smiles, but does not maintain eye contact, according to her parents, who call the brown-haired little girl their "pillow angel."

She goes to school for disabled children, but her parents care for her at home and say they have been unable to find suitable outside help.

An editorial in the medical journal called "the Ashley treatment" ill-advised and questioned whether it will even work. But her parents says it has succeeded so far.

She had surgery in July 2004 and recently completed the hormone treatment. She weighs about 65 pounds, and is about 13 inches shorter and 50 pounds lighter than she would be as an adult, according to her parents' blog.

"Ashley's smaller and lighter size makes it more possible to include her in the typical family life and activities that provide her with needed comfort, closeness, security and love: meal time, car trips, touch, snuggles, etc.," her parents wrote.

University of Pennsylvania ethicist Art Caplan said the case is troubling and questioned how preventing normal growth could benefit the patient. Treatment that is not for a patient's direct benefit "only seems wrong to me," Caplan said.

He called it another example of the "slippery slope issue, with other parents thinking the way to deal with my kid with permanent behavioral problems is to put them into permanent childhood. It's not the right strategy."

But Ashley's parents say keeping her small will help reduce risks for bedsores and other conditions that can afflict bedridden patients. Also, they say preventing her from going through puberty means she won't experience the discomfort of having periods or growing breasts that might develop breast cancer, which runs in the family.

"Even though caring for Ashley involves hard and continual work, she is a blessing and not a burden," her parents' blog says. Still, they wrote, "Unless you are living the experience ... you have no clue what it is like to be the bedridden child or their caregivers."

Sleepy time...

This is why I'm always on the computer, these two are asleep on the couch all the time! Cute though huh?

Lao Tzu

I saw this quote from Lao Tzu (you know he was like a chinese philosopher thousands of years ago--wrote the Tao Te Ching). Anyway, thought I'd share it-

"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time' is to say 'I don't want to.'"

Think about that the next time you say you don't have time for something...all you are really saying is I don't want to!

Back to Sunny California

HEY! I'm back in Cali. The trip was good...it seemed very short, I was busy almost non-stop the whole time I was home. Whenever I'm home I always think, why don't I just move back home? Someday I will, but it's exciting to only be home for short periods of time and then get moving again. Yesterday we got to the airport in St. Louis about 2:30 and found out our connecting flight had been cancelled, so they booked us on a later flight, but it was nonstop! YAY! I love non-stop flights. Anyway, we had to sit in the airport until 7:45 (from 2:30!) but it didn't seem as long as it was I guess. All of Ivan's friends/family was busy and/or working so they couldn't come pick us back up. Oh well. Lucy did good, she always does good no matter how long she's in that bag. I did get her out at the aiport and took her outside and just ran her in circles for awhile. This morning I was unpacking everything and she saw her bag and hopped into it...strange since she was in it for about 10-12 hours yesterday! But it makes me feel better for shoving her in there, she's not having adverse reactions to the bag.

So everything is unpacked, just need to do some laundry and take Lucy to the park. I plan to let her run A LOT.

Thanks to everyone for a wonderful trip home!! It's always great to see you. There are some pictures below. If you want any of them, email me which ones and I will send it to you separately. There's not very many though...must have been too busy to even stop for a picture :)

share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9IZMWbVw5Y24

2,628,000 Minutes!

Today is me & Ivan's 5 year anniversary...60 months...260 weeks...1,825 days...43,800 hours...2,628,000 minutes! It's been good :) He got my 2 dozen beautiful roses and a gift certificate to Run With Us-- a running store, which as you know, at this moment is very important! Here's a picture of the flowers...

10k!

Today was our 10K (6.2 miles) in Irvine. It went really well, last time during the 5k I was having shin problems, yuck, but today I only had some minor foot problems. And I finished 11 minutes ahead of my pace, so I'm very happy. Anyway, the picture above is me coming across the finish line and that's all my team cheering at the end. Very fun thing to come back to!

There's a few more pics here: http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9IZMWbVw5Y0w

I just moved here...

The suspense is over. I have new thoughts for nobody to read, after 2 weeks. I've been lazy. Quick recap: nothing new has happened, I visited where I worked last year and missed it like CRAZY--the people, the kids, the nice materials you get to work with!, tomorrow I have a 10k in Irvine, then we're going to Rancho to visit old friends from last year, EXCITED! Lucy got fixed and has receovered very well, I come home in 6 days! We were extras in a movie and it was horrible-- I could never be an actress. That covers that...

So I was thinking about something and it's kinda funny. I have been out in California for a year & a half and yet when anyone asks me about where I live, etc. I will always say "I just moved here." At what point do you answer with "Pasadena." It's kinda awkward because after I say "I just moved here" I then have to explain that I actually have lived here for going on 2 years. I try to cover it up by saying "Last year I lived in Rancho, but I just moved to Pasadena this fall." What's weirder is that I know even if I live here for 10 years, I will probably ALWAYS say that I just moved here or that I'm not from here, to the random people you talk to who don't care, they're just asking where do you live now, to the people who I actually know out here. Just odd.

Oh, and I just clicked the mood as "scared." This is because I just woke up from some of the worst dreams I've ever had. Ivan left for work at around 5:30, so it's still really dark (and scary) and I had 2 crazy crazy crazy dreams-- one was that this guy had been lurking around and living like in the walls of our building-- he never did anything to anyone, but he was watching people all the time and you didn't know when. So they catch him but then in my dream even I couldn't get back to sleep because I thought that I kept seeing him everywhere. And on top of that, in my dream, some girl was staying with us (I think it was Becky from Survivor! creepy...) and I came downstairs (we don't have a downstairs) because I was scared, and she & Ivan were cuddling on the couch. I beat the crap out of both of them. That always feels good. So then I wake up & fall back to sleep, and I pick up where I left off. The apartment building decides to take all the residents to a hotel for safety reasons, well somehow my suitcase gets left on the street so I walk to go get it, and I have to climb up this really grassy wall-- when I do there is a man & a woman standing by a parked car near the suitcase and I instantly am scared. Well some more people start to walk up behind me that I recognize and I ask them if they will help me with my suitcase, then the people by the car walk towards me and say some scary shit that I can't remember and then they show me these pictures of all these people they've killed and what they did to them.

I then woke up scared, even though it's daylight now, not to mention, why the heck would I have some messed up dreams like that! Any dream interpretors out there, take a guess for me.

Ok...so I'm also starving at this point and haven't gotten groceries in weeks. So I have nothing to eat. And it looks cold outside. Oh, that's another thing, when it looks cold outside here, I still think it's going to be as cold as it is at home when it looks cold outside...obviously it's not....

PEACE!

Sitings...

Tonight me & Ivan had ordered take out and as were waiting for our food, Ivan turns to me and says quietly, "The woman next to me is an actor." I couldn't see her. Then she turned around to stand behind us to wait and it was Regina King. She was in Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock, she was Cuba Good Jr.'s wife in Jerry McGuire, she was in Ray, just to name a few. Fun Fun.

Oh, and I just got an email saying that if we go to a taping in the next two weeks of a show, then we will get priority invites to be seat fillers at the People's Choice Awards! So on the 12th we're going to a taping of "New Adventures of Old Christine" with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Wanda Sykes. AND, the People's Choice Awards are taped at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium, which happens to be directly across the street from our apartment building. Sometimes I love it here.

Melani's Profile

I'm posting below my teammate who just passed away's profile. This is how she introduced herself to the team and I just thought I'd share it, so you could know more about her and her specific diagnosis.

"Diagnosis: Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma: Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia

Date of Diagnosis: November 2003

When people hear the word cancer, they often dread an unhappy ending to such a diagnosis. I always have. Cancer has been part of my life for a long time. First my father-in-law, then my father and then my two uncles all died of the dreaded disease. Eighteen months after my dad died, I was diagnosed with a rare form of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma called Waldenstrom's Macrogloblinemia (WM). Fortunately, it's a slow growing cancer. Waldenstrom's only accounts for 1.4% of blood cancers or 0.1% of all cancers in general. That means that approximately1500 people in the United States are diagnosed with this disease each year. Most people who are diagnosed with WM are 65 years old with a life expectancy of about 5 years but approximately 20% of people survive for more than 10 years. Autoimmune hemolytic anemia is a condition of WM that I am currently fighting. One treatment we recently tried was a splenectomy to prevent destruction of my red blood cells, presumably caused by my spleen. After my surgery in January 06, I enjoyed 2 months of normal hemoglobin until itplummeted again and I required my 11th blood transfusion. I was so anemia I couldn't get out of bed for nearly two days. Prednisone has been a lifesaving drug that currently stabilizes my blood counts and allowsme to function normally. Why my body destroys its own red blood cells we still don't know.

The good news is that The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society has been a very helpful resource for me. Knowledge is power and I use the website almost daily. Patient Services was the first place I learned about my disease. Currently, I receive a very informative e-newsletter, have been put in touch with a First Connection friend, and listen to Telephone Education Conference on a regular basis. When I have a specific question, I can chat on-line with a live operator and get immediate feedback.

In January of last year, my husband and I signed up with Team in Training sponsored by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to train for a marathon and raise funds to find a cure for all blood-related cancers. Pictured above with me are my fellow survivors, Virginia & Roger, whose friendships I cherish thanks to TNT. The love & support I received through TNT was an awesome experience I will treasure forever!

Although I was anemic, last year, I walked 18 miles in the San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon! I walked for my three daughters, who need to see that people can "livestrong" with a cancer diagnosis. My hope is that one day they will all participate in a TNT event and be difference-makers like you!!"

Kind Words

I'm putting an email below that a friend of mine wrote in response to my email about my honored teammate passing; she's one of the therapists I worked with in Florida a couple of years ago. I just thought it was really well worded and positive, so I thought I'd share it. Thanks Stef!

"I am very sad about the news you send and very happy that you did, because sharing is the most important thing in the world, no matter what, happiness, sadness etc., that makes us human and vulnerable...I can't give you any money but I send you lot's of love and good energy and please never forget, that all you are doing is already the cure itself, not the money you raise or the treatment at the end or whatsoever...it is the moment that counts and that all those sick people know that you are out there for them, THAT is important, much more important or at least as important than the outcome. You make them feel loved and being cared for and NO medicine in the world can do that. Even if they would have lived a little longer with treatment (I am a nurse and I must say, I have doubted that very often!!), it is the quality of living which is important and not the length and you make a differnce in terms of their quality. However, I don't think because of the medication or treatment but the love and commitment you are putting out there. So please never forget that!!!"

Sad News

Hello everyone. I am doing Team In Training not only to complete a marathon and be very proud of myself for doing something I never even imagined doing, not only to keep myself working out, but also because this program is the largest fundraiser for the Leukmemia & Lymphoma Society, and the LLS is the biggest research organization for blood cancer research. I don't really care what kind of cancer it is, the point is it's helping to beat cancer. Once you have met the people leading this organization, heard their stories, and met everyone you're going to train with, you are just completely and totally comitted to the cause. You are suddenly this passionate person you didn't know you were. You are a cancer warrior as our coaches like to call us. And to be honest it's this huge up and down roller coaster battle, you're up one second because you got a donation or you heard someone with cancer just went into remission, then you're down because the fundraising is slowing down or someone just got sicker, and that makes you want to work hard or give up; you don't know which to do. I guess we need to choose to work harder because we have a long way to go. Today one of my honored teammates passed away; she had a rare form of leukemia and it was too much, the cancer itself and the treatment as well. She is leaving behind a husband and two young daughters. Two weeks ago one of my great coaches couldn't make it to our first race in Calabasas because his father, who had lymphoma, was just put in the hospital. On our Wednesday night practice night, Coach Kiley couldn't make it, but things were looking up, his dad came home. The following day out of nowhere, things took a turn for the worse and his dad died. He had decided to go through a really tough kind of chemo, and it was too much. The treatments available aren't good enough.

Ok, so I didn't know either of these people very well, I only met Melanie once and I never got to meet Fred, and that's the point. These are two people I didn't get to know because cancer just took them before I got the chance, before our team got the chance. We would always get messages from them to keep up the good work and that they were proud, that what we're doing makes a difference, so we just have to believe that it does, that we may not have gotten to help them like we wanted, but we have to keep trying for the millions of other people who still need it.

I just wanted to share that. I guess it's my "mission moment" for this week. Feels kind of weird to say this at the end of all that, but it's true more than ever I guess, we still need those donations. So keep 'em coming guys.

Thanks.
http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/chelsbels

The Comebacks

Saturday night me, Ivan, two girls from my team and a ton of their friends (since we don't have our own), are going to be extras in this new movie called "The Comebacks." It's a football comedy. Today I just got names of some of the people who are in it, you might not recognize the names but you will their faces...David Koechner (Anchorman), Chris Parnell (Saturday Night Live), Carl Weathers (Predator, Happy Gilmore), DJ Qualls (Road Trip, Hustle & Flow), and Matthew Lawrence (Hot Chick).



Also, let's celebrate, this is my 100th post! Woo hoo!

8 Miles!

Just a little update on the marathon training. Today we ran 8 miles!!!! Up until I decided to do this marathon, I hadn't traveled more than a mile or 2 at one time...and that was very slow jogging or walking. I have now completed 8 miles at once, and it was way better than 6! Last week I did 6 and I was about to kill myself and everyone around me. But today, with 8, nope, felt grrreat! Yes, I can bearly walk right now, about 8 hours later-- my shoulders hurt, my legs hurt, my feet are killing me, I'm kinda shuffling around instead of walking-- but tell you what, this morning it felt good. We (my pace group) completed this 8 miles in 2 hours and 7 minutes. Yes when I started this program I could do a 12 minute mile, and now I'm running a 16 minute mile, but there's method to the madness I guess. They slow you down so you can actually finish 26.2 miles you know? So anyway, we're all right on track.

Next week is a step back week where we recover before going further-- so next weekend we only do 4 miles! YAY!

The following week we up the mileage to 10 miles.

The week after we step back again and compete in a 10k, which is 6 miles.

And then it's on to 12 miles! Yikes!

Although, each week you kinda feel like, bring it on, I did't think I could do this, so I know I can do more. It's a crazy feeling. And it makes all the difference in the world to be doing it with a team-- last week a lot of people in my pace group were gone traveling for the holiday and everything, and we only had 3 people. And even that sucked. Today we had about 8 people and it was so much better. Nobody wants to let anyone else down so you keep pushing, and you have everyone else cheering you on . When I train by myself, I can hardly get through a mile because I lack will power and I get so damn bored!

Anyway, just a little update for you. Oh, and fundraising is good, but I still need to raise $1690! So keep 'em coming! I know someone out there wants to be a Titanium or Platinum donor :)

http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/chelsbels

Give Thanks!

So I'm sitting here thinking about what I'm thankful for, since that's what this holiday is all about. It's been easier to think of what I'm unthankful for: being alone on Thanksgiving (yes I guess that was my choice), bills, traffic, extra weight :), and my job...

But a new friend of mine out here just lost someone close to them and has reminded me to think about what I DO have to be thankful for, so here we go:

-I'm alive :)

- I have a place to live (a nice one too)

- I have a job--whether I like it all the time or not

-Yes yes, friends & family I have a plenty, and Lucy!

-I have my health, extra pounds or not, I am actually a healthy person and apparently I have food to eat :)

-I live in a place with great weather!

-I have today & tomorrow off of work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-I will be coming home for Christmas in less than 30 days!

-I have new friends & am inolved in a great cause (Team In Training, still need those donations!)

-All those great friends & family that I have, are healthy too and have all the same things that I'm thankful for (except Lucy! ha)

Happy Thanksgiving!

5k!

Saturday morning, as a team, we participated in the Calabasas Classic, a 5k in Calabasas, that also helps fundraise for families suffering from cancer. For those who don't know, a 5k is about 3 miles, 3.1 I think. It wasn't too bad, except that about a mile in my shins were killing me!! So I had to slow down so I didn't end up just walking the whole thing. Damn shin splints. So from now on I will have to be icing my shins and keeping them elevated after running. Anyway, it was fun though. We got a nice goodie bag and a little medal as soon as you crossed the finish line. Then we had a team breakfast. After that Ivan and I took a drive along the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) to Malibu. We sat on the beach for awhile. It was probably 70ish out, so it was comfortable out. I'm putting a link to pictures at the bottom from the race & the beach.

Friday night we went to a taping of Mad TV. That was fun too. After each scene usually one or 2 of the actors would come up in the audience and talk to everyone and everything.

Thursday night we went to another screening. Sorry, at this one I had to sign something saying I wouldn't talk about it :)...it wasn't that good I don't think. I'll let you know when it comes out what movie it was! But anyway, we were chosen to stay after to be in a "focus group" where basically you just have to answer questions about what you did or didn't like about it & why, what would you change. And for staying we got a free movie pass.

Not much else going on. Ivan will be changing to a day shift in a couple of weeks, so that will be nice. He'll be home at night. He will work Saturday days though, but that's ok because I am busy on Saturdays with the training so it will work out well.

Ok, that's all for now. Here's the link to some pics:

share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9IZMWbVw5Ywg

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

I just got back from a screening of "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" and it was really good! I don't know when it comes out, but it was good so keep your eyes open for it. It was almost 3 hours long, but worth it I think. Obviously we know how it ends...but it was sad, which is weird because you know it's not like Jesse James was a great guy or anything, but it you were still rooting for him (which was played by Brad Pitt by the way, and Casey Affleck played Robert Ford).

GOOD!

Some Inspirational words

So I've been an inspirational kinda mood, ya know because of this whole marathon training and being around motivated people. So here's some quotes I like, my favorites are italicized :)

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." -T. S. Eliot

Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

You don't get to choose how you're going to die; or when. You can only decide how you're going to live; NOW. - Joan Baez -

"A year from now you may wish you had started today."

"Use what talents you possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." - Henry van Dyke -

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another." - Charles Dickens

"One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do. " - Henry Ford -

"Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting." - Napolean Hill -

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." - Dale Carnegie -

"If you are not using your smile, you're a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook." - Les Giblin -

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead -

"I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself." - Aldous Huxley -

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of that candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." - Buddha -

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it." - William Arthur Ward -

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa -

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt -

Dalai Lama's 19 instructions for life

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs: respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

- Dalai Lama -

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt -

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus -

"We sometimes feel that what we do is just a drop in the ocean, but the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." - Mother Teresa -

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. -

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough" - Joe Lewis -

"Tell me and I`ll forget, show me and I may remember, involve me and I`ll understand." - Chinese Proverb -

Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die! - Anon -

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." - Mark Twain -