So I need to get myself motivated again. Yes, I'm training for a marathon...but you know, I need to do more than that. I'm thinking back to last year when I had my trainer and I was going to boot camp 3 days a week...I loved it! It's pretty pathetic that at this point in my life I can't start something & stick to it (as far as exercise/eating habits go). I have done so much, tried so many things, taken so many classes, had multiple trainers, tried different "diets" and I know exactly what works, what doesn't, I know the science behind things, I could train people at this point. And yet, when I get to a point that I'm happy with, I stop. And you can't do that. Duh! I know this as well. And I actually enjoy the work outs, I enjoy the sweat, I enjoy the benefits...why quit? A psychologist might say that I sabotage myself, that maybe I think I don't deserve to look & feel good. That's not it!! I deserve it! I work my ass off!! And then I reward myself with taking a "break." Which doubles as punishment when I gain it back and start to feel gross again, and each time gets a little worse than the time before.
For the past let's see...since I think 2002 is the first time I ever really lost weight, at least it's the smallest I remember being...well that's when the cycle began. I lose about 30 pounds...feel great, gain it back, spend 6 months losing it, and 6 months gaining it. That has truthfully been the cycle since 2002! And it's February now, right about the time I start to think "I need to do something about this." Right on schedule... :)
I'd love for all of this cycle stuff to stop. Because it really doesn't make sense. I actually love being active. The eating...ok no, I don't like to eat right. But at least if I got the exercise part down I'd have a bit more freedom on the eating side of it... Anyway, like I was saying, if you were to ask me what things I enjoy or what I want to try or what goals I have in life-- they all have to do with some activity...so what's the problem? I like hiking, I want to try rock climbing, I like kayaking and want to do it more, I want to do a triathlon...I would love to join a soccer league... so why do I end up on the couch? Crazy...
It's one reason I'd like to stay in California. The weather allows you to be outside all year and the environment offers any type of activity you could think of. It's a great place to be if you want to be active.
Anyway...I will let you know how this all goes...I might turn to you for motivation..or at least to keep me honest. That's what my trainer was always good for. I had to write down what I ate, weighed in with her, and we always had scheduled times to work out you know? I had to be accountable to someone besides myself. Obviously the goal would be to not need someone else...but clearly I'm not there yet...
