Lucy Lou-Hoo

Just thought I'd post a couple of pics of Lucy. The first one is of Ivan & Lucy having a very serious conversation... and then the next one is from today, Lucy just got her bath & haircut.

And yeah, her full name is actually Lucy Lou the Maltipoo...but I like to call her Lucy Lou-Hoo.

Post-Marathon Blues :(

They said "you might be a little depressed during and after the marathon." I thought they were crazy...but just like usual, they were right. No I'm not sitting here with tears streaming into the keyboard, but you get this "now what?" feeling. Since late September we (my team) have spent our Saturdays together hanging out, getting to know each other, and every weekend pushing ourselves just a little bit farther than we thought possible. Throughout the week we'd have Wednesday night practices and emails galore from coaches & mentors. All you (I) think about is oh man, I can't wait until I can sleep in on Saturday, stop taking ice baths, and give my feet a break! Can't wait until I can stop asking people for money :) Ok...so now's that time? Why aren't we all shouting from the rooftops? 'Cause now we don't know what the hell to do with ourselves, at least I don't, and I know several other teammates shooting around the emails saying the same stuff.

I was telling my aunt and a friend of mine-- it is really nice to hear how people are proud, or can't believe you did it & all of those wonderful things because to be honest, you're not really thinking it. Only until I was in the marathon did I realize how much it wasn't even about the marathon. You feel like the real accomplishment was signing up, begging people for money (actually getting all the money!), raising awareness, making new friends, and just getting to the start line--nothing at all about the finish line! The job was already done! Not to mention, you already knew that quitting wasn't even an option...so why should finishing be a surprise or feel good? And for me...it wasn't that great. So let me take you through it-- you cross the finish line, you're immediately corralled to the side where they cut your timing chip off your shoe, keep walking to get a congrats and a medal thrown around your neck, and then what? If you're me, you stumble around downtown L.A. frustrated that you can't remember how many blocks away your hotel is, and talking to people on the phone but not really remembering what you had said! The finish line isn't this glorious moment of running through the tape with Chariots of Fire playing!! That's pretty much only for the first guy! hahaha Aside from the immediate 'then what', you have to think about --what am I going to do without these people? without Saturday mornings? without the encouraging emails? without the "I'm curing cancer"? without your coaches, teammates, mentors & survivors constantly telling you that you're a hero and such a wonderful person? (yeah, it's easy to get used to hearing that one all the time! haha)

They also tell you, once you do this you will start to get this "Wow, I can do anything attitude." And yeah you kinda do. Name it-- I'll probably say yeah, you could do that. All you really need is the want, and crazily enough, you'll do it. (I don't even like to run! Still don't guys. But I like to cross a finish line...uneventful as it is!)

So...you're asking, what is it that she wants to do now? Would she do this again? Yep. Team In Training trains people for endurance events...not just 1/2 and full marathons. We're talking Triathlons and Century Rides--riding a bike for 100 miles! For people who complete all three of these, you are a Triple Crown winner!

I'm shooting for the Triple Crown!! Stay tuned 'cause I'll need your help once again. The problem is that I have such loyalty to the marathon team, parts of me doesn't want to do TNT without them, but I'm sure I'll be back to it, maybe even before I move to the triathlon. In the meantime, while I recover, I might go out and cheer on the summer team and hand them their PB&J and gatorade.

L.A. Marathon finsher right here!

So, about the marathon. Let's start at the beginning. Saturday I checked into the hotel that TNT provides, we were on the 22nd floor, that alone was exciting, right in the middle of L.A. Plenty of pictures of that. That night we had a pasta party and one of my favorite people, Sara, came & I didn't know she was going to be there so that was like a major highlight & boost!

Sunday, we wake up at 4:00 a.m., get ready, go downstairs, take a bus to Universal Studio's and let the chaos begin. We go to the starting line...I can't even explain what this looks like. Just imagine blocks and blocks of streets filled with people. I hope someone has pictures of it. Music is playing, although I could barely hear it. I did hear for the first time "I Love L.A" which I put as my profile song so you can hear it and because I have a little L.A. pride right now because of the marathon.

We finally start moving, there were soldiers giving us all high-fives, which anything soldier-related makes me tear up for some reason. Anyway, it was steady uphillish for 1.5 miles, then downhill or flat for about 20 miles! (YAY) My teammate Rebekah and I were together for about 11 miles until she wanted to go faster, so I let her go because I thought I needed to save what I could for the second half you know? Well I don't know what would have been better--running fast in the beginning so you get done faster or going slow & kinda steady. Because by mile 15 it started getting rough. Oh-- around mile 11 the fat guy from Borat--his sidekick, was handing out the water, that's a highlight I guess! I would say 15, 16, 17 were really hard and I was alone. Well obviously there were thousands of people around me, but no teammates. Then out of nowhere, at 17ish, my teammate Billy came up behind me and we stuck together until mile 25. Lifesaver right there! Once you are out there for awhile you just go through all the emotions, you want to quit, you want to cry, it's crazy. At mile 18 & 19 there were more teammates who weren't running that day, just there to cheer us on. They stuck with us to the end!! You get to a point where you don't even want to talk to them, but you're so happy they are there. Around mile 20 I wasn't sure how my feet were still moving but they were, very slowly though! At mile 25 my wonderful teammate and another favorite person, Mari, showed up to cheer me on. I cried. It's so emotional and you're almost to the end and I was so happy to see her. Not to mention, I walked a lot faster once I got to her! So Mari got me from 25 to 26, then my coach came in at about 25.5 and kept me company until that .2 and then I finished!!! 8 1/2 hours later!!!! I finished 19,622 out of over 25,000 people. Which is kinda weird to think that I took 8.5 hours to finish and there were still like 6,000 people behind me!

Oh-- so the course started at Universal Studio's, went by the Hollywood Bowl, down Hollywood Blvd, through Hancock Park (rich folk sitting on their comfy lawn furniture watching you go by..jealous!), by the Colliseum, then some...not so nice neighborhoods...south centralish & East L.A., back across the bridge (where I literally felt like I was walking to my death...it was a low moment!), back to the tall buildings and that's where we stopped! There were bands along the way, tons of people cheering you on from their porches, handing out cookies, water & gatorade. Lots of ambulances flying by, firemen letting the hydrants spray into the streets, I think I may have seen someone have a heart attack...yeah so all exciting stuff!

Long ass day my friends! I have blisters, I have chafing in places I didn't know could chafe...I still can't figure it out, my face is so burnt I thought maybe I had some kind of sun posioning! My lips are chapped and I can no longer walk...I shuffle around. Although I do have to say that I have come a very long way. I remember the day of our 3 mile training in October...I literally laid on the couch for like 2 days and ached all over...and I can honestly say that I feel better after 26.2 than I did after 3 five months ago!

I talked to my veteran teammates about how it was for them and they all had a rough day. People were injured and had to walk most of it, and these are the ultra-prepared people. It was about 83 degrees which I think played a big part in everyone having a hard time- it was the 2nd hottest L.A. marathon in its' history. One teammate said if it had been her first marathon, she didn't know if she would've done another one...so I guess that's kinda good in a way, to know that future marathons could be easier, that it was hard for even the veterans.

So, thanks for the support! Pictures to come soon!

Old folks are cool!

So I got a part time job doing therapy in the nursing homes. What I enjoy the most is just chillin' with these old people. It's a nice change from the kids, being able to have a regular--ok fairly regular conversation--with someone. And I'm only there for 2-3 hours at a time, so that's nice too. You don't have time to get sick of anything.

So today, one of my patients was a deaf woman, who could read lips like nobody's business, and she could speak very well too-- I think she just was given the title of legally deaf recently. Anyway, you know what she wanted to talk about? Celebrity gossip. She's right up my alley. We talked about Mel Gibson, Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz & Justin Timberlake...it was hilarious.

Then I saw a guy who was from Hungary, a senator from Hungary-- so imagine a wonderful Russian sounding accent ok. I meet him, and he tells me several times that he thinks I'm an angel, that heaven sent to help "learn him" things--things about his arms and things for his mind. He's so thankful to meet me and have me help him. Do you think my kids say this to me? Let me help you out...they don't. They might kick and scream and cry on the floor, refuse to walk, or they'll run away. Yea, sometimes they love me, sometimes they don't, but they never say I'm an angel that they're thankful for! A nice change. And we talked about politics & traveling. And I actually spoke to his daughter on the phone...weird.

What I'm Learning...

As you know I'm learning more about "The Secret," which is the law of attraction-- like things attract like things. Meaning, good thoughts attract good things, bad thoughts attract bad things. I ordered the DVD, and Ivan bought me the book. I can't put it down! I am feverishly note-taking, and writing down what I want, what I'm gratfeul for, and what makes me happy! Notice how I didn't say anything about what I don't want... :)

What I've learned is that when asking for things, negative words aren't recognized. So for example, if you were to say "I don't want to get sick." You can just take the don't right out of it (I want to get sick) and that's what you'll get! Not because you might truly want that, but because the negative word isn't acknowledged! So what should have been said there? "I want to be healthy!"

There are 3 steps. 1. ASK...ask for what you want (I want a million dollars!) 2. BELIEVE...believe that you will receive it, and believe that you already have it. This is the tricky part I think because obviously if I had a million dollars I'd be on a shopping spree. But what they say is to believe you have it, so maybe you can't really go on that spree, but you can be picking out what you want! Or you can be on the spree and just believing that the money will come and so you don't need to worry about buying that stuff! 3. RECEIVE...be happy, be giving off the good vibes, and you will receive what you asked for.

Sounds like some hokey poke nonsense huh? So what if it is...What do you have to lose by believing? What do you have to lose by choosing to be happy? What do you have to lose by having faith that life will be good and you will receive the things you want? Nothing...or everything depending on how you look at it :)

I'd say, read the book or watch the DVD and decide for yourself. The worst that happens, is that you are happy and have faith and are grateful...Not so bad.

"The Secret"

If you know me, which if you're reading this, you do...you know that I am a faithful Oprah viewer and I really think her shows and her life are a good example of what people should strive to be like...

Anyway, did anyone see the episode about "The Secret"? And they talked about it again yesterday. Ok, I was literally taking notes as I watched so I could remember the phrases that really spoke to me. Whether you believe in anything that they talked about or not, some things that were said just seemed like good words to try & live by. To re-cap-- basically what they said is that the energy you put out to the world is what you get back-- so if you're a negative person, you will continue that cycle of negativity, and vice versa with positive energy-- what got more complex is that they are saying how we are all "energy" so it's literally the energy that you put out there. Anyway, that's not important to get into to get the key things that I really liked...so here they are:

*Life is not meant to be a struggle.
Now, I can honestly say that my life isn't a struggle. I have the issues that anyone has with money or weight or whatever, but overall I have it good. But I liked hearing this because 1. I think people sometimes make things worse than they need to be or overdramatize a lot of things, and 2. the people who do have a real struggle, well it's kinda hopeful and could show them that it's all about choice.

*Trying is failing with honor.
The example they gave was if you ask someone to a dinner party and they say "Oh I'll try to make it." We all know that means they're not coming. There is only doing and not doing. Sometimes I like to say "Well all I can do is try" or something along those lines...and when I think about that, I think I'm really saying "I'm not doing all that I need to do, I know I'm not trying my hardest." Think about it :) There's no need to say you're "trying" something, if you already doing it, say I'm DOING IT!

*Mediocrity always attacks excellence.
We all know this...it's jealousy. Whether you are feeling that towards someone else who is doing well and you wish you were too, suddenly you find yourself wishing them harm or bad mouthing them (I know I do this...I'm changing) Or whether you are the one is doing great and find someone being negative to you...
P.S.-I made a conscious effort to write "I'm changing" instead of "I'm trying to change"...you either are or you aren't. And I think looking at it that way makes you believe it faster too :) Mind over matter.

*Unforgiveness is a form of self abuse.

*True forgiveness is "giving up the hope that the past could have been any different" and being able to say "Thank you for giving me that experience."

*Unwillingness to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
There was a lot that they said about forgiveness that I liked. I've heard a couple of those things before. Along the lines of "you don't forgive for the other peson, you forgive for yourself." Odds are in most cases, whoever you are mad at doesn't even know you are, or care, so being mad isn't punishing them at all! Only yourself.

*Gratitude.
This is the biggest thing I think. To be truly grateful for what you have. Focus on what you want in life, not what you don't want. For example-- saying "I want financial freedom" instead of saying "I don't want to be broke." They say, unless you are grateful for what is already in your life, you can't invite anything new/good into it. To get what you want, you need to appreciate what you already have.

They also talked about maybe heaven & hell are happening right now, it's not some "place" you go to. Whatever choices you make in your life, whatever you create for it, makes your own personal heaven or hell right now! They quoted some stuff from the bible too to kinda back that up but I can't remember it right now :) It was interesting.

So anyway, I am really anxious to learn more about "The Secret" and just try to keep it's priniciples in mind on a daily basis...thought I'd share it with you. And if you want more info you can go to www.thesecret.tv

What to Do...

I can't figure out what to do after this contract is up on June 15th. I have no idea! We could basically do whatever we want...and that makes it hard. Ivan isn't much help, being the super laid back person that he is, he's fine with just about every scenario I come up with! Doesn't really have an opinion one way or another. So here's what's running through my head:

1. Move to Orange County for the summer, get like a 10 week contract because I need to be home Labor Day Weekend for Erin Springer's wedding...anyway, move there and do the beach thing, and then see what happens in the fall (although we are leaning towards staying in California again...that always happens, even though a month ago I swore I needed the heck outta here!)

2. Come home for the summer until after Erin's wedding, and then come back to California-- either get a job or not, but just be at home for about 11 weeks.

3. Go somewhere else...like Miami for the summer, come home at the end for a couple of weeks for Erin's wedding/visiting, then come back to California.

4. Take a month off work and just rent a beach house here or in Florida and just be bums.

5. Take a volunteer vacation that I've been wanting to do for years now... I really want to do one in South Africa, but it's super expensive, so there are some in Mexico that could be a good time. Meanwhile, Ivan would be homeless or have to go back to St. Louis... :(

If we're doing a pros/cons thing... the best financial option is to move to the OC, this way I have an income, Ivan would most likely be able to drive to his same job.

The downside of Miami is that Ivan wouldn't have a job probably. We talked about him getting an internship or something so then it wouldn't just be a complete wash for him. If it was unpaid at least he'd get some experience.

The downside of home is that again, Ivan's income would be questionable, BUT we wouldn't have living expenses to worry about.

The fun factor though... duh, is taking time off work and just being bums here, Florida, or at home...at home we have all our friends & family, but the other places have the ocean and stuff that we haven't done before. I dunno!!!

I was daydreaming about my internship in the Keys a couple years ago and thought, there is no reason why I can't do that again-- just not with the internship. Just rent a condo and lay out & boat & all that stuff all summer. Especially if I make a decision now and save up money for the summer.

Then there's always that responsible voice saying...you need to just work or else you'll never be able to buy a house and settle down. Boo! I am only 25. So I need to do the fun stuff now. Thanks for pointing that out :) But WHERE? Do I skip the Mexico volunteering to keep saving up for South Africa? OR do I go ahead and do Mexico to get a taste and satisfy that urge until I have money for South Africa? Do I have fun in the OC where I will make better money than in Florida and Ivan still has a job?? OR do I head to Florida for a change and give Ivan the summer off... Or do I come home and be a bum and drink a lot for 3 months, but live cheap?

Please give me your opinions on this one...Because I don't know what the heck to do. I tell my recruiter like every other day about a different idea I had and in about a month or two I will actually have to make a decision...scary!

Yo Yo

So I need to get myself motivated again. Yes, I'm training for a marathon...but you know, I need to do more than that. I'm thinking back to last year when I had my trainer and I was going to boot camp 3 days a week...I loved it! It's pretty pathetic that at this point in my life I can't start something & stick to it (as far as exercise/eating habits go). I have done so much, tried so many things, taken so many classes, had multiple trainers, tried different "diets" and I know exactly what works, what doesn't, I know the science behind things, I could train people at this point. And yet, when I get to a point that I'm happy with, I stop. And you can't do that. Duh! I know this as well. And I actually enjoy the work outs, I enjoy the sweat, I enjoy the benefits...why quit? A psychologist might say that I sabotage myself, that maybe I think I don't deserve to look & feel good. That's not it!! I deserve it! I work my ass off!! And then I reward myself with taking a "break." Which doubles as punishment when I gain it back and start to feel gross again, and each time gets a little worse than the time before.
For the past let's see...since I think 2002 is the first time I ever really lost weight, at least it's the smallest I remember being...well that's when the cycle began. I lose about 30 pounds...feel great, gain it back, spend 6 months losing it, and 6 months gaining it. That has truthfully been the cycle since 2002! And it's February now, right about the time I start to think "I need to do something about this." Right on schedule... :)
I'd love for all of this cycle stuff to stop. Because it really doesn't make sense. I actually love being active. The eating...ok no, I don't like to eat right. But at least if I got the exercise part down I'd have a bit more freedom on the eating side of it... Anyway, like I was saying, if you were to ask me what things I enjoy or what I want to try or what goals I have in life-- they all have to do with some activity...so what's the problem? I like hiking, I want to try rock climbing, I like kayaking and want to do it more, I want to do a triathlon...I would love to join a soccer league... so why do I end up on the couch? Crazy...
It's one reason I'd like to stay in California. The weather allows you to be outside all year and the environment offers any type of activity you could think of. It's a great place to be if you want to be active.
Anyway...I will let you know how this all goes...I might turn to you for motivation..or at least to keep me honest. That's what my trainer was always good for. I had to write down what I ate, weighed in with her, and we always had scheduled times to work out you know? I had to be accountable to someone besides myself. Obviously the goal would be to not need someone else...but clearly I'm not there yet...

1/2 Marathon

Last weekend I had my half marathon (13.1 miles) in Huntington Beach. It was good. I felt great until about mile 10-- then I started getting some aches & pains, blisters, so I walked most of the last 3 miles. It was a beautiful day, about 80 degrees, sunny (my face got burnt) and running on the Pacific Coast Highway looking out at the ocean. You really can't get much better than that, especially in February! After the race, as a team we took the ice bath in the pacific. We all walked in, fully clothed, and took a beating from the waves (about 50-60 degrees) for 15 minutes. It was one of the funnest things ever! It just proved that it doesn't matter how cold the water is, you can still have fun at the beach. And that is my favorite thing to do anyway-- just stand there and jump into the waves. And the undertow that day was crazy! It was great. If you want to look at pics of where we ran and race day info you can go to this website: www.psmarathon.com

Then we went over to Breigh & Joe's for the superbowl...YAY COLTS!! Very happy camper right here. And the food was so good, so good, so good!

I got that second job I've been talking about getting for 2 years now. I start on Monday because we have school off on Monday. Very excited about it too. I'll be working in a nursing home. I'm just ready to learn something outside of the schools so I'm not trapped. It'll be great experience and also nice to meet some more new people. Not to mention, the extra money is always wonderful.

Oh, Nike is starting this thing here in L.A...they might have it in other big cities but I don't know, I've only heard that it's here. Anyway, they have the Nike Top 20 running locations in LA county. I heard about it from my TNT coach and planned to go on Thursday before work but it didn't work out. So then I found that they do it 20 different trails in the area all at different times, so I can find ones that are closer to me (his is in west L.A.---coming back to East L.A. would be very difficult in the morning!!) and in the evening, so I don't have to get up at 5:00 to run...not my cup of tea really :) So, hopefully I'll start doing that, and Ivan can too. Once again, another way to meet people! And I've been wanting to find more trails out here, and there are tons! So without even knowing it, apparently I have started to seek out running opportunities. I have to be honest though, it's not the act of running itself that I like-- some people get the runner's highs and all this stuff. That is NOT ME! I enjoy completing a course, I enjoy the challenge, I enjoy seeing new places, and I really enjoy the people. And apparently running has turned out to be the way to get all those things. In a team sport, there's too much pressure for me. I can't take letting anyone down if I didn't do my job, but with running/walking, there's no pressure from anywhere, there's no let down, it's only what you can do. I like that it's individual, but at the same time, you still feel like a team when you're with the other people. During my race on Sunday, I spent those first 10 miles walking/running with a TNT person from a different team, just talking and keeping each other motivated. We joined up with other people moving at our pace and by the end of the time you've met some great people you didn't know before you started! That's what I like about it. I keep saying that I'd like to continue doing 5k's & 10k's, but I will never again feel a need to do a marathon or 1/2 marathon...the other day I found myself on a website about to sign up for a 1/2 in San Diego...what the heck?

Hey there!

Hello! Today was a good day :) I don't know why. It was just one of those days where I was driving down the street and thought, you know, I do like California. Some days, I can't say that. I think it's partly because Ivan and I are planning a vacation (trying to plan one) and so that's exciting. And when we're trying to figure out where to go, there's so many choices nearby that it made me re-appreciate California...we could drive to Mexico, Catalina Island (ok we have to take a boat for this one), Las Vegas, Yosemite, San Francisco, Lake Havasu, Lake Tahoe, the Grand Canyon-- they are all within 2-7 hours away. AND, a flight to Hawaii is a few hundred dollars and about 6-10 hours less of flight time from home! Kinda amazing really. Not to mention, there really is a lot to do right outside our door, people could spend an entire vacation in L.A. and that's where we live...and clearly take for granted. Anyway, we are thinking about Rosarito, Mexico. It's just about 20 miles across the border, so we could drive--or rent a car, or take a bus from San Diego, whichever, it's still only about 2 hours away. And the resorts are dirt cheap. We can't even stay in a hotel across the street from our apartment for that cheap, and in Mexico you are beach front. The massages & spa services are cheaper. I told Ivan, I just want to stay somewhere drinking cheap fruity drinks, laying by the pool or on the beach. Preferably, not in this country, just so it feels like a real vacation. So 4 nights across the border sounds fabulous. My parents are coming to visit on spring break, so we're thinking that after we take them to the airport, we'll head south :) Hopefully it all works out, we'll see!

Sunday is another training race-- a half-marathon in Huntington Beach. That's 13.1 miles, 8 of which are on the Pacific Coast Highway looking at the ocean! Another reason I'm appreciating California right now. I'm so looking forward to that race. Plus, I guess it's tradition to run in the freezing Pacific afterwards for a little natural "ice bath." And yes, I'm pumped for that too. I will have Ivan take pictures.

After the race we're heading to Breigh & Joe's (friends from Rancho) for the superbowl...which again, I'm oddly excited for. I have a crush on Peyton Manning, so you know, I am rootin' for the COLTS! I love him :) Not to mention, Breigh & Joe love to make food for people, and they are awesome cooks! Yum!

What else...Lucy started day care this week. Thus far, we haven't had anymore complaints from the bitch upstairs, but I dunno if that means Lucy's not barking or just that the woman is giving us a chance to fix it. Whenever I come home I knock on the door and ring the bell and Lucy doesn't bark, she runs to the door and kinda wimpers, but doesn't bark when she has the collar on. So anyway, I decided to take her to day care a couple days a week too to give her some play time, excerise, and a break from the citrinilla! She is so pooped when she gets home. It's great. Just to see that she has gotten to play so much.

Well...I guess that's about it. LET'S GO PEYTON!!

Neighbors Suck!

So my upstairs neighbor sucks a fat one. She has complained that Lucy has been barking during the day...during the day when nobody is sleeping... so if a dog is going to bark any time, shouldn't that time be when it's ok? Not to mention, during the day when I am at work and can do nothing about it. Oh, and keep in mind that Ivan is home on Mondays & Tuesdays usually, so that only leaves 3 days a week that the dog could be barking during waking hours. And not to mention she's never alone for more than 7ish hours, and is not barking when I get home SO that means she stopped at some point during the day, correct? AND this horrible soul who lives above us, actually has a dog! Aren't other dog-people supposed to know/understand that there's this thing that dogs do sometimes, called barking!

So here's my list of questions/comments/concerns:

**Is there any protection for the pet owners who live here? I was home until 11:00 yesterday and a complaint was made at 11:30; if the dog started barking the second I walked out of the door, which she didn't, that would have her barking for 30 minutes. Is that classified as unreasonable? I don't think that should be counted as one of the "3 strikes." Dogs will bark. I don't think it's fair to say that a 30 minute barking occurrence is enough to count as a 3rd strike. At least wait it out, see if she was actually going to bark all day, ya know?

**We do in fact live in a place that allows dogs. Residents moving in should be aware of that and not complain every time they hear a dog bark, because it will happen from time to time. At this point, I am trying to correct the problem and now I can't even do that because my three strikes are up, 2 in the matter of one week. That didn't give any time to even correct a problem. There should be a reasonable amount of time for a pet owner to attempt to train their pet. Two complaints in a week's time is not sufficient to correct the problem.

**I think there should be more chances. Correcting a dog barking is a trial & error process. So now I know what I was doing wasn't working, I need a chance to try other things. The only way I do know if it is working or not is getting a notice stuck to my door saying one more chance is gone. I would like to be able to work together with the management and/or neighbors to assist in this problem and solution. Let me know in a less threatening manner that my solution didn't work. Ok, I will then try something else. I think the tone and implication of the letter is unnecessary and not a pro-active way of dealing with the issue.

**Did we get new neighbors? Why was there no complaints for 3 months and in the last month my 3 strikes are up? Again, it is unreasonable for a behavior to be changed that quickly. One week between complaints does nothing.

**Do you ask your residents with children to leave or get rid of their children when they cry? I assume not. This is the same thing.

**Also, we pay for this pet to live here (a $500 deposit and $50 each month!). Going back to the first bullet point- doesn't that buy us some right or protection against neighbors who can't deal with pets in their building?

Yesterday I was pretty much distraught because if she complains one more time, Lucy's out. I will have to send her home to my parents until this lease is up (June 15th!!). Clearly that would be really hard to do. I love Lucy and need her around and would miss her too much. I might just throw myself into the mall off the balcony if they make me do that...maybe not, but you know, she is my baby :) People couldn't just get rid of their children, and I can't understand how people just get rid of dogs!

So, I am doing my best because I want Lucy here, and as much as I'd like to march upstairs and kick this lady's face in, I can't. I have to live here. And you know what else-- she's the only person complaining! Out of hundreds of people in this building, and 4 other apartments directly beside us, she is holding all of the power because she is a miserable little bitch...with horrible acne by the way. Yes now I'm getting petty, but she's out to get my baby, you would too! I told Ivan I was going to leave some Pro-Active on her doorstep.... :)

So anyway, like I said, I'm trying. I have been on constant contact with the management to let them know my side of the story. I used to gate Lucy in the bathroom during the day-- now she runs free in hopes she won't start barking. The radio is left on for her to have company. She is wearing a ($120!) collar that sprays citrinilla in her nose if she barks, tomorrow she is getting more shots & on a flea program so she can go to an overpriced day care 3 days a week, all because 1 pimple faced whore is a little annoyed that a 7 pound dog, 1 floor beneath her barks 3 days a week. A little ridiculous don't you think? I thought so.

And now we live in fear of any noise ever being made in our own apartment. It's like we're in prison...no really, we have concrete floors and walls...it really is like prison right now!

"Don't you think you deserved that?"

Crazy story...

Today I was crossing the street, yes I was jaywalking. There was only 1 car coming on this 4 lane one way street. It was in the far opposite lane from me. I start to cross the street because by the time I would get to the 3rd lane, the car would have passed...right? I do this several times a day, so ya know, I know this. Well this bastard decides to slow waaay down so then I'm standing in like lane 2 thinking "are you stopping for me to cross or what the hell?" And on top of slowing down, he switches to lane 3. He has forced me to cross in front of him at this point, which means he has to stop. Please keep in mind that this is all his fault, because if he had just stuck to the plan of staying in the 4th lane and driving at a normal speed, none of this would have happened. Anyway, I'm crossing, as I cross, he starts driving towards me at like 1 mile an hour!! I look at the car and yell "What the f$@# are you doing!!???" He rolls down his window and says "Don't you think you deserved that?" What? I said "No because if you had stayed in your f*ing lane this wouldn't have happened." He goes "But Madame" and then I flipped him off and walked away.

So, is that one of the most F*ed up stories you've ever heard? Is this man so againist jaywalking that he had to make an example of me? Did he think I expected him to stop for me? Did he think he was funny? I'm not sure. What I know is that he was a dumbf*ck.

So bizarre.

Shopping Cart

So we were really excited tonight about the new shopping carts at Ralph's. You may have seen them before but we hadn't...all four wheels turn independantly. So you can push it sideways and do sharp turns. Very exciting. Actually the shopping carts are from Gelson's (the overpriced grocery store downstairs). See we go get groceries at Ralph's, come home and park, come into our building to get a grocery cart, go back to the car, load up & come back in. This is actually much easier than trying to just carry everything in-- across the street, up the elevator & down the hall to our place. Anyway, we took pictures & video! The video is actually good to see our apartment. I think I will make another just to show you what it looks like.

My Horoscope today:

Review & reflect. Yes, you're still the best. A superior attitude shouldn't keep you from being considerate. Everyone is their own hero.

I love it! ha

Nancy Grace

Do you ever watch Nancy Grace? She's this lawyer who has a show and discusses court cases and just different stuff. She acts like she's just trying to find out the facts from experts regarding the topic, but all she does is speak her own opinion and yell at the experts who are just providing facts and have nothing to do with the case. Anyway, last night I was like yelling at the TV, I couldn't take it. She was discussing how this family of a special needs child (the girl has the capacity of a 3 month old and will never have more than that) are stunting her growth so that she is more manageable to care for as she ages. Ok, form your own opinions. I think it's fine. The people who have to deal with caring for adults who can do nothing, absolutely nothing for themselves, let alone even tell you what's wrong--it's not like these people are just elderly, they can't even communicate with you!-- well, it can't be easy and nobody should be able to judge their decision to do this. That's how I feel. So if that didn't just get me mad enough because she's trying to say that these parents should be charged with something, etc. You know what she was most concerned about?? That her uterus and breast tissue were removed. Grace went on & on about that, "why'd they have to remove that?" Why should she need to keep it? It won't make her life any better-- she's not going to pro-create, what's the purpose in putting her through PMS and menopause and all of that for no reason? Let alone, the parents who have to deal with that as well. AND, I'm sure she's not the first special needs female to have a hysterectomy, I'm sure it's more common than you think. Because yes, it saves her discomfort and it saves caregivers from having to take care of it. I was so mad. This woman pisses me off big time. Don't act like you are just trying to get the facts when you already have your mind made up, and how can you speak for something you've never had to do? She did say that in her life she has been a caregiver for a grown man...I bet he didn't have the capacity of a 3 month old, I bet whatever made him this way didn't happen as a child, and I bet your just pissed off that you didn't have the option!

Anyway, one article about it is below in case you wanted to read it.
I do agree with the article in that there aren't good enough options for caring for these people, but I don't think you should hold it againist some people who found a different option.

CHICAGO -- In a case fraught with ethical questions, the parents of a severely mentally and physically disabled child have stunted her growth to keep their little "pillow angel" a manageable and more portable size.

The bedridden 9-year-old girl had her uterus and breast tissue removed at a Seattle hospital and received large doses of hormones to halt her growth. She is now 4-foot-5; her parents say she would otherwise probably reach a normal 5-foot-6.

Some ethicists question the parents' claim that the drastic treatment will benefit their daughter and allow them to continue caring for her at home.


The case has captured attention nationwide and abroad. "Offensive if not perverse," wrote one person on an online bulletin board. "This smacks of eugenics," another wrote.

Right or wrong, the couple's decision highlights a dilemma thousands of parents face in struggling to care for severely disabled children as they grow up.

"This particular treatment, even if it's OK in this situation, and I think it probably is, is not a widespread solution and ignores the large social issues about caring for people with disabilities," Dr. Joel Frader, a medical ethicist at Chicago's Children's Memorial Hospital, said Thursday. "As a society, we do a pretty rotten job of helping caregivers provide what's necessary for these patients."

The case involves a girl identified only as Ashley on a blog her parents created after her doctors wrote about her treatment in October's Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine. The journal did not disclose the parents' names or where they live; the coupld do not identify themselves on their blog, either.

Shortly after birth, Ashley had feeding problems and showed severe developmental delays. Her doctors diagnosed static encephalopathy, which means severe brain damage. They do not know what caused it.

Her condition has left her in an infant state, unable to sit up, roll over, hold a toy or walk or talk. Her parents say she will never get better. She is alert, startles easily, and smiles, but does not maintain eye contact, according to her parents, who call the brown-haired little girl their "pillow angel."

She goes to school for disabled children, but her parents care for her at home and say they have been unable to find suitable outside help.

An editorial in the medical journal called "the Ashley treatment" ill-advised and questioned whether it will even work. But her parents says it has succeeded so far.

She had surgery in July 2004 and recently completed the hormone treatment. She weighs about 65 pounds, and is about 13 inches shorter and 50 pounds lighter than she would be as an adult, according to her parents' blog.

"Ashley's smaller and lighter size makes it more possible to include her in the typical family life and activities that provide her with needed comfort, closeness, security and love: meal time, car trips, touch, snuggles, etc.," her parents wrote.

University of Pennsylvania ethicist Art Caplan said the case is troubling and questioned how preventing normal growth could benefit the patient. Treatment that is not for a patient's direct benefit "only seems wrong to me," Caplan said.

He called it another example of the "slippery slope issue, with other parents thinking the way to deal with my kid with permanent behavioral problems is to put them into permanent childhood. It's not the right strategy."

But Ashley's parents say keeping her small will help reduce risks for bedsores and other conditions that can afflict bedridden patients. Also, they say preventing her from going through puberty means she won't experience the discomfort of having periods or growing breasts that might develop breast cancer, which runs in the family.

"Even though caring for Ashley involves hard and continual work, she is a blessing and not a burden," her parents' blog says. Still, they wrote, "Unless you are living the experience ... you have no clue what it is like to be the bedridden child or their caregivers."

Sleepy time...

This is why I'm always on the computer, these two are asleep on the couch all the time! Cute though huh?

Lao Tzu

I saw this quote from Lao Tzu (you know he was like a chinese philosopher thousands of years ago--wrote the Tao Te Ching). Anyway, thought I'd share it-

"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time' is to say 'I don't want to.'"

Think about that the next time you say you don't have time for something...all you are really saying is I don't want to!

Back to Sunny California

HEY! I'm back in Cali. The trip was good...it seemed very short, I was busy almost non-stop the whole time I was home. Whenever I'm home I always think, why don't I just move back home? Someday I will, but it's exciting to only be home for short periods of time and then get moving again. Yesterday we got to the airport in St. Louis about 2:30 and found out our connecting flight had been cancelled, so they booked us on a later flight, but it was nonstop! YAY! I love non-stop flights. Anyway, we had to sit in the airport until 7:45 (from 2:30!) but it didn't seem as long as it was I guess. All of Ivan's friends/family was busy and/or working so they couldn't come pick us back up. Oh well. Lucy did good, she always does good no matter how long she's in that bag. I did get her out at the aiport and took her outside and just ran her in circles for awhile. This morning I was unpacking everything and she saw her bag and hopped into it...strange since she was in it for about 10-12 hours yesterday! But it makes me feel better for shoving her in there, she's not having adverse reactions to the bag.

So everything is unpacked, just need to do some laundry and take Lucy to the park. I plan to let her run A LOT.

Thanks to everyone for a wonderful trip home!! It's always great to see you. There are some pictures below. If you want any of them, email me which ones and I will send it to you separately. There's not very many though...must have been too busy to even stop for a picture :)

share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9IZMWbVw5Y24

2,628,000 Minutes!

Today is me & Ivan's 5 year anniversary...60 months...260 weeks...1,825 days...43,800 hours...2,628,000 minutes! It's been good :) He got my 2 dozen beautiful roses and a gift certificate to Run With Us-- a running store, which as you know, at this moment is very important! Here's a picture of the flowers...

10k!

Today was our 10K (6.2 miles) in Irvine. It went really well, last time during the 5k I was having shin problems, yuck, but today I only had some minor foot problems. And I finished 11 minutes ahead of my pace, so I'm very happy. Anyway, the picture above is me coming across the finish line and that's all my team cheering at the end. Very fun thing to come back to!

There's a few more pics here: http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9IZMWbVw5Y0w

I just moved here...

The suspense is over. I have new thoughts for nobody to read, after 2 weeks. I've been lazy. Quick recap: nothing new has happened, I visited where I worked last year and missed it like CRAZY--the people, the kids, the nice materials you get to work with!, tomorrow I have a 10k in Irvine, then we're going to Rancho to visit old friends from last year, EXCITED! Lucy got fixed and has receovered very well, I come home in 6 days! We were extras in a movie and it was horrible-- I could never be an actress. That covers that...

So I was thinking about something and it's kinda funny. I have been out in California for a year & a half and yet when anyone asks me about where I live, etc. I will always say "I just moved here." At what point do you answer with "Pasadena." It's kinda awkward because after I say "I just moved here" I then have to explain that I actually have lived here for going on 2 years. I try to cover it up by saying "Last year I lived in Rancho, but I just moved to Pasadena this fall." What's weirder is that I know even if I live here for 10 years, I will probably ALWAYS say that I just moved here or that I'm not from here, to the random people you talk to who don't care, they're just asking where do you live now, to the people who I actually know out here. Just odd.

Oh, and I just clicked the mood as "scared." This is because I just woke up from some of the worst dreams I've ever had. Ivan left for work at around 5:30, so it's still really dark (and scary) and I had 2 crazy crazy crazy dreams-- one was that this guy had been lurking around and living like in the walls of our building-- he never did anything to anyone, but he was watching people all the time and you didn't know when. So they catch him but then in my dream even I couldn't get back to sleep because I thought that I kept seeing him everywhere. And on top of that, in my dream, some girl was staying with us (I think it was Becky from Survivor! creepy...) and I came downstairs (we don't have a downstairs) because I was scared, and she & Ivan were cuddling on the couch. I beat the crap out of both of them. That always feels good. So then I wake up & fall back to sleep, and I pick up where I left off. The apartment building decides to take all the residents to a hotel for safety reasons, well somehow my suitcase gets left on the street so I walk to go get it, and I have to climb up this really grassy wall-- when I do there is a man & a woman standing by a parked car near the suitcase and I instantly am scared. Well some more people start to walk up behind me that I recognize and I ask them if they will help me with my suitcase, then the people by the car walk towards me and say some scary shit that I can't remember and then they show me these pictures of all these people they've killed and what they did to them.

I then woke up scared, even though it's daylight now, not to mention, why the heck would I have some messed up dreams like that! Any dream interpretors out there, take a guess for me.

Ok...so I'm also starving at this point and haven't gotten groceries in weeks. So I have nothing to eat. And it looks cold outside. Oh, that's another thing, when it looks cold outside here, I still think it's going to be as cold as it is at home when it looks cold outside...obviously it's not....

PEACE!

Sitings...

Tonight me & Ivan had ordered take out and as were waiting for our food, Ivan turns to me and says quietly, "The woman next to me is an actor." I couldn't see her. Then she turned around to stand behind us to wait and it was Regina King. She was in Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock, she was Cuba Good Jr.'s wife in Jerry McGuire, she was in Ray, just to name a few. Fun Fun.

Oh, and I just got an email saying that if we go to a taping in the next two weeks of a show, then we will get priority invites to be seat fillers at the People's Choice Awards! So on the 12th we're going to a taping of "New Adventures of Old Christine" with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Wanda Sykes. AND, the People's Choice Awards are taped at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium, which happens to be directly across the street from our apartment building. Sometimes I love it here.

Melani's Profile

I'm posting below my teammate who just passed away's profile. This is how she introduced herself to the team and I just thought I'd share it, so you could know more about her and her specific diagnosis.

"Diagnosis: Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma: Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia

Date of Diagnosis: November 2003

When people hear the word cancer, they often dread an unhappy ending to such a diagnosis. I always have. Cancer has been part of my life for a long time. First my father-in-law, then my father and then my two uncles all died of the dreaded disease. Eighteen months after my dad died, I was diagnosed with a rare form of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma called Waldenstrom's Macrogloblinemia (WM). Fortunately, it's a slow growing cancer. Waldenstrom's only accounts for 1.4% of blood cancers or 0.1% of all cancers in general. That means that approximately1500 people in the United States are diagnosed with this disease each year. Most people who are diagnosed with WM are 65 years old with a life expectancy of about 5 years but approximately 20% of people survive for more than 10 years. Autoimmune hemolytic anemia is a condition of WM that I am currently fighting. One treatment we recently tried was a splenectomy to prevent destruction of my red blood cells, presumably caused by my spleen. After my surgery in January 06, I enjoyed 2 months of normal hemoglobin until itplummeted again and I required my 11th blood transfusion. I was so anemia I couldn't get out of bed for nearly two days. Prednisone has been a lifesaving drug that currently stabilizes my blood counts and allowsme to function normally. Why my body destroys its own red blood cells we still don't know.

The good news is that The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society has been a very helpful resource for me. Knowledge is power and I use the website almost daily. Patient Services was the first place I learned about my disease. Currently, I receive a very informative e-newsletter, have been put in touch with a First Connection friend, and listen to Telephone Education Conference on a regular basis. When I have a specific question, I can chat on-line with a live operator and get immediate feedback.

In January of last year, my husband and I signed up with Team in Training sponsored by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to train for a marathon and raise funds to find a cure for all blood-related cancers. Pictured above with me are my fellow survivors, Virginia & Roger, whose friendships I cherish thanks to TNT. The love & support I received through TNT was an awesome experience I will treasure forever!

Although I was anemic, last year, I walked 18 miles in the San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon! I walked for my three daughters, who need to see that people can "livestrong" with a cancer diagnosis. My hope is that one day they will all participate in a TNT event and be difference-makers like you!!"

Kind Words

I'm putting an email below that a friend of mine wrote in response to my email about my honored teammate passing; she's one of the therapists I worked with in Florida a couple of years ago. I just thought it was really well worded and positive, so I thought I'd share it. Thanks Stef!

"I am very sad about the news you send and very happy that you did, because sharing is the most important thing in the world, no matter what, happiness, sadness etc., that makes us human and vulnerable...I can't give you any money but I send you lot's of love and good energy and please never forget, that all you are doing is already the cure itself, not the money you raise or the treatment at the end or whatsoever...it is the moment that counts and that all those sick people know that you are out there for them, THAT is important, much more important or at least as important than the outcome. You make them feel loved and being cared for and NO medicine in the world can do that. Even if they would have lived a little longer with treatment (I am a nurse and I must say, I have doubted that very often!!), it is the quality of living which is important and not the length and you make a differnce in terms of their quality. However, I don't think because of the medication or treatment but the love and commitment you are putting out there. So please never forget that!!!"

Sad News

Hello everyone. I am doing Team In Training not only to complete a marathon and be very proud of myself for doing something I never even imagined doing, not only to keep myself working out, but also because this program is the largest fundraiser for the Leukmemia & Lymphoma Society, and the LLS is the biggest research organization for blood cancer research. I don't really care what kind of cancer it is, the point is it's helping to beat cancer. Once you have met the people leading this organization, heard their stories, and met everyone you're going to train with, you are just completely and totally comitted to the cause. You are suddenly this passionate person you didn't know you were. You are a cancer warrior as our coaches like to call us. And to be honest it's this huge up and down roller coaster battle, you're up one second because you got a donation or you heard someone with cancer just went into remission, then you're down because the fundraising is slowing down or someone just got sicker, and that makes you want to work hard or give up; you don't know which to do. I guess we need to choose to work harder because we have a long way to go. Today one of my honored teammates passed away; she had a rare form of leukemia and it was too much, the cancer itself and the treatment as well. She is leaving behind a husband and two young daughters. Two weeks ago one of my great coaches couldn't make it to our first race in Calabasas because his father, who had lymphoma, was just put in the hospital. On our Wednesday night practice night, Coach Kiley couldn't make it, but things were looking up, his dad came home. The following day out of nowhere, things took a turn for the worse and his dad died. He had decided to go through a really tough kind of chemo, and it was too much. The treatments available aren't good enough.

Ok, so I didn't know either of these people very well, I only met Melanie once and I never got to meet Fred, and that's the point. These are two people I didn't get to know because cancer just took them before I got the chance, before our team got the chance. We would always get messages from them to keep up the good work and that they were proud, that what we're doing makes a difference, so we just have to believe that it does, that we may not have gotten to help them like we wanted, but we have to keep trying for the millions of other people who still need it.

I just wanted to share that. I guess it's my "mission moment" for this week. Feels kind of weird to say this at the end of all that, but it's true more than ever I guess, we still need those donations. So keep 'em coming guys.

Thanks.
http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/chelsbels

The Comebacks

Saturday night me, Ivan, two girls from my team and a ton of their friends (since we don't have our own), are going to be extras in this new movie called "The Comebacks." It's a football comedy. Today I just got names of some of the people who are in it, you might not recognize the names but you will their faces...David Koechner (Anchorman), Chris Parnell (Saturday Night Live), Carl Weathers (Predator, Happy Gilmore), DJ Qualls (Road Trip, Hustle & Flow), and Matthew Lawrence (Hot Chick).



Also, let's celebrate, this is my 100th post! Woo hoo!

8 Miles!

Just a little update on the marathon training. Today we ran 8 miles!!!! Up until I decided to do this marathon, I hadn't traveled more than a mile or 2 at one time...and that was very slow jogging or walking. I have now completed 8 miles at once, and it was way better than 6! Last week I did 6 and I was about to kill myself and everyone around me. But today, with 8, nope, felt grrreat! Yes, I can bearly walk right now, about 8 hours later-- my shoulders hurt, my legs hurt, my feet are killing me, I'm kinda shuffling around instead of walking-- but tell you what, this morning it felt good. We (my pace group) completed this 8 miles in 2 hours and 7 minutes. Yes when I started this program I could do a 12 minute mile, and now I'm running a 16 minute mile, but there's method to the madness I guess. They slow you down so you can actually finish 26.2 miles you know? So anyway, we're all right on track.

Next week is a step back week where we recover before going further-- so next weekend we only do 4 miles! YAY!

The following week we up the mileage to 10 miles.

The week after we step back again and compete in a 10k, which is 6 miles.

And then it's on to 12 miles! Yikes!

Although, each week you kinda feel like, bring it on, I did't think I could do this, so I know I can do more. It's a crazy feeling. And it makes all the difference in the world to be doing it with a team-- last week a lot of people in my pace group were gone traveling for the holiday and everything, and we only had 3 people. And even that sucked. Today we had about 8 people and it was so much better. Nobody wants to let anyone else down so you keep pushing, and you have everyone else cheering you on . When I train by myself, I can hardly get through a mile because I lack will power and I get so damn bored!

Anyway, just a little update for you. Oh, and fundraising is good, but I still need to raise $1690! So keep 'em coming! I know someone out there wants to be a Titanium or Platinum donor :)

http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/chelsbels

Give Thanks!

So I'm sitting here thinking about what I'm thankful for, since that's what this holiday is all about. It's been easier to think of what I'm unthankful for: being alone on Thanksgiving (yes I guess that was my choice), bills, traffic, extra weight :), and my job...

But a new friend of mine out here just lost someone close to them and has reminded me to think about what I DO have to be thankful for, so here we go:

-I'm alive :)

- I have a place to live (a nice one too)

- I have a job--whether I like it all the time or not

-Yes yes, friends & family I have a plenty, and Lucy!

-I have my health, extra pounds or not, I am actually a healthy person and apparently I have food to eat :)

-I live in a place with great weather!

-I have today & tomorrow off of work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-I will be coming home for Christmas in less than 30 days!

-I have new friends & am inolved in a great cause (Team In Training, still need those donations!)

-All those great friends & family that I have, are healthy too and have all the same things that I'm thankful for (except Lucy! ha)

Happy Thanksgiving!

5k!

Saturday morning, as a team, we participated in the Calabasas Classic, a 5k in Calabasas, that also helps fundraise for families suffering from cancer. For those who don't know, a 5k is about 3 miles, 3.1 I think. It wasn't too bad, except that about a mile in my shins were killing me!! So I had to slow down so I didn't end up just walking the whole thing. Damn shin splints. So from now on I will have to be icing my shins and keeping them elevated after running. Anyway, it was fun though. We got a nice goodie bag and a little medal as soon as you crossed the finish line. Then we had a team breakfast. After that Ivan and I took a drive along the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) to Malibu. We sat on the beach for awhile. It was probably 70ish out, so it was comfortable out. I'm putting a link to pictures at the bottom from the race & the beach.

Friday night we went to a taping of Mad TV. That was fun too. After each scene usually one or 2 of the actors would come up in the audience and talk to everyone and everything.

Thursday night we went to another screening. Sorry, at this one I had to sign something saying I wouldn't talk about it :)...it wasn't that good I don't think. I'll let you know when it comes out what movie it was! But anyway, we were chosen to stay after to be in a "focus group" where basically you just have to answer questions about what you did or didn't like about it & why, what would you change. And for staying we got a free movie pass.

Not much else going on. Ivan will be changing to a day shift in a couple of weeks, so that will be nice. He'll be home at night. He will work Saturday days though, but that's ok because I am busy on Saturdays with the training so it will work out well.

Ok, that's all for now. Here's the link to some pics:

share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9IZMWbVw5Ywg

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

I just got back from a screening of "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" and it was really good! I don't know when it comes out, but it was good so keep your eyes open for it. It was almost 3 hours long, but worth it I think. Obviously we know how it ends...but it was sad, which is weird because you know it's not like Jesse James was a great guy or anything, but it you were still rooting for him (which was played by Brad Pitt by the way, and Casey Affleck played Robert Ford).

GOOD!

Some Inspirational words

So I've been an inspirational kinda mood, ya know because of this whole marathon training and being around motivated people. So here's some quotes I like, my favorites are italicized :)

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." -T. S. Eliot

Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

You don't get to choose how you're going to die; or when. You can only decide how you're going to live; NOW. - Joan Baez -

"A year from now you may wish you had started today."

"Use what talents you possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." - Henry van Dyke -

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another." - Charles Dickens

"One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do. " - Henry Ford -

"Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting." - Napolean Hill -

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." - Dale Carnegie -

"If you are not using your smile, you're a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook." - Les Giblin -

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead -

"I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself." - Aldous Huxley -

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of that candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." - Buddha -

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it." - William Arthur Ward -

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa -

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt -

Dalai Lama's 19 instructions for life

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs: respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

- Dalai Lama -

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt -

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus -

"We sometimes feel that what we do is just a drop in the ocean, but the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." - Mother Teresa -

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. -

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough" - Joe Lewis -

"Tell me and I`ll forget, show me and I may remember, involve me and I`ll understand." - Chinese Proverb -

Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die! - Anon -

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." - Mark Twain -

TNT Update!

(This is an email I sent out, but if you didn't get it, here it is)

Hello All!

I just wanted to take a second and let you know what's been going on with my training for the marathon. So, 2 weeks ago we had a pace assessment, where you run/walk 3 miles, they take your time, and then set us up in pace groups with people who run at a similar time. That night I finished at 38:12, which is great for me. I'm not trying to break records, I'm trying to finish a race! Then, Saturday the 4th was our first official practice with our pace group. We did 3 miles that day, and it was a little difficult but not near as bad you might think. We do a run/walk ratio of running for 1 minute and then walking for 1 minute, which makes any distance easier to get through. Not to mention, you are surrounded by a group of really great people. So the whole time you're running, you are just getting to know people and you always have other teammates coming and going giving you a good "Go Team!" In fact it's a rule on the team that you can't pass any person by without "good morning" or "GO TEAM!" Each practice begins with what they call a "mission moment," where someone will get up and talk about something that happened that reminded them of why they're doing this. We also get plenty of words of encouragement from our honored teammates, one of whom is in remission and trains with us, and the other who sends messages via email and is not doing so well right now. After hearing from them you know that what you're doing is worth it, no amount of tiredness or pain running could cause will ever compare, and the daunting task of fundraising is definitely worth the struggle. Each Saturday morning has become something I really look forward to because I look forward to seeing these people who I've just met and every weekend you are sure to get inspired over and over again!

Next weekend we have a training race where we will run as a ream in the Calabasas Classic, it's a 5k, put on by another organization supporting cancer research. Each week our mileage increases, and each week we think, my God, how are we going to do it?? And then we do!

I wish each of you could come one morning to see what happens when all these people meet and hear their stories. It's amazing. So anyway, that's a little update on where I am right now. I'll let you know when I get into running those double digits and see if I'm still as happy :)

As always, donations are very much appreciated!! GO TEAM!

Thanks!
Chelsey

Second Job...or Volunteer

So, I applied to get a second job just to get experience outside of the schools and you know, extra money has never hurt anyone. But I'm getting a bit busier with TNT training, and I just don't know if my heart's in it. I would rather volunteer somewhere I think than "have to" go do something. You know what I mean? I dunno what to do, because as far as my future in OT goes, it would be best to try to get a second job. I'm also a little bit afraid that it's not worth it to interview even b/c I have absolutely no experience in the hospitals and so I have basically nothing to offer...do I really want to go through an interview where I just sit there saying "No but I'm a quick learner." I dunno!

For whatever reason I've had an interest in doing something to help with the AIDS epidemic. I've felt this way for a few years and the other day I was searching for places around here to volunteer and stuff and I saw something called the AIDS service center. It's only a couple of blocks away and sounds like a good fit...we'll see.

As for everything else in life...it's fine :) TNT training is going well, and fun, and I like meeting people...and running?! Only at 3 miles right now, this weekend we increase to 4 or 5.

Work is...fine. Don't love or hate it, it just is what it is.

Ivan's good. He's still at the same job he had last year. Although I'm getting sick of the hours finally (he works Sunday-Wednesday 1:30 p.m.- 10:30 p.m.) Lonely! There might be a day shift opening up so he'll jump on that when he can hopefully.

We have no idea what will happen at the end of this school year. Love it or hate it, I'm comfortable in California, which is reason enough to move! I don't really want to get comfortable somewhere, especially here! Too many things to tick me off in So-Cal. (Yeah yeah, it has good points too). We've talked about Hawaii...or Chicago. Parts of me would love to just come home because I do like being with you guys, and I miss seeing the kids grow up, BUT I'm afraid to come home because it makes me feel like then that's it, time to get an SUV and get to the kids' soccer practice. And yes I want that someday....but not today! Ahh...only time will tell.

TNT

Saturday was the kick-off party for Team In Training (TNT), where we met our coaches and teammates and mentors and things like that. Basically, each team has a headcoach or 2, some assistant coaches and then mentors who are just people who have done it before and are doing it again & they train with you. They kinda keep you motivated, answer questions & things like that. Each team also has a social chair, who organizes things for the team to do to get to know each other & stuff. Anyway, the kick off party had all the teams in the Los Angeles area, I am on the San Gabriel Valley team. And people get up & speak-- people who have/had a form of blood cancer, and you basically cry or try not to cry for a couple of hours. It's exhausting! But you come away really proud of yourself and ready to work. Tonight was our first team practice, and we did our pace assessments. So we each had to complete 3 miles, they took our times, and then at our first "real" practice on the 28th, they will have us in pace groups of people who run at similar times. My time was 38:18, which I'm happy with. I tend to average a 12 minute mile, and that's just 1 mile at a time, so I figured if I was doing 3 it would be a lot longer, so only going over a couple minutes sounds great to me. It was nice to get to meet some people in the area too, which is a huge reason I'm doing this, I need friends! I happened to meet a girl who just moved here with her husband a few months ago & needs friends too :) And a bunch of other super nice people I hope to get to know. One thing they really talk about before you sign up for this is how close you get to your teammates. And really, why wouldn't you? You spend hours running next to people just talking & getting to know them. I'm pumped! Not to mention it's nice to get moving again.

One girl had a great idea, and I'm telling you to do this too-- whoever reading this usually gets me a Christmas present-- don't, please spend that on a donation for me!! It'll be put to way better use, and it's actually what I need right now.

What else...not much else is new. This past weekend Breigh & Joe, and Ivan's friend Brian came out & we all went out to eat for Ivan's birthday to this cool place called La Luna Negra, they have flamenco dancers & stuff, it was fun. Friday night Ivan & I went to see The Grudge 2...it was ok. It could've been better maybe if there weren't 10,000 15 year olds in the theatre who are overdramatic and scream about 10 seconds BEFORE anything scary happens, continue to scream for about 10 seconds AFTER, and then talk to each other for about 15 seconds after that. We almost got up & left. It was horrible!

Lucy is going through a terrible-two's stage. She's randomly having accidents, which she hasn't had in months really, and chewing on things she's never chewed on before! Let's hope this passes quickly. We've still been fairly regular at the dog park, so that's fun.

Well I'm gonna get going. Oh, I'm trying to teach myself how to do those Sodoku puzzles and I'm doing alright...but if anyone has any tips I'd love them!

Got My Flight!

Got my tickets bought today for my Christmas trip home. I will be flying into St. Louis on Friday, December 22 and staying until January 2nd. Ivan and I will both be home the same dates and are actually flying together! One of the first times ever, ha

See you then

Doing Better!

My last post was a little mean and I'm a little better...although I still think if you haven't donated yet you really need to think about it...skip a couple trips to Starbucks or something like that and you will magically have $10-20 to help cure cancer, but whatever, I'm not going to preach today!

Not much been going on out here. We took Lucy to the dog park on Saturday and then I took her again on Sunday and then again on Monday! I love the dog park as much as she does! She gets to just run off of her leash forever and play with other dogs. Much better than walking because I will never go as fast as she'd like and we always end up mad at each other anyway because I'm trying to teach her to stop pulling on the leash, so I've found that for both of our mental health, the dog park is good! I get to socialize a bit, so does she, all is well!

This Saturday I meet my team for the marathon. I'm excited to have people to get to know and work out with. I need someone to keep me motivated. I've been back to the tread mill doing some interval stuff to get ready for our first team practice, but other than that, I hadn't worked out for well 2.5 months aside from the 1-2 times I worked out at home and once we were back here. I really have to stop looking at working out just for weight loss. Because if I get un-motivated to lose weight then I just stop moving and kinda binge for months and that's how I always get right back where I started from. I need to start seeing it just as a necessity for the rest of my life instead of as a weight loss goal. And keep on doing things like marathons and stuff to keep me working towards something that's not a weight!! Obviously using weight as a goal isn't working for me! So wish me luck with that.

What else...tomorrow is Ivan's 24th birthday! Exciting stuff. I think we'll be going out this weekend with friends from Rancho, his friends from work, and maybe my new co-worker.

I applied for a part-time job in the hospitals. We'll see if I get it. I just really want to get experience outside of the schools so I don't end up trapped there. And extra money is never bad! I'll let you know how that goes.

Later!

You should be ashamed of yourselves!

I'm so frustrated right now and kinda angry and a little sad. As you know I'm doing this marathon to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. And I know I just sent out the email last week to start raising money & everything...but only 3 people have donated so far. I sent that email to 106 people, posted it on Myspace and Facebook, and my blog. I get it, sometimes people read it, forget about it, and that's it. And I know not everyone has money laying around... but do you know if every person I emailed it to donated $20, I would have raised $2120! I'm sorry but $20 is not too much. And even if it was, $10 donations from each person would have given me $1060. As it is I'm going to donate hundreds of dollars of my own by setting aside $10-20 per week, and I'm ok with that! But I just can't get over how un-giving people have been so far. I know some people are waiting until they've saved up a bigger amount and things like that but damn, I'm just kinda pissed off right now.

I realize I'm probably talking to myself, and that's fine. And I might be pissing off potential doners right now, but whatever. It's not about me, I'm trying to do a good thing and it's really difficult when nobody will work with you on it. Yes it's early. But I'm so discouraged right now. And this is putting it very mildly. I just got off the phone with my mom and f%#@ was just about every other word out of my mouth because I just don't get it. Selfishness. Whatever.

If I pissed you off then fine don't donate anything, selfish bastard, and if I made you feel guilty, good, you should feel that way. And thank you for your future donation!

Let's let the cancer win, shall we.

A little dramatic but I'm super frustrated right now.

Blah

Things have been kinda blah lately (lack of money will do that to you). Hopefully next week things will be back to normal money wise; since I was off for 6 weeks you know, that'll drain the first paycheck pretty quickly! Anyway, yesterday we went to Hollywood because we were like, well we have to do something. We ended up spending some time wandering through Ripley's Believe it Or Not. That was interesting. I did some more window-shopping (I do that a lot!) And have a ton of things I want to get on Friday when the money drops into my account.

Ivan saw a couple of gray hairs on my head...I thought I saw them the other day too but I dunno. Scary. I am only 24!

Our building is having a doggie Halloween costume contest and I'm debating entering Lucy. I'm just worried that everyone else will go way over the top you know? We'll see.

So start donating your money people! It'll be much appreciated!

Thanks

I'm a runner!

Or I will be very soon...I've signed up to train for the Los Angeles Marathon in March and need all the help I can get raising the funds ($2500!) So click on the link I'm providing (or copy & paste it up top) and donate all the money you have :)

Help me help others! THANK YOU!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/chelsbels

I'm Fancy Pancy

I'm a cool, hip, L.A. chic now. I went to my first movie screening. Ooh la la. Yeah, have you ever read an article and they were like "oh we changed the ending because audience screenings didn't go well" or they changed something else. Well yeah that's what I did last night.

What this actually means is that when I went to a movie the other night, afterwards people were standing outside handing out fliers for a movie screening. So I thought, what the heck, I will go. The movie was called "Michael Clayton" and it stars George Clooney. It was good. Anyway, afterwards you just fill out this form about what you liked or didn't, what you would change, if it was too fast or too slow, etc. And it's free.

Upon leaving I was handed a ticket to another screening for a different movie. It's not titled yet but it has Ryan Reynolds, Emily Mortimer, & Stuart Townsend, and is supposed to be funny. So I guess we'll be heading to Burbank tomorrow night for that. It's a nice hobby, seeing movies for free months before they come out. There's one nice thing about L.A.

New Apartment Pics

Here's a link to the pictures of our new place:

share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9IZMWbVw5YvY

Coming to America...

Yeah that's how I feel everyday as I drive home from work, that I am coming back to America! I have 32 kids on my caseload, by looking at last names alone, at least 16 of them are Asian, 13 are Hispanic and that leaves 3 kids whose last names I can't tell what they are... Today I was in a classroom and there was 1 white kid, no black kids-- everyone else was Hispanic or Asian. It's just an odd thing to get used to. I mean don't get me wrong, last year I had a lot of Hispanic kids, I'm in Southern California, it's normal, but this is crazy. I hear & see more foreign languages on signs than in English, and the English I do hear has a really heavy accent and sometimes I can't even tell they are actually speaking English because the accent is so heavy. But that's just where I work...head back towards where I live--which is actually less than 10 miles-- and the signs are in English! (Maybe some Spanish ones but that's normal) And there's actually a variety of people, not just 2 major groups. It's so strange. The other day I was walking around this school and guess what flashed into my head... you know those infomercials about feeding some hungry kids for like 25 cents a day...I felt like I was in one of those countries!! Sounds kinda horrible but it's just so weird.

Going, Going, Back, Back to Cali Cali

Ok, we're actually already back, but now I have internet service! Watch out world! (And those are words to a song up top, it's not an accident that it's all twice!)

Kidding. So the trip home was good and long...maybe too long because I got used to being home and now I'm bitter about all the things I don't like about California. I'll get over it soon I'm sure. I don't really have any choice. Those things being that everything takes longer-- driving, lunch, waiting in lines...that sort of thing. And the sky in fact is not blue. It's brownish. And the grass is not in fact green. It's brownish. Everything is brownish. I knew this when I left but you know, after being around an actual blue sky and green grass it kinda pisses you off.

The good things...we got the apartment we wanted & we're all settled. It's bigger than I had imagined (just so I wouldn't be disappointed). We live on top of a mall. Our balcony overlooks a fountain and Mimi Maternity and Coach, and Footlocker is just across the way. The overpriced grocery store is just down the elevator, the post office is across the street and the library is 2 blocks away. Target is only 4 blocks--- so that is all very cool. We get to walk places :)

Work...today was the first day and I was completely overwhelmed. But I think that's standard for any first day. I won't get into the details other than it's much different than where I was for good & bad. Give me a couple weeks and I'll get to my kids and all will be well with the world again. As for right now I have a pounding headache. And want to fast forward. It's a much smaller area=good, I'm the only therapist=challenging, they don't have any materials=bad, I get to pick what we order=good. Just stress, good & bad.

I'm going to try & get some pictures up of that place later today, keep in mind it's not complete :)

Miss you all

I'm home!

As you know, I'm home! I will be home until sometime the week of Labor Day. It looks like everything is working out for the job in Pasadena but I haven't signed yet so technically it could all still go south. Although I think it's all fine.

Being home is good. One of the first things I noticed when I got home were the stars in the sky & how clear it was...that's when I realized I don't get to see stars in Cali b/c we're so close to L.A. that we have a lot of smog to deal with and the city lights are so bright, it's just never dark enough to see them. I'm also loving that there is no traffic...sometimes I'll admit it's a bit frustrating that nobody's in a hurry to get anywhere here though b/c really it makes it harder to pass people & stuff, but it's also nice to just go somewhere without having to be such a defensive driver you know?

I've got to visit with quite a few people so far and tonight I'm heading to Jacksonville (where Ivan went to college) to see a friend who lives there and pick Ivan up, then he's coming back up here for a couple of weeks.

Lucy is doing really well, I've been baby-sitting for a friend of mine during the day and they have a golden retriever and they just play all day long and Lucy loves it. She's so tired at the end of the day we hardly get to spend any time together :( I was thinking about getting another puppy b/c she has so much fun playing with other dogs and she hardly gets into any trouble but on the other hand I'd miss our little one on one time that we have :) hahaha

I guess not much else to say. If you're here reading this if I haven't seen you yet I probably will see you pretty soon!

I'm Coming Home!

Hey hey hey, so I'm coming home on Tuesday and will be home for awhile. I'm waiting to hear on a job in Pasadena and hopefully that works out. No matter what we'll be coming back to Cali at some point. I guess not much else to say, other than see you soon!

Notta

Hey there! Not much to say, I'll be home in like 9 days, so that's cool. Ivan will be coming home the following week. Yesterday we went to a Dodger-Cardinal game in L.A. Cards won 6-1. It was freakin' hot. It's been well over 105 here lately and today it was humid too...I dunno what that was about but it didn't make me happy.

I gave Lucy a bath today...my camera's batteries were out and that sucks because you should have seen her...looked like a drowned rat. Funny. She didn't like the hair dryer afterwards but she survived and it was for her own good :)

Not much goin' on

Hey everyone! So let's see, this week was pretty uneventful except that Ivan's sister, Leah, came to visit. We went to Santa Monica to the beach on Friday and that was cool. Me & Ivan played in the waves for like 2 hours. Love that stuff. And the traffic was great, we were smooth all the way home, which doesn't happen at 6 o'clock on a Friday. Crazy. Today we went & looked at apartments in Pasadena where I have a possible job interview. I like the city but the apartment hunt was a bust. Oh well. Then me, Ivan, Leah & Breigh went bowling, to kareoke, and then to Twins-- the only nightclub within like 30 miles. It was a good time, we closed the place down. I requested some Daddy Yankee and they finally played that, followed by Shakira so I was a pretty happy camper. I could dance to "Gasolina" (by Daddy Yankee, download it, I know they're not playing it in Central Illinois yet) all night, that could be the only song played and I'd be fine.

Anyway, that's about it. We actually just got home from the club and Ivan's talking to a friend outside and Leah & Breigh went to IHOP so I thought I'd write.

I'll be home on August 1st! YAY! I don't know how long, if I work in Pasadena they don't go back to school until September 11th so I will be home for like 6 weeks!!! Crazy! But looking forward to it.

Later!

Lisa Lampanelli Rocks

We went to the Improv the other night to see the comedian, Lisa Lampanelli. I'd seen her special on comedy central before and was dying to see her so luckily she came to Ontario. It was awesome, Breigh & Joe went with us & agreed that she was the best they've seen at the Improv. So basically all she does is tell racist joke after racist joke after racist joke-- nobody is off limits and it's the kinda of stuff you never would say. My God, it's just hilarious. So you need to rent her DVD or buy it or something, you will laugh your ass off. Promise. It's just relieving to hear someone say it & you know you have every race in the same room laughing at the same stuff, you can't get mad about it, and stuff. She's great!

Other than that not much been going on. I have only 2 sessions left with my trainer! I've been with her for 5 months...so that's kinda scary. But boot camp starts again tomorrow to keep me in line. Throughout the summer I have basically been maintaining because I've been lazy and not working out much on my own and haven't been as strict with my food. But I can handle maintaining, and last week I started working out more on my own to get myself prepared to not have my trainer. Luckily, if I stay here I will still have boot camp & there is one in Irvine, so either way I will have that if I want/need it.

Ivan just called to let me know he might be a little late coming home from work-- because the bears have come down from the mountains and are near his car, so they're waiting for the police to come and shoot them with something! Isn't that crazy?

Today I laid out a bit and then cleaned-- I really needed to, but also because Ivan's sister is coming to visit. I'm sure she wouldn't care but I know that I don't like tiptoeing around other people's dirty houses! That sounds horrible... but it has to be pretty dirty for me to care you know, but I do appreciate it when there's not like hairs all over the bathroom or I get to use a clean pillow or something. So you know, I try to do that for people who come to see me. I gotta say though, now that my hair is black I can see it all over the place & it's driving me nutty.

P.S.-- Lucy's good...still working on that housetraining :)

Hey Hey Hey

Hey! Not much to say. I dyed my hair black out of boredeom while Ivan was in Atlanta at a family reunion. I walked up to him at the airport and he just looked at me funny until I smiled, later he said he just thought it was somebody who looked a lot like me! I like the black but not for long term, it's good for now.

Lucy's good. Still working on the housetraining-- she has her moments of genius and then there's the moments where I'm like what have we been working on for the past 2 weeks?! This weekend we left her out of her crate but gated in the bathroom with her litterbox for about 5 hours while we apartment hunting and she went in her box every time! Woo hoo!

So I still don't know where I'll be working in the fall. I have 3 weeks left at my current job after this week and so hopefully I will be in a new contract within the next couple of weeks. At this time it looks like I will either be staying where I am or working in Irvine which is in Orange County and about 10 minutes to the beach!! Wish me luck either way, at this point I'm not super worreied where I end up, I just want to know where it will be. And once we know that, Ivan can look for a new job. So anyway, I will be home again on August 1st or 2nd for 2-4 weeks...depends where I'm working! See you then!