So yesterday at practice it was the first time that I thought...maybe I can't do this. I've been overly confident, having done a marathon I was in the mindset of, "you can do anything once!" Right?? Such a positive way of looking at things. But then I met hills...mountains...for the first time and they put me in my place. I ended up seeing spots and actually throwing up after getting up one of the hills (King Kong's Ugly Sister as it is so affectionately called--because she comes right after King Kong of course). I started up Usary Pass-- which leads up Usary Mountain!!!!!! This was hell, and stopping several times, as my feet were pedaling so slow I thought myself and the bike were just going to plop on over to the ground.
In my attempt to stay positive, I'm happy because I went farther than I have, got up some hills, and actually got back out to practice after company & fear had kept me out. On the other hand, I'm pretty pissed at myself for not being at practice in the first place. But I learned yesterday that if I give anything enough time I can do it-- if I need to take 10 breaks then I will take 10 breaks. I just have to remind myself that it's ok to do that, this too shall pass, etc etc etc.
Meanwhile I have my coach beside me just asking me questions to keep me occupied and to not focus on what I'm doing. Her favorite question to ask-- if you could only have 5 foods for the rest of your life and not have to worry about nutrition or anything, but you only get 5 foods...what would they be? 1-Ice Cream, 2- Mashed Potatoes, 3- Chicken Fried Steak, 4- Pizza, and 5- Pineapple. Although I have to tell you, PB&J is up there. Might even take it over pineapple. And then there's always the reminders of why you're doing this. All the people fighting cancer, and how treatment sucks, and they do it & everything. On the one hand it's motivating because you think "Hell yeah I'm doing this for them! If they can beat chemo & cancer and all this shit then I can ride a bike!" And on the other hand sometimes you're just in a selfish state and you're thinking "this HAS to be worse!" and "Ya know that sucks and I will feel for them later, but right now I am miserable!"
So right now I have had a reality check. Which is great because I now fully realize what I'm taking on---I don't care what anyone says, and I don't like running, but this is infinitely harder than a marathon! I will let you know if I still feel that way when it's all said and done, but right now I firmly believe this sucks. And I don't know what I got myself into. Oh right, the reality check. So, it's great because I have all the motivation in the world to get my ass in gear, literally--haha a little bike joke as shifting is like SOOO important. Really, you hardly ever stay in one gear for very long it's always shift shift shift-- anyway, yes, ass in gear because if I would like to come close to finishing this and/or surviving no matter how far I make it, I need to be training hard core. So that's great. The crappy thing is that I've had a reality check! hehe Maybe I can't do this. So while I'm kicking my own ass until I throw up, I do know in the back of my mind that this bad boy might take a couple tries to knock out. We'll see.
So, I invite you to check out the elevation map for Lake Tahoe(up top)...this shit is scary. I'm trying to remind myself that this is supposed to be FUN, and it's voluntary! Haha
