Seems like I’ve been very busy lately, but probably really haven’t! I haven’t written since I met my refugee family have I? Or at least since I met them on my own? Let me back up then.
They are the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I could stop right there. But I won’t! I’m sure there’s some privacy issues so I will just call them Mom, Dad, and Sunny (nickname), which will probably be easier for you to keep straight anyway. So anyway, I went over and I had already met Sunny so I knew she was warm and very friendly which eased my mind about meeting Mom & Dad. Mom & Dad are just as sweet as Sunny. First I come in and am offered water, I accept because I read it’s rude not to (whereas in our culture I think sometimes we feel it’s better to decline when things are offered to us). Then without even asking if I wanted any, over the course of the 3 hours I was there I was brought tea, cookies, cake, juice, apple slices, nuts, and a Clementine. Needless to say, I now know not to eat before I go to see them because they will FILL me up, even against my will. They will not take no for answer at all. So we just spent the time talking and getting to know each other. Sunny is engaged, her fiancé is back in Egypt for now. (Did I mention last time that they escaped Iraq to Egypt for a few years before coming here?) Mom was a manager in a communications company, and Dad has been an electrician for 25 years. He worked with the government, American Army, and was very successful. You’re wondering what happened? There came a point when the militia (terrorists) threatened people that if they worked with the Americans they would be killed. The option was to flee. There is another daughter who is still in Egypt (originally I thought she was in Iraq still). She is married with a baby and just waiting on the go-ahead to come over to the States. They have a computer so they talk on Skype with friends and family all the time, which is nice for them since they are otherwise fairly isolated.
In the getting to know each other we took family pictures with me, and Mom wanted me to tell Ivan that he has a good girl and he better not do anything to lose me. I was sure to pass that along! We also worked on some English vocabulary by labeling things in the house. This helps with learning English words—and not just in speaking them but in spelling and reading them also.
I showed them a picture of Ivan and me which prompted a conversation about race. Other people had told them before coming here that Blacks and Mexicans were bad people and to be careful. That when things were stolen or people were selling drugs it was the Blacks and Mexicans. We had the talk about how of course there are ‘bad’ people of every race and that you just have to take it on a person by person basis, with any race. Luckily Sunny said that they haven’t had any bad experiences and that everyone they have met (of any race) has been very nice and helpful. It’s a shame that people are sent into the country thinking these things, it’s not even something they’ve had to experience themselves, or have lived with our history and yet they arrive with these thoughts. And I’m not sure even who told them, whether it was other Americans they had met, or just other foreigners who get that feeling from America. Either way it is sad. But in that way I’m happy that they will get to know Ivan and in a way be a good model for them, and give them a good experience to try and squash that information as quickly as possible. I think even by them knowing me and seeing that I am marrying a black man has probably already done a lot for influencing their views.
Which brings me to, they really want to meet Ivan! The first night I went they asked where he was and I told them I wanted to meet them first and everything. The 2nd time I saw them, same thing! I told them they would meet him soon. I’m guessing part of this interest comes from the culture where the women take a slight back seat to the man of the house. Although in their family it seems fairly equal. Everywhere wears typical western clothes, nobody is in wraps or shawls or turbins or anything like that.
The other night I took Mom & Sunny to the mall because they wanted to see it, and more importantly they wanted to see people! One of the biggest adjustments for them I think is I guess how boring America kinda is. They said people are outside talking and socializing until 4 a.m. back in Egypt! It would be a huge difference to come to America where people tend to stick to themselves, and definitely aren’t just standing around outside all hours of the night. The mall I took them to closed at 9:00—in Egypt their mall was open until midnight! Not to mention had 8 floors!
Mom loves taking pictures; she probably took 50 pictures while we were at the mall, posing with shoes, by a Christmas tree, store signs, us walking. On and on! Another adjustment for them is not having the income they once had. I mean, although they are refugees that doesn’t mean their lives were horrible beforehand, it’s really just that it became unsafe to stay where they were. They had a good income like any one of us and our now adjusting to living a very scaled back life, in a new country, and having difficulty finding jobs as well. It would be hard enough as a newcomer but especially with the economy the way it is right now. This is the hardest part for Dad, as he wants to provide for his family, and in the way that he was previously. Here sits an electrician with 25 years experience that cannot work as an electrician. It’s frustrating for them, and for me to watch. All I can do is listen, make suggestions, and just be there really.
While we were at the mall we got some ice cream and talked a little bit about life in Iraq with Saddam and once the Americans came and everything. I know that Saddam was horrible and did awful things but I have wondered if life was really that bad for the average person who was kind of off the radar if you will. Both Sunny & Mom said they had a sense of relief when we came over, and were comforted by our presence. However, they said they don’t think the government that is in place now is any better than Saddam, in fact maybe worse. They said it’s the government doing these terrorist acts and then blaming it on other terrorist groups. Who knows if that’s fact or theory or opinion of many or just some, but it’s still an interesting take. Also an interesting point—we hear a lot about the Suni and the Shiites, how they do not get along, etc. Mom is Suni and Dad is Shiite. Married. They feel the media makes a big deal and paints it that these 2 groups do not get along and in everyday life that is not really true. They say, it’s not as if you walk up to someone ask what they are, or that it even matters. So I’m sure what that it really comes back to is extremists of each type, but the point is, the media makes it sound like this is all the time, not just within extremist groups. They also said the government has a 2:00 p.m. curfew in effect, the current government. Everyone has to be in their homes by the middle of the afternoon. Just interesting little tidbits that they shared.
Bottom line, it’s going very well and I’m so happy I’m finally able to do it, and that I was matched with them. They are wonderful and treat me as if I’m family and we’ve always been family.
So aside from that, what else…the other night Ivan & I went to the Suns/Spurs game. It was a special deal through one of the my schools where you got to go watch the teams warm-up. So we were in the front row for that and got some good pictures. Games are always fun.
Awhile ago I went to an orientation for Habitat for Humanity. I’ve always been interested in it and since I’m not working for the city anymore I have more time for things like that. So this weekend will be my first time on a site. Once you attend the orientation they will email whenever they need help or you can go to a website to sign up for a weekend. Well I got an email the other day for this weekend to work on landscaping at a house. I figured I might as well because I didn’t have anything else going, we’re heading into Christmas break so I will have time off, etc. So I’ll let you know how it goes!
Speaking of Christmas break, it starts today! I’ll be coming home for about 10 days so it’ll be a long trip this time. A couple days I’ll go to St. Louis to see Ivan’s family and I think we’re going to try and get the groomsmen together to figure out what they are going to wear—which has become my biggest headache about the wedding. The rest of the time I’ll just be hanging out and spending time with people. I’m sure it’ll go fast even though it’s 10 days.
Well I guess that’s all for now. Later!
