“Well if you don’t know, now ya know,” (that’s from a song in case you wondering; woo Biggie). Yes, that is how much I weigh. My head is all hung down in shame. Actually it’s not, but it might be right after I hit post and wish I hadn’t done that!
For real though, it’s no secret that I’ve always been up and down, I’ve had trainers, boot camps, diets, doctors, Nutri-System, and whatever else you can think of. I absolutely know what to do and what not to do. I could probably train most of you with all the things I have learned. And I’ve always said that losing weight is not hard, keeping it off is the problem! That’s where I always fall. I can drop 30 like nobody’s business, but I can gain back 40 even more easily! One of the problems is that I get all manic about working out and losing weight. It is addictive. But then one day I give myself a little time off and it turns into 2 years and 40-50 pounds in no time flat. Part of the reason it turns into 2 years is because I have psyched myself out that I KNOW I won’t stick to it, or that I KNOW eventually it will all come back, I KNOW that this is something I’ll have to do for the rest of my life and I don’t want to. Flat out just go, geez, if I had to work out and eat right for the rest of my life why bother? I don’t really want to do that! (Hence the problem with looking long term and not shooting for short term goals!)
I’m at that point right now where I’m feeling pretty motivated. I’m at that point where it’s not about wearing a certain size for looking good, it’s a health thing. 220 on a 5’3” frame is way too much. I’m at that point where I’m tired all the time. Wouldn’t you be if you were hauling around that much extra weight? It’s getting to the point where I don’t even like kneeling or sitting a certain way because it’s uncomfortable to sit that way or get back up. My feet, knees, and back hurt more easily than they should! I’m freakin’ 26 ya know? And I know what needs to be done. I’ve just psyched myself out.
So I’ve been trying to think back to when I lived in Rancho Cucamonga at what was motivating for me and what worked. That’s when I was at my best; although I was working out like a fiend there were aspects of it that were all the right things. Ivan & I worked out all the time, because we liked it. We liked going to the gym, and we went all the time. I had Breigh to work out with and she pushed me to go to the gym or hiking all the time. That was nice to have someone to workout with. So I’m trying to pick aspects of it that worked for me.
Thursday night I stopped by the gym across the street from our apartment and took a tour, got the prices. We’re going to go sign up today. I’ve been opposed to getting another gym membership because our complex has a fitness center, but truthfully, the gym really is a very motivating place. Once I was in there I wanted to work out, and was just really motivated to get going on all of this. I’ve barely used the fitness center here so I can stop using that as an excuse! And I have a couple friends who are members there so hopefully they can be my Breigh!
So I need to look at some short term goals. And really the big one right now is that I’ll be taking a trip to Europe in June, backpacking. I know it’s going to be an active trip, and I like all that stuff—hiking and biking. But I know it will be so hard for my body to do those things with the shape it’s in right now. On top of the fact that I want to do all of that stuff, I don’t want to drag Megan down either. Those of you reading who know Megan know she’s in great shape and I just want to be able to keep up with her even a little bit! It’s not so much about the weight, but building some strength and cardiovascular endurance. Even at heavy points I’ve still been able to complete marathons and things like that because I was still training and always moving.
So anyway, I write about what’s on my mind on here, and that is forefront, so I thought I should share. I’ll keep ya posted :)
