Long time no talk. Not a whole lot going on I guess. I haven’t felt the greatest lately; just a cold, cough, sore throat, headache type of thing, and been exhausted! Last weekend we were in my school’s intramural bowling tournament. So the team was me & Ivan, Jeff, Kara-who is a girl who teaches with Jeff and who is moving into our apartment complex in a couple weeks, Rowena-my supervisor who also lives in our apartment complex, and Rosemary, another COTA. It was a pretty good time. After that we grilled out at the pool with Jeff and his girlfriend Megan, Kara and a couple of her friends who are also teachers, Ryan-who teaches with Jeff & Kara and lives in our apartment complex, Rowena and a friend of hers, my friends Gretchen & Sebastian- Gretchen is a school psychologist that I worked with last year, Chris-who works with Ivan , and his wife Heidi, and a new neighbor we met, Larry, and his son Lewis. So it was nice to have everyone over. We just sat and grilled at the pool til dark, and then moved up to the apartment and played the Wii. The last of them left around 2 a.m. I think. And if you didn’t notice—our apartment complex is the place to be J Everyone’s moving in or already lives there, which is nice.
I had my interview the other day for the recreation assistant job. I’m pretty sure I wrote about that before. Our city has a great adaptive recreation program for special needs kids and they are hiring for someone to help out with that program. My friend Kelli’s husband Joe is the coordinator, so Kelli thought it would be a good idea for me since I was looking for something to volunteer with or whatever. So we’ll see.
It’s been raining and storming a lot lately so that is fun. It actually hailed last night, very exciting J Any change up in weather is welcomed by me!!
Work is ok. I can’t help but think about what I’d really like to be doing though. I was watching some fashion show the other day and it hit me that this woman literally loves what she does. She works like 900 hours a week but it doesn’t matter because she loves it, it’s not work for her. And that’s what I want!! But I don’t know what would make me feel that way… I always hear, “Do what you love and the money will follow.” I don’t know what that would be though. I know I want to get masters in Public Service. I know I want to work in international support—whether that is based in the US or abroad. I think it’s what I will love. What if it isn’t?
I asked Ivan last night, how do people just do the job they do everyday without loving it? Why do I feel like I’m the only person I know just sitting around not liking their job? I’m sure other people don’t like their jobs, but it’s like they accept it and live with it or something and they’re fine with it. I’m not. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that either, but what if I never find something I am content with? Ivan says these people are satisfied with what they have… implying that maybe I’m not or I’m ungrateful or something like that. I disagree. I definitely know I have it good and I’m happy about that, I’m happy about the opportunities my job has afforded me; I just don’t like what I do. I can do it, and I can do it very well actually, but I want to be happy with my job. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, and wanting satisfaction from your job! I think it’s pretty important. I just don’t understand how people wake up everyday and go do their job, that they don’t love and might even hate, like it’s nothing. Certainly doesn’t excite me to get out of bed in the morning.
I’m taking steps towards what I want, I should be finished with my bachelors in about a year and have a masters program picked out—which is whole nother issue-but it’s the 1-2 years in between where I know it’s best (practically/financially) to continue doing what I do. Yuck. I just feel like I’m always wanting more, and not financially or material wise, experience-wise I guess.
Is there something wrong with me because I can’t be satisfied with what I have and where I live and what I do? Are other people more peaceful and content people than I am or something? Or is it just that I don’t settle?
Back to the masters program issue—the program is in Chicago. Originally I thought, I REALLY want to do THIS program but I don’t want to move back to the cold, at all. But recently I was thinking, a change would be nice, and I could deal with the cold. Chicago is a cool city, closer to home, and at maximum it would be 2 years. And before leaving California Ivan & I had talked about Chicago and he liked the idea. Before knowing we’d like Arizona so much our plan was to stay here long enough for Ivan to finish his masters, and then head towards Chicago. So I told Ivan yesterday that I was liking the idea of Chicago again and really feeling like this program is the answer for me. Now he’s not interested in cold weather or Chicago!! We’ll see… there’s still a good 2 years before that decision would need to be made. Ivan says he doesn’t want to move again without feeling like it’s a more permanent move. For one, Chicago could be a permanent move. It’s a big city so there’s plenty of opportunity there, and it’s closer to family. But secondly, why does anywhere or anything have to be permanent? I need to keep moving…although maybe if I was happier with my career than I wouldn’t need the change of scenery so much? Who knows. All I know is that right now I’m very, very, very bored in more ways than one.
Which always goes back to…does that mean I’m an unsatisfied and unhappy person? Or do I just genuinely like the excitement of change (I think that’s the case… but who knows!!)
