The other day at work Eleanor had an opportunity to sit down and talk with us a bit and we (me and the other volunteer I work with, Bonnie from Australia) just kinda picked her brain. First, I had been misinformed about where Lona came from. She wasn't abandoned, she has parents. Mom has HIV and a huge drinking problem. Which I think I mentioned before, probably means that if she was taking anti-retroviral meds while pregnant to prevent transferring HIV to the baby, it wouldn't have worked. Eleanor is pretty sure Lona is HIV too because she's so tiny, and she's betting on fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) as well, which is affecting most of our kids. Partly because it's just likely since her mom drinks, but also because Lona is so active. Which, I personally don't think any of the babies are any more or less active than any baby I've ever met, but Eleanor also has years of experience so who knows? She did say though, that this will show up in the kids later in life. They are highly impulsive, and explosive--hard time managing their emotions and things like that. As teenagers, typically, they are more than a handful. Also, if they don't establish those bonds with people as infants, later in life they will be either clingy or so independent from people that it gets in the way of relationships, possibly having little regard or respect for anyone or anything, and even further down the line, possibly not be good parents themselves. Which is why they really emphasize love & attention as so important for the babies. At the same time though, we shouldn't get too attached which would make the leaving hard on us and the babies. The truth is, these babies have so many people coming in and out that they're not going to be affected by my leaving, even if I'm crying all the way back to America!
So we discussed the adoption path again...and of course it just gets more complicated every time we go that route. The good news: while establishing residency here you can foster, so if I moved here I could essentially raise Lona while passing the 5 years time to gain residency. After the 5 years I could adopt, and we could come back to America. However, problem #1: South Africa isn't quick to hand out residency in the first place. Because unemployment is so high here, you have to bring a skill that is unique or come with a company, otherwise there's a good chance they won't give you residency. Problem #2: America isn't always quick to give residency to the children you're bringing back--so I could spend years here and then not even be let back into the country. Plus, I don't know what the view is on bringing back a child with HIV...
On top of those issues, Eleanor was almost talking us out of any thoughts simply based on the issues these kids will have later in life. If she's HIV positive, that's a whole load of issues in itself, if she's FAS, I could plan on major behavior and learning problems. That part doesn't scare me...I deal with those things for a living so I know what to expect (although not 24 hours of it, I still know the potential problems). She was just going on and on about how big of a commitment it is. Duh....
The bottom line is that, the easiest route is to marry a South African man. I told her I wasn't sure how Ivan would feel about that... "Honey, don't worry, I'll be home in 5-6 years and I'm going to marry a man here, but it's only to adopt Lona, whom I don't think you even want, so just wait for me...you'll love her..." I joked with Eleanor that I want them to foster Lona, keep her with them, and I will send them the money to support her...whatever she needs, just contact Aunty Chelsey. Just so I know she's ok. Eleanor laughed...but I'm dead serious... the problem is, if she gets adopted, or even if she doesn't and leaves HOH into a children's home when she's older, there is NO way of knowing where she goes or how she does. Once she leaves HOH that's it.
So anyway that was a lot of our discussion. Surprise: it was all about how can I get Lona?!
Yesterday was my day off so I went to visit SANCCOB--which is the place that rehabs birds and penguins that our other volunteers work at. They were cute!! There was one with a broken wing, and one missing a foot!!!! So sad. But cute. Today I'm just going to hang around the house. It's raining of course. At this point I don't want to go anywhere because I can't afford to shop anymore (and I will if I leave the house!) and the only thing I still want do before I leave (that hasn't been scheduled) is Table Mountain...so I wait for the sun to come out!!
